so, some of my soldiers recently asked me what it takes to get through Special Forces Assessment and Selection(SFAS). they had the typical assumptions about green berets, which is basically that you have to be Rambo. they assumed that they have to be a super pt god, extremely cunning, be able to practically ignore pain, and have no problem killing.
they were thinking about going to SFAS after they get to their next duty station. they asked me because i have been and i was selected. i never finished the qualification course though, i voluntarily withdrew because i knew that my marriage was not going to survive if i didnt take time to make things work and build up a solid foundation. and lets be honest, there are plenty of other cool things i can do in the army. i never defined myself by my job anyway.
it kinda caught me off guard, because thinking about it, none of the things that they were naming off were universal across those who get selected to attend SF training. its not even universal across the soldiers that actually make it through the long training and actually don the green beret. after a while, it struck me that the ONLY thing that they all had in common was that they were all self-correcting. in other words, they are resilient.
i have heard it said many times that special forces soldiers are selected, not trained. that is to say, they already had the character traits that make them suitable for SF. the selection process is about finding those individuals.
thinking about it, its resiliency. they come from all walks of life. some of them are party animals, some of them are more like businessmen. some are quiet and try to avoid conflict when they can, some go looking for fights. some are bigger than Rambo, some are extremely skinny. some are extremely intelligent, others just tough as hell. some are alphas, some are sigmas, but i would say that all of them have learned not to be betas.
but none of them will ever give up. they all find it more comfortable to believe that they can always find a way to win, to fight, to survive, than they do the thought of accepting that they have lost or that something cannot be done.
so thats what i told my soldiers. i told them that they have to be able to think positively, they have to be able to bounce back and have faith in themselves. they have to be resilient. when i went to SFAS, i was the smallest person there. nobody expected me to succeed. i was five foot seven and weighed 118 pounds. but i finished it. and i loved it. but i didnt love it because it was full of enjoyable experiences. i loved it because i saw what "false motivation" did for me back when i was into ultra long distance running. and i saw what it did for SFAS candidates.
people who were hurting were laughing and hollering like they just won the lottery. people who had blisters so deep that their boots were stained with blood. by the time i got to SFAS, that was how i delt with "the suck". when i finished, i had a broken foot and blisters so deep that i was suffering a bit of anemia from blood loss. my foot was so swollen i had to cut my boot off. and there were plenty just like me. people were hurting, but grinning from ear to ear.
then i started thinking, the more and more i think like i did back when i was in SFAS, the happier i am. the more successful i am. the more empowered i feel. the better my marriage is. i mean, i absolutely LOVE life. and life can be TOUGH!
so, i figured i would share my thoughts on resiliency. i think its probably the most important trait for us to culture within ourselves. as long as we spend our thoughts and time looking for the solutions instead of pitying ourselves, we will succeed. we will find out what really works to make our marriages work. we will find out what really makes us attractive to our spouses. we will know that we can be happy. we will find out how to accomplish whatever goals we want to accomplish.
it will also allow us to be honest with ourselves. for instance, lets say that i am out of shape and my wife doesnt find me attractive and i have low self esteem because of a lousy body image. now, lets say its obvious to me that the solution is to lose weight and get into shape. but, say i keep making starts, but i can never seem to commit. a resilient man will find a way to motivate himself.
for me, thats listening to my favorite music. it used to also be having a buddy drop me off 30 miles from home so that i have no choice but run back(take away the option of quitting). when i dont have music, its the laughing, grinning through my teeth because im going smile damnit! im not going to let the pain make me feel crappy enough to want to stop!
when my marriage was crap, it was what drove me to find out what was really going on so that i could stop my wife from self destructing and me from getting to the point where i was "done". im just too damn stubborn to give up.
when i learned arabic, its what kept me from giving up after the first time i studied ten words for half a day and couldn't remember a single one the next day. i spent time thinking about the fact that i hadnt tried every learning strategy, and until i go through all of them i wont know what works best. and i was going to keep trying until they told me i had failed, because i have skirted by on the skin of my teeth before. the last thing i want to do is defeat myself when there IS a way for me to learn. and i eventually figured it out.
so what are your thoughts on resiliency? its probably the toughest character trait to develop. its tough because you have to change the way you think about failure. you have do whatever it takes to keep yourself motivated to tackle anything. you have to develop a positive winning mind.
