Hi All.
where to begin! OK, we have been married 35 years and had a fair share of issues regarding our sex life ( lack of) resulting in a 6 months seperation a couple of years ago ( tough time) . we got back together and worked hard on the issues, reading together "his needs her needs" " she comes first" to name a few. Things improved hugely for a while then it started to slip back to rejection time again. I can tell you that rips chuncks out of your confidence , self esteem and sense of worth.
it became clear that sex would only happen on her terms and when she initiated.
i sort of came to terms with that at first but the times my wife would initiate became less and less and my fear of rejection meant I would not initiate either..
As an act of self presevation i decided to tune myself out of the whole sex life thing. What I mean by that is: no more thinking" is it tonight" or maybe " at the weekend" or "valentines day" etc only to be dissapointed and frustrated.
what i have learned is that I am not an animal or a pervert for wanting and needing sex, I am a great dad and grandad and provider, I am in good shape, got hobbies, not sulky or needy.
all of this knowledge( at last) has led me to realise that it is my wife who has the issues and not me. Of course I am willing to work through these issues together to mend things but won't do anymore is argue, initiate, ask for or beg for sex. it is far too destructive, self presevation has kicked in.
what i have noticed from wife lately is some puzzled looks and questions like "whats up with you" etc.
I do sense that a storm is on the horizon, I am just preparing myself for my response which is " ok I accept that you have little interest in sex with me so i don,t have to waste my time being moody and needy wondering when or if it will happen"
This is liberating, i can now get on with being a good guy, pursue my interests and try to be happy.
see what happens after that. I do realise she has control of our sex life but not everything else in my life.
feel a bit better for writing this.
cheers as always
where to begin! OK, we have been married 35 years and had a fair share of issues regarding our sex life ( lack of) resulting in a 6 months seperation a couple of years ago ( tough time) . we got back together and worked hard on the issues, reading together "his needs her needs" " she comes first" to name a few. Things improved hugely for a while then it started to slip back to rejection time again. I can tell you that rips chuncks out of your confidence , self esteem and sense of worth.
it became clear that sex would only happen on her terms and when she initiated.
i sort of came to terms with that at first but the times my wife would initiate became less and less and my fear of rejection meant I would not initiate either..
As an act of self presevation i decided to tune myself out of the whole sex life thing. What I mean by that is: no more thinking" is it tonight" or maybe " at the weekend" or "valentines day" etc only to be dissapointed and frustrated.
what i have learned is that I am not an animal or a pervert for wanting and needing sex, I am a great dad and grandad and provider, I am in good shape, got hobbies, not sulky or needy.
all of this knowledge( at last) has led me to realise that it is my wife who has the issues and not me. Of course I am willing to work through these issues together to mend things but won't do anymore is argue, initiate, ask for or beg for sex. it is far too destructive, self presevation has kicked in.
what i have noticed from wife lately is some puzzled looks and questions like "whats up with you" etc.
I do sense that a storm is on the horizon, I am just preparing myself for my response which is " ok I accept that you have little interest in sex with me so i don,t have to waste my time being moody and needy wondering when or if it will happen"
This is liberating, i can now get on with being a good guy, pursue my interests and try to be happy.
see what happens after that. I do realise she has control of our sex life but not everything else in my life.
feel a bit better for writing this.
cheers as always
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment