Hi everyone,
My brother is a 27 year old, his girlfriend is 19 years old. There is an age difference but nobody really said anything because they were in love and everyone figured that age didn't matter (under some circumstances) and the age difference isn't too high. They ended up having a baby together and my sister in law was 18 when she gave birth. Their daughter is 17 months old.
There is a serious issue though. My sister in law (I'm going to call her Amy) is INSANELY insecure.
She is deeply afraid of being cheated on or left for another woman.
Amy's insecurities are now causing big issues in her relationship with my brother. She constantly accuses him of checking out other women, specifically women's butts.
1. They don't go outside. Amy avoids going outside and makes several excuses not to go outside. They don't go outside because Amy doesn't want him looking at other women, so she pretty much holds him hostage I guess. It has gotten to the point where she gas cancelled doctor's appointments to avoid going out.
2. She CONSTANTLY accuses him of checking out other women. He swears he doesn't. He has dealt with her accusations for two years. Amy says ' If you were just honest with me and admitted that you look at other women, we wouldn't have such an issue. My issue is you're trying to make me look crazy and delusional. ''
My brother says that he's not going to admit to something he doesn't do, he's not going to plead guilty for a crime he never committed.
3. She makes constant comments like '' you don't love me, you love women's butts '' or '' you're going to cheat on me with another woman, leave me and then take our daughter away from me '', or '' you just want to look at butts '' just constant nags at him. It pisses him off because he doesn't look at other women. But she won't back off of him.
4. My brother is a recovering addict and often went to NA/AA meetings. So is my sister in law. They no longer go to meetings because she doesn't want him looking at other women. I swear, they HARDLY EVER go out except for when it's absolutely necessary. Even then, if they need food, my sister in law insists that she go alone.
5. They do not have normal lives. She accuses him 24/7, they don't go outside (my brother has allowed her to do this eventually because he got really sick of dealing with it whenever she assumed that he checked out a woman, she would shut down and break inside. She would be cold to him, and she would cry. Eventually my brother decided that not going out was better than dealing with her thinking that.)
I don't know why Amy is so caught up on this. She has said before that '' If he checks out other women, he's lusting after them, and probably finds them attractive.'' He shouldn't find anyone attractive but me. '' If he looks at other women's butts, he'll compare that girl's butt to mine '' He'll probably leave me for her because she might have a better ass. '' If he looks at other women's butts, what's going to stop him from cheating on me? '' She goes even CRAZIER if she *thinks* that he's looking at his friend's ass or someone he knows, because he'll talk to them, might like their personality and decide that his friend or that someone he knows would be better,
She is really worried that my brother will leave her for someone else or cheat on her. She also thinks that he'll take their daughter away from her and make his '' new girlfriend '' their daughters new mom.
I guess it's also important to mention that my brother looked at porn three times. The first time was so that he could masturbate and therefore would last longer for her during sex. The second time, Amy was out. They ended up having sex later that day apparently. The third time, my brother was away for a week.
Every time she found out he looked at porn, she lost her mind. She cried so much. She felt so sick, and she literally threw up. Emotional distress I guess.
I'm really worried for my brother. He's starting to get depressed. They fight almost constantly. They don't live normal lives or do things they need to do.
My sister in law has also made up stories about a '' house ''. She lied to my brother saying that her grand-parents were going to buy them a house, and give her a million dollars. She said she lied out of fear so that if she made their future look bright, he would stay with her.
She even went to the extent of making up her grand-parents email and posed as them.
Their relationship really isn't good. He suggested marriage counseling, and she was on board. She made the call herself. My brother is also waiting on individual counseling and so is she. They are on waiting lists.
My brother had a female therapist but my sister in law makes an issue out of that as well. She has accused my brother of wanting to leave her for his therapist, being attracted to his therapist, fantasizing about his therapist, etc.
She knows she needs help. A little bit of her back story. Her dad abandoned her at a young age. And she's been broken up with for another woman once before.
She has always struggled with self esteem. She thinks she's '' disgusting '' and horribly ugly. She's not.
Their relationship has been like this for TWO years. My brother stays because he really loves her. My brother has told me '' If I really did look at other women, and she makes that big of an issue over that, I would just leave, and continue looking at women, but I seriously don't. ''
If he really did look, he would just leave. He's been dealing with this for two years. He has NO friends. No support system except our family.
How can we help my sister in law? Does she have some sort of mental issue? What should my brother do?
I believe him when he says he doesn't look and that he really loves Amy. If he didn't love her, he wouldn't be staying in this relationship for this long and putting up with the insanity.
I do love my sister in law but she's causing a rift between all of us. My mom will want go out with them shopping or whatever, but there's an issue and awkwardness because my sister in law isn't comfortable outside because there's other women.
Amy even accuses my brother of looking at her mom's butt and her cousins and aunt's butt. Amy is CERTAIN that my brother is some sick man who took advantage of her and has a pleasure of hurting her. She is certain that my brother is lying and is just trying to make her look crazy and delusional.
As I said, how can we help her? Is there a mental issue going on? Obviously. She did take proper steps in setting herself up for IC and MC. She does want help, so that's a plus.
I love her, but I also love my brother and he is suffering too.
What can she do in the mean time to help herself?
I feel like I need therapy after listening to all this because it's so insane.
My brother needs help, my sister in law needs help.
I would appreciate MEN and WOMEN's insights.
