Hello all.
I have a long thread in CWI about my infidelities and how my husband and I are struggling to work things out. I had a "two night stand" and a drunken kiss with a man I immediately cut ties with. My husband is trying to keep the marriage together for the sake of our daughter, but is still very angry with me about not just the first infidelity, but of course hiding the second one from him.
In my mind I felt that the second infidelity was a huge mistake, unlike the first one which I kind of sought out and had time to think about. I felt that I didn't want that mistake to break our marriage, so I kept it a secret for about a month. In the mean time, my husband and I were building back our relationship-- until I became pregnant.
He kept asking about that one night and was unaccepting of the pregnancy. Out of guilt, I told him what happened, and he is now more against the pregnancy than ever. He considers this baby a "trophy" of my deceit and wants nothing to do with it. At the same time, he still wants to stay together in hopes that he might get used to the idea before the child comes.
I hate myself for what I did. After the night of the drunken kiss, I quit drinking and told the OM I wouldn't hang out with him anymore. I promised myself that I would spend the rest of my life trying to make that up to my husband and hoped, for his sake, that he'd never find out. I know that if my husband knew about the kiss, he wouldn't have gotten me pregnant. Every time he asked about that night, I'd shake out of guilt and shame, so I had to just tell him the truth. But I'm 3 months along now and he is still pretending like I'm not pregnant. He has also encountered serious health issues that he will have to control for the rest of his life.
He is so angry and clouded with depression. If something small in his life is affecting him (unrelated to me), he takes it out on me and somehow pulls my infidelity into the situation. I am trying so hard to express my regret and shame for what I did while still being supportive of him while he heals not only from the infidelity, but now the pregnancy AND the illness. Nobody in our families knows I'm pregnant because he says he needs time to come around to the idea. I don't know why I'm posting here, other than the fact that I don't know if this R is going to work out. He is angry-- he doesn't care about life-- he is going to resent our second child and favor the first-- I endure emotional abuse out of guilt for what I've done, etc.
Without revealing too much information about our personal life, as his illness is pretty rare, he is angry because he has to quit drinking and smoking, which was his only way of coping with all of the stress. Now that that's gone, he is dealing with the reality of the sh*t hand he's been dealt, and he's not just angry with me, he's angry with life. he keeps drinking and smoking, and even told me he hopes the doctors will give him a bad prognosis so his life will end, because he doesn't want to live this way. The "big" affair was in Feb, the kiss was in June. He's had so little time to deal with everything, but the outlook seems so grim. :(
I'm just really unsure of how to help him when he's unwilling to come out of the depressed stage. I don't want a divorce, as I love the heck out of him and our family, but I don't want to live with a man who literally hates everything.
Sorry for the novel. There's so much to say about this crazy situation. Thanks to anyone who read, it feels good to just type it all out.
I have a long thread in CWI about my infidelities and how my husband and I are struggling to work things out. I had a "two night stand" and a drunken kiss with a man I immediately cut ties with. My husband is trying to keep the marriage together for the sake of our daughter, but is still very angry with me about not just the first infidelity, but of course hiding the second one from him.
In my mind I felt that the second infidelity was a huge mistake, unlike the first one which I kind of sought out and had time to think about. I felt that I didn't want that mistake to break our marriage, so I kept it a secret for about a month. In the mean time, my husband and I were building back our relationship-- until I became pregnant.
He kept asking about that one night and was unaccepting of the pregnancy. Out of guilt, I told him what happened, and he is now more against the pregnancy than ever. He considers this baby a "trophy" of my deceit and wants nothing to do with it. At the same time, he still wants to stay together in hopes that he might get used to the idea before the child comes.
I hate myself for what I did. After the night of the drunken kiss, I quit drinking and told the OM I wouldn't hang out with him anymore. I promised myself that I would spend the rest of my life trying to make that up to my husband and hoped, for his sake, that he'd never find out. I know that if my husband knew about the kiss, he wouldn't have gotten me pregnant. Every time he asked about that night, I'd shake out of guilt and shame, so I had to just tell him the truth. But I'm 3 months along now and he is still pretending like I'm not pregnant. He has also encountered serious health issues that he will have to control for the rest of his life.
He is so angry and clouded with depression. If something small in his life is affecting him (unrelated to me), he takes it out on me and somehow pulls my infidelity into the situation. I am trying so hard to express my regret and shame for what I did while still being supportive of him while he heals not only from the infidelity, but now the pregnancy AND the illness. Nobody in our families knows I'm pregnant because he says he needs time to come around to the idea. I don't know why I'm posting here, other than the fact that I don't know if this R is going to work out. He is angry-- he doesn't care about life-- he is going to resent our second child and favor the first-- I endure emotional abuse out of guilt for what I've done, etc.
Without revealing too much information about our personal life, as his illness is pretty rare, he is angry because he has to quit drinking and smoking, which was his only way of coping with all of the stress. Now that that's gone, he is dealing with the reality of the sh*t hand he's been dealt, and he's not just angry with me, he's angry with life. he keeps drinking and smoking, and even told me he hopes the doctors will give him a bad prognosis so his life will end, because he doesn't want to live this way. The "big" affair was in Feb, the kiss was in June. He's had so little time to deal with everything, but the outlook seems so grim. :(
I'm just really unsure of how to help him when he's unwilling to come out of the depressed stage. I don't want a divorce, as I love the heck out of him and our family, but I don't want to live with a man who literally hates everything.
Sorry for the novel. There's so much to say about this crazy situation. Thanks to anyone who read, it feels good to just type it all out.
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