| Hello everyone, I'm a newbie here so please be kind! I think this forum is a fantastic idea, and I'd be really grateful for some perspective and advice. I've been with my husband since I was 19, he was 20. We got married when I was 21. I'm now 28. We have always been a very romantically minded couple (both love things like the Bronte's and the idea of falling deeply in love, etc) so in general we have a great marriage, and we love each other very much. However, we have big intimacy issues. I'm not sure where they stem from, but I can guess. He is the only person I have ever slept with, and we have had a healthy sex life. He has slept with 1 other person before me but he found it traumatic as he wasn't interested in a sexual relationship with this person, but she drove him to a very low state, isolated him from his friends and family, so he felt he had to start a relationship with her so he wouldn't be alone. I'm not sure that "low" feeling has ever completely left him. I was raised by a single mother in an intensely religious atmosphere. In my life I've generally seen most men behaving very lazily and selfishly, and seen women being strong and picking up the pieces. I know I've been indoctrinated with religious dogma on sexuality and appropriate behaviour for women. So, (increasingly) long story short...I seem to have 2 personalities when it comes to intimacy. Not just sex, but even kissing. I'll either feel "free" and not worry, be natural, intimacy naturally happens...or I'll be very VERY angry, stubbornly argue against my husband and hate the idea of being "used" by him (when I know that is never what our relationship has been). I'm not sure how to get past this. Do any of you have similar experiences you've come through? I started experiencing this just before we got married, so we've been dealing with this a long time. It's built up into a vicious cycle of annoyance and frustration. My husband does try to approach things better, but all the same when he mentions it it just reinforces the feeling that all he wants is sex, which makes me even more entrenched. Any thoughts greatly appreciated x | |||
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