Thanks.
My brother is a 27 year old, his girlfriend is 19 years old. There is an age difference but nobody really said anything because they were in love and everyone figured that age didn't matter (under some circumstances) and the age difference isn't too high. They ended up having a baby together and my sister in law was 18 when she gave birth. Their daughter is 17 months old.
There is a serious issue though. My sister in law (I'm going to call her Amy) is INSANELY insecure.
She is deeply afraid of being cheated on or left for another woman.
Amy's insecurities are now causing big issues in her relationship with my brother. She constantly accuses him of checking out other women, specifically women's butts.
1. They don't go outside. Amy avoids going outside and makes several excuses not to go outside. They don't go outside because Amy doesn't want him looking at other women, so she pretty much holds him hostage I guess. It has gotten to the point where she gas cancelled doctor's appointments to avoid going out.
2. She CONSTANTLY accuses him of checking out other women. He swears he doesn't. He has dealt with her accusations for two years. Amy says ' If you were just honest with me and admitted that you look at other women, we wouldn't have such an issue. My issue is you're trying to make me look crazy and delusional. ''
My brother says that he's not going to admit to something he doesn't do, he's not going to plead guilty for a crime he never committed.
3. She makes constant comments like '' you don't love me, you love women's butts '' or '' you're going to cheat on me with another woman, leave me and then take our daughter away from me '', or '' you just want to look at butts '' just constant nags at him. It pisses him off because he doesn't look at other women. But she won't back off of him.
4. My brother is a recovering addict and often went to NA/AA meetings. So is my sister in law. They no longer go to meetings because she doesn't want him looking at other women. I swear, they HARDLY EVER go out except for when it's absolutely necessary. Even then, if they need food, my sister in law insists that she go alone.
5. They do not have normal lives. She accuses him 24/7, they don't go outside (my brother has allowed her to do this eventually because he got really sick of dealing with it whenever she assumed that he checked out a woman, she would shut down and break inside. She would be cold to him, and she would cry. Eventually my brother decided that not going out was better than dealing with her thinking that.)
I don't know why Amy is so caught up on this. She has said before that '' If he checks out other women, he's lusting after them, and probably finds them attractive.'' He shouldn't find anyone attractive but me. '' If he looks at other women's butts, he'll compare that girl's butt to mine '' He'll probably leave me for her because she might have a better ass. '' If he looks at other women's butts, what's going to stop him from cheating on me? '' She goes even CRAZIER if she *thinks* that he's looking at his friend's ass or someone he knows, because he'll talk to them, might like their personality and decide that his friend or that someone he knows would be better,
She is really worried that my brother will leave her for someone else or cheat on her. She also thinks that he'll take their daughter away from her and make his '' new girlfriend '' their daughters new mom.
I guess it's also important to mention that my brother looked at porn three times. The first time was so that he could masturbate and therefore would last longer for her during sex. The second time, Amy was out. They ended up having sex later that day apparently. The third time, my brother was away for a week.
Every time she found out he looked at porn, she lost her mind. She cried so much. She felt so sick, and she literally threw up. Emotional distress I guess.
I'm really worried for my brother. He's starting to get depressed. They fight almost constantly. They don't live normal lives or do things they need to do.
My sister in law has also made up stories about a '' house ''. She lied to my brother saying that her grand-parents were going to buy them a house, and give her a million dollars. She said she lied out of fear so that if she made their future look bright, he would stay with her.
She even went to the extent of making up her grand-parents email and posed as them.
Their relationship really isn't good. He suggested marriage counseling, and she was on board. She made the call herself. My brother is also waiting on individual counseling and so is she. They are on waiting lists.
My brother had a female therapist but my sister in law makes an issue out of that as well. She has accused my brother of wanting to leave her for his therapist, being attracted to his therapist, fantasizing about his therapist, etc.
She knows she needs help. A little bit of her back story. Her dad abandoned her at a young age. And she's been broken up with for another woman once before.
She has always struggled with self esteem. She thinks she's '' disgusting '' and horribly ugly. She's not.
Their relationship has been like this for TWO years. My brother stays because he really loves her. My brother has told me '' If I really did look at other women, and she makes that big of an issue over that, I would just leave, and continue looking at women, but I seriously don't. ''
If he really did look, he would just leave. He's been dealing with this for two years. He has NO friends. No support system except our family.
How can we help my sister in law? Does she have some sort of mental issue? What should my brother do?
I believe him when he says he doesn't look and that he really loves Amy. If he didn't love her, he wouldn't be staying in this relationship for this long and putting up with the insanity.
I do love my sister in law but she's causing a rift between all of us. My mom will want go out with them shopping or whatever, but there's an issue and awkwardness because my sister in law isn't comfortable outside because there's other women.
Amy even accuses my brother of looking at her mom's butt and her cousins and aunt's butt. Amy is CERTAIN that my brother is some sick man who took advantage of her and has a pleasure of hurting her. She is certain that my brother is lying and is just trying to make her look crazy and delusional.
As I said, how can we help her? Is there a mental issue going on? Obviously. She did take proper steps in setting herself up for IC and MC. She does want help, so that's a plus.
I love her, but I also love my brother and he is suffering too.
What can she do in the mean time to help herself?
I feel like I need therapy after listening to all this because it's so insane.
My brother needs help, my sister in law needs help.
I would appreciate MEN and WOMEN's insights.
Thanks.
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