Hi to all with children, divorced n with NPD ( my opinion, not diagnosed) ex,
Should I minimise ex H access to kids age 8 n 11 ?
Background summary, ex n his family are compulsive spenders n liars n gotten in debts repeatedly. I had to bail my ex out of debts, each time emptying my bank account completely n promising to be a good dad n husband. Also, my ex hits me when I asked about money matter, once he pushed me while I was heavily pregnant. the last straw was when he hits me in front of my children, in the name of getting me to stop asking about money n drunkenness. As such, he barely pays for bills n I pay 80% of bills. Another problem, I discovered he's addicted to porn, n once he carelessly pass his Hp to kids n my then 5 yr old boy retrieve porn when he pressed on history button.
In the past, as a family, he doesn't help out with children. Occasionally swim with children. Mostly he's into his own work n sports n drinks session.
Now upon divorce, he is only getting Saturday full day visit. He's requesting for extra weekday n Friday sleepover till Saturday night to return kids to me.
I don't agree as he's sharing apartment with a couple whom I don't know n I can't trust my ex to watch over children. n kids are not wanting to sleep over anyway. Weekday dinner I can relent on that if I want to. But frankly kids know that the father is not paying much, n borrowed n not returned my money so it's as good as stealing my money, n kids saw him hit me. N I gave my kids the honest truth when they questioned me on such issues surrounding why dad had hit mum. So kids are angry with dad as the cause of destroying the family n doesn't care much for him as time past, even though they are happy enough to see him on Saturday as my ex will out of guilt now, indulge them unnecessarily.
1) So should i encourage my kids to love the dad like before, having read on effects on divorce effects on kids.
2) should I allow extra weekday night visit
3) should I encourage Friday sleepover
4) given the history, that he doesn't bother with the children when we r a family N during early separation. I wonder why he suddenly love spending time with the children. i am thinking that my ex may have an affair but he was dumped now that he's available. Or that now he realised that one day he will get old n he needs his children as a future meal ticket, just like how his own parents bankrupt him to spend n splurge. For this reason, I am fearful that my ex will lie n borrow n steal from my children when they are adults. I don't want my children to suffer the same fate as I have from my ex.
5) am I emotionally abusing my children when I told them the truth when they asked.
6) Am I emotionally abusing them when I prepare them for the future? in case something happens to me, I have prepare my will n made financial planning for them, such that my ex will never get to touch the money. Also I educate them that when they are adults, if I m not around for them, they must only use the money for certain purposes, n never to trust n let the father touch their money.
Should I minimise ex H access to kids age 8 n 11 ?
Background summary, ex n his family are compulsive spenders n liars n gotten in debts repeatedly. I had to bail my ex out of debts, each time emptying my bank account completely n promising to be a good dad n husband. Also, my ex hits me when I asked about money matter, once he pushed me while I was heavily pregnant. the last straw was when he hits me in front of my children, in the name of getting me to stop asking about money n drunkenness. As such, he barely pays for bills n I pay 80% of bills. Another problem, I discovered he's addicted to porn, n once he carelessly pass his Hp to kids n my then 5 yr old boy retrieve porn when he pressed on history button.
In the past, as a family, he doesn't help out with children. Occasionally swim with children. Mostly he's into his own work n sports n drinks session.
Now upon divorce, he is only getting Saturday full day visit. He's requesting for extra weekday n Friday sleepover till Saturday night to return kids to me.
I don't agree as he's sharing apartment with a couple whom I don't know n I can't trust my ex to watch over children. n kids are not wanting to sleep over anyway. Weekday dinner I can relent on that if I want to. But frankly kids know that the father is not paying much, n borrowed n not returned my money so it's as good as stealing my money, n kids saw him hit me. N I gave my kids the honest truth when they questioned me on such issues surrounding why dad had hit mum. So kids are angry with dad as the cause of destroying the family n doesn't care much for him as time past, even though they are happy enough to see him on Saturday as my ex will out of guilt now, indulge them unnecessarily.
1) So should i encourage my kids to love the dad like before, having read on effects on divorce effects on kids.
2) should I allow extra weekday night visit
3) should I encourage Friday sleepover
4) given the history, that he doesn't bother with the children when we r a family N during early separation. I wonder why he suddenly love spending time with the children. i am thinking that my ex may have an affair but he was dumped now that he's available. Or that now he realised that one day he will get old n he needs his children as a future meal ticket, just like how his own parents bankrupt him to spend n splurge. For this reason, I am fearful that my ex will lie n borrow n steal from my children when they are adults. I don't want my children to suffer the same fate as I have from my ex.
5) am I emotionally abusing my children when I told them the truth when they asked.
6) Am I emotionally abusing them when I prepare them for the future? in case something happens to me, I have prepare my will n made financial planning for them, such that my ex will never get to touch the money. Also I educate them that when they are adults, if I m not around for them, they must only use the money for certain purposes, n never to trust n let the father touch their money.
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