| I'll try to make this as short and entertaining as possible for the readers out there. My wife and I have been married for nearly 8 years. For much of our marriage I have had an ongoing issue with her lack of affection and support. Several times she has put me down or insulted me; failed to compliment me; showed no affection; etc. As a result, I felt unloved and made a mistake contacting my very first girlfriend from gradeschool online. We had an online thing for a while and met in person a few times. I left my email open one day and she caught me and was devistated. She gave me another chance and although I felt (and still feel) that I acted as I did for a legitimate reason, I knew it was still wrong and I hated that I hurt her. We ended up moving far away from that person and we moved on. a year later she recontacted me. I was caught again before it went past some emails. I havent talked to her in two years now and have no desire to. I assume she moved on as well. My wife and I continued having the same issues though. I offered to set up counselling many times and she refused. I guess she got tired of the same argument and me complaining of being unhappy and started telling me we shouldnt be together if I was so unhappy. ..blamed how she treated me on what she had learned from her parents. I wasnt willing to give up because I loved her. ..and because we had two children together. Having pointed out her flaws, I think it's only fair I point out her qualities. She was always faithful and trusting, even after I broke her turst. She followed me across the country and stayed with me even when things were difficult between us as well as financially. She was always a great mother. We never really argued except when affection issues came up. It was like living with a roommate. I had told her years ago when arguing about compliments/affection that if she was incapable of it, then I wouldn't do it either. Sure a compliment or two slipped out now and then from me, but I avoided doing it when I could because it made me feel so stupid when she was on the spot and didnt compliment me back. Fast forward to about 2 weeks ago. I picked up her cell phone to put the babysitter's phone number into her contacts and the phone was locked. Its never locked. She was sitting there with me so I asked her why and she shrugged it off, explaining that her friend at work has same phone and when she saw hers locked she decided to try it too. I didnt think too much of it. She unlocked it and I entered phone number. She had posted a pic of her and our daughter on facebook earlier that day so I then went into hr album to see if there were any additional of them that she hadnt posted. The first pic in the album was one of her in the mirror topless. Let me stop and say my stomach is turning into knots reliving this as I write it. I asked her what the pic was and she insisted it was for me but she forgot to send it. Of course I was suspicious. There wasnt much I could prove, so I kept it in the back of my mind and just started keeping an eye open. I noticed she was being very sneaky with her phone, turning screen away from me, leaving it on silent when it never was before... We started arguing about itevery day for 3 or 4 days. She was accusing me of not trusting her and insisted nothing was happening, still refusing to unlock her phone. I figured out her code and snuck onto her phone frequently but could never find anything so I started thinking I WAS being crazy and felt terrible. Still though something wasn't right. I mentioned how I heard a coworker's husband put an app on her phone that retreived all deleted texts and her face dropped. Later that night she admitted that I wasnt crazy; that there was a guy from work and she had feelings for him. I was really hurt, but honestly, I was also kind of relieved that I wasnt crazy. She said she knew it was wrong and promised right away to stop texting him. She text'd in front of me to him saying she loved her husband and couldnt talk to him anymore. He responded quickly with "ok. back to reality. i wish you luck". She promised to keep me updated with what happened at work and if he continued to text. I took that as a sign we needed to seriously fix our marriage once and for all and she agreed. She changed alot over the next week. she was affectionate, sweet, loving... I was over-the-top sweet and did all i could for her. I wrote her a letter nearly every day, I did her favors, I surprised her with gifts... One night i cut out 30 hearts from paper and wrote a thing I love about her on each and hid them all over the house for her to find. we had a setback one day though when I offered to come see her on lunch and she clearly didnt want me to. I went from a time issue, to a relaxing instead issue, to a not wanting to leave work on lunch issue, to a 'i need time alone to miss you issue'. I was hurt by that and started thinking something was wrong. Soon after I found out she was still talking to him. I cant even remember right now how I found out, but it involved asking her a billion questions, getting lied to a billion times, and then texting and calling him and getting a different version which was also full of lies. What it boiled down to is that they met outside of work twice and made out in his car. She swears up and down that she didnt sleep with him. I tend to believe her on that, though it was difficult. What was really difficult was learning that the 2nd make out session was the night after I hid her all the hearts. I had called her when she was getting out of work and told her I had the kids in the bath so we could have a moment alone when she got home. She told me she had to stay late. I ended up having to get the kids out and ready for bed long before she got home. She wasnt staying late though, she was making out with him in his car. So now my issue is this..... How do I move past this? She is now apologetic and full of regret. she promises (again) she wont talk to him or text him. She says it was wrong and she was stupid. She is again being loving and caring and affectionate. She is really trying, but part of me is worried she is reacting to the guilt of being caught. Will this last? How do I stop asking questions about every detail? She was on her days off the last two days and this morning she goes back to work with him. She has offered to look for a new job, but until then they will be working side by side. How do I not go crazy? I believe that she wants to avoid him now and work on us. I really do, but I also believe that he won't give up that easily. I ended up reading their texts between each other and I can clearly see he is the one who suggested everything along the way and she went along with it. How do I know that won't continue? To be completely honest, I'm scared. Feeling like I was going to lose her when she first told me about him really opened my eyes. I admit we have taken each other for granted for far too long. When I look at her now I am so amazed by her beauty and how much I really love her. That's what scares me. With her affection issues I don't want to go over the top again. So far she has been matching my affection the last few days but I am afraid it won't last. She says she is sorry almost hourly and says she wants to grow old with me. One last issue is that I tried to get info out of her about his girlfriend so I could inform her of what happened and she wouldnt tell me. She says its because she just wants to move on, but to me, she is protecting him. I found her on facebook myself and am waiting for her to message me back. I really am in love with my wife and I need to figure out a way to fix this marriage. Please help! | |||
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