I have these fights with my husband about a particular issue, and afterwards I regret what I should have said and not said and want to bring it up again when the issue is settled and done with months later!! I realise this is shooting myself on the foot but I don't know how to control my need to talk again. Something triggers it without him doing anything later on inside me and I feel unsettled and just want him to know how I feel and what he does to hurt me as I feel he keeps making the same mistakes again.i just want him to stop. When I do, it just makes him mad cause he has already apologized and said he would work to not make the same mistakes again, and when I bring it up later on he gets frustrated and mad at me as he says I can never let things go or move on even after we have gone through it over and over again.
He has gotten better over time but still makes those same mistakes from time to time. He says it is part of his personality and he doesn't mean to disrespect me. Its frustrating for me because I feel like he doesn't respect me when he makes those mistakes, he demeans me and puts down my dignity because of it. Basically he needs to control his words, behavior and emotions publicly. I wish he could see how much it makes me feel like my dignity is being eroded every time he says something to patronize me, scold me, disagree with me rudely, snap at me in front of people. Its over small issues and its not like he does it all the time but enough times. Its difficult to explain what kind of things he does this on as it is not overly dominating or does to demean me on purpose. But I shouldn't have to tolerate being made to feel this way by my own husband. I am now extra sensitive regarding these issues so he needs to be extra sensitive to control himself.
It's the little things that matter. I need him to control blurting things out no matter how big or small they seem to him. So for example he didnt need to tell me with frustration to pick up water bottles like he did when we went camping in front of all his friends. It wasn't necessary for him to yell it across the camp site "Babeee! I tooolllddd you to pick these water bottles up?! Common!" like he is the camp leader and I am his assistant who is reprimanded for not following instructions. hE should have told me a second time privately to do it again and control how easily annoyed he can get in the first place. I didn't get it done so quickly as I was making sandwiches for him and me and he should have enough patience and respect for me to understand that and ask me in private to go pick it up again once I'm done. His friends just look at us as the bickering couple its so embarrassing.
Also he scold me in front of his friend once for talking about 50 shades of grey, its embarrassing to me as it showed how little respect he gives me that he has the ability to snap at me like that in front of him. I need him to see and acknowledge how disruptive this behavior is to my happiness and our marriage and take control to never let it happen again. I'm only human and can tolerate only so many instances before it blows up in his face or in front of his friends and becomes something worst that we both regret. When I got mad at his for snapping at me, he did apologize and say he didnt mean to but I should have known myself that he was annoyed at the topic as it was inappropriate. I had brought up the issue in the daytime with another mutual friend of ours (a guy) and he had seemed a little wiered out. I guess I should have realized but I didn't. It was his reponsibility to let me know to not bring it up as he felt uncomfortable. But now Im thinking of all these things I SHOULD have told him when he has apologized and the topic is done with :(
Above are some examples recently. I can see he is trying to be better though.
He has gotten better over time but still makes those same mistakes from time to time. He says it is part of his personality and he doesn't mean to disrespect me. Its frustrating for me because I feel like he doesn't respect me when he makes those mistakes, he demeans me and puts down my dignity because of it. Basically he needs to control his words, behavior and emotions publicly. I wish he could see how much it makes me feel like my dignity is being eroded every time he says something to patronize me, scold me, disagree with me rudely, snap at me in front of people. Its over small issues and its not like he does it all the time but enough times. Its difficult to explain what kind of things he does this on as it is not overly dominating or does to demean me on purpose. But I shouldn't have to tolerate being made to feel this way by my own husband. I am now extra sensitive regarding these issues so he needs to be extra sensitive to control himself.
It's the little things that matter. I need him to control blurting things out no matter how big or small they seem to him. So for example he didnt need to tell me with frustration to pick up water bottles like he did when we went camping in front of all his friends. It wasn't necessary for him to yell it across the camp site "Babeee! I tooolllddd you to pick these water bottles up?! Common!" like he is the camp leader and I am his assistant who is reprimanded for not following instructions. hE should have told me a second time privately to do it again and control how easily annoyed he can get in the first place. I didn't get it done so quickly as I was making sandwiches for him and me and he should have enough patience and respect for me to understand that and ask me in private to go pick it up again once I'm done. His friends just look at us as the bickering couple its so embarrassing.
Also he scold me in front of his friend once for talking about 50 shades of grey, its embarrassing to me as it showed how little respect he gives me that he has the ability to snap at me like that in front of him. I need him to see and acknowledge how disruptive this behavior is to my happiness and our marriage and take control to never let it happen again. I'm only human and can tolerate only so many instances before it blows up in his face or in front of his friends and becomes something worst that we both regret. When I got mad at his for snapping at me, he did apologize and say he didnt mean to but I should have known myself that he was annoyed at the topic as it was inappropriate. I had brought up the issue in the daytime with another mutual friend of ours (a guy) and he had seemed a little wiered out. I guess I should have realized but I didn't. It was his reponsibility to let me know to not bring it up as he felt uncomfortable. But now Im thinking of all these things I SHOULD have told him when he has apologized and the topic is done with :(
Above are some examples recently. I can see he is trying to be better though.
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