Some of you may know some of my story, but I have not posted in this area before. I think I need to now.
I was married for 20 years. Things have not been great for some time, but not quite a year ago he told me he didn't think we would make it. After Christmas, we started talking seriously about divorce. Waited til the kids graduated, etc. then told them. Got youngest settled into freshman year of college, and we both moved out a couple of weeks ago.
I knew of an affair 7 years into our marriage. I felt he truly was sorry. He answered all my questions, etc. We seemed to work through it. Life went on.
I have suspected other things over the years, but have had no proof, and of course he has always said no. Even through the course of the past few years, he has maintained that another woman has not been the cause of our marriage to fail. (Please note the semantics there.)
Two days before I moved out, I learned that there is indeed someone else. I confronted him with proof he could not deny. When pressed, I also learned that he had sex with another woman just prior to the one I had known about.
The kicker to the current woman is that she has been a part of his life for a long time. I am certain he was sleeping with her at least five years ago.
I am in therapy, but the waves of anger are nearly too much some days. I LOVED him. Even when things were bad, I defended him as a great guy. We were a good family. We were amazing parents together. I even felt sorry for him when we would talk about the future as a divorced family, and he would be worried about having strong relationships with our kids (one his, one ours).
I wanted more babies. The time was never right. Oh wait, now I know the time wasn't right because he had SOMEONE ELSE. He stole things from me that I can never, ever have back, and I am so angry.
I am strong enough to know that I will be fine. I will trust someone again...someday. I will have a man I deserve. Someday.
But I just need some advice about getting through this part. I'm a really kind and fiercely loyal person, and I don't like these dark feelings. I have always maintained that hate is a very strong word; one I don't use. But I think that's what I'm feeling right now.
I'll take any advice I can get. This is really horrible.
I was married for 20 years. Things have not been great for some time, but not quite a year ago he told me he didn't think we would make it. After Christmas, we started talking seriously about divorce. Waited til the kids graduated, etc. then told them. Got youngest settled into freshman year of college, and we both moved out a couple of weeks ago.
I knew of an affair 7 years into our marriage. I felt he truly was sorry. He answered all my questions, etc. We seemed to work through it. Life went on.
I have suspected other things over the years, but have had no proof, and of course he has always said no. Even through the course of the past few years, he has maintained that another woman has not been the cause of our marriage to fail. (Please note the semantics there.)
Two days before I moved out, I learned that there is indeed someone else. I confronted him with proof he could not deny. When pressed, I also learned that he had sex with another woman just prior to the one I had known about.
The kicker to the current woman is that she has been a part of his life for a long time. I am certain he was sleeping with her at least five years ago.
I am in therapy, but the waves of anger are nearly too much some days. I LOVED him. Even when things were bad, I defended him as a great guy. We were a good family. We were amazing parents together. I even felt sorry for him when we would talk about the future as a divorced family, and he would be worried about having strong relationships with our kids (one his, one ours).
I wanted more babies. The time was never right. Oh wait, now I know the time wasn't right because he had SOMEONE ELSE. He stole things from me that I can never, ever have back, and I am so angry.
I am strong enough to know that I will be fine. I will trust someone again...someday. I will have a man I deserve. Someday.
But I just need some advice about getting through this part. I'm a really kind and fiercely loyal person, and I don't like these dark feelings. I have always maintained that hate is a very strong word; one I don't use. But I think that's what I'm feeling right now.
I'll take any advice I can get. This is really horrible.
Put the internet to work for you.
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