whenever i have an argument with my wife that just seems defeating, i take time to right myself. i find ways to let go of the resentments and look for a way to come to a positive outcome, one that i am happy with. i know that if i hold crap in it will just pile up in the resentment bin, so i dont do that anymore. its contrary to my goals.
i used to be terrified of going to a promotion board. i used to get extremely anxious just thinking about it, but i knew that if i didnt go, i would never get over the anxiety and i would never advance. well, in full anxiety mode, i passed both of my promotion boards. go figure, the fear was bigger than the fact.
im not anxious much at all anymore. its taken years, but one of my goals was to kill my constant anxiety. the little boy in me always wants to hide from things that make me anxious, but the resilient side wants to practice different ways of working through it when i AM anxious. so, i had to put myself in places where im anxious... so that i could learn to not be anxious.
becoming resilient is tough, but if you can do it, you win.
they were thinking about going to SFAS after they get to their next duty station. they asked me because i have been and i was selected. i never finished the qualification course though, i voluntarily withdrew because i knew that my marriage was not going to survive if i didnt take time to make things work and build up a solid foundation. and lets be honest, there are plenty of other cool things i can do in the army. i never defined myself by my job anyway.
it kinda caught me off guard, because thinking about it, none of the things that they were naming off were universal across those who get selected to attend SF training. its not even universal across the soldiers that actually make it through the long training and actually don the green beret. after a while, it struck me that the ONLY thing that they all had in common was that they were all self-correcting. in other words, they are resilient.
i have heard it said many times that special forces soldiers are selected, not trained. that is to say, they already had the character traits that make them suitable for SF. the selection process is about finding those individuals.
thinking about it, its resiliency. they come from all walks of life. some of them are party animals, some of them are more like businessmen. some are quiet and try to avoid conflict when they can, some go looking for fights. some are bigger than Rambo, some are extremely skinny. some are extremely intelligent, others just tough as hell. some are alphas, some are sigmas, but i would say that all of them have learned not to be betas.
but none of them will ever give up. they all find it more comfortable to believe that they can always find a way to win, to fight, to survive, than they do the thought of accepting that they have lost or that something cannot be done.
so thats what i told my soldiers. i told them that they have to be able to think positively, they have to be able to bounce back and have faith in themselves. they have to be resilient. when i went to SFAS, i was the smallest person there. nobody expected me to succeed. i was five foot seven and weighed 118 pounds. but i finished it. and i loved it. but i didnt love it because it was full of enjoyable experiences. i loved it because i saw what "false motivation" did for me back when i was into ultra long distance running. and i saw what it did for SFAS candidates.
people who were hurting were laughing and hollering like they just won the lottery. people who had blisters so deep that their boots were stained with blood. by the time i got to SFAS, that was how i delt with "the suck". when i finished, i had a broken foot and blisters so deep that i was suffering a bit of anemia from blood loss. my foot was so swollen i had to cut my boot off. and there were plenty just like me. people were hurting, but grinning from ear to ear.
then i started thinking, the more and more i think like i did back when i was in SFAS, the happier i am. the more successful i am. the more empowered i feel. the better my marriage is. i mean, i absolutely LOVE life. and life can be TOUGH!
so, i figured i would share my thoughts on resiliency. i think its probably the most important trait for us to culture within ourselves. as long as we spend our thoughts and time looking for the solutions instead of pitying ourselves, we will succeed. we will find out what really works to make our marriages work. we will find out what really makes us attractive to our spouses. we will know that we can be happy. we will find out how to accomplish whatever goals we want to accomplish.
it will also allow us to be honest with ourselves. for instance, lets say that i am out of shape and my wife doesnt find me attractive and i have low self esteem because of a lousy body image. now, lets say its obvious to me that the solution is to lose weight and get into shape. but, say i keep making starts, but i can never seem to commit. a resilient man will find a way to motivate himself.
for me, thats listening to my favorite music. it used to also be having a buddy drop me off 30 miles from home so that i have no choice but run back(take away the option of quitting). when i dont have music, its the laughing, grinning through my teeth because im going smile damnit! im not going to let the pain make me feel crappy enough to want to stop!
when my marriage was crap, it was what drove me to find out what was really going on so that i could stop my wife from self destructing and me from getting to the point where i was "done". im just too damn stubborn to give up.
when i learned arabic, its what kept me from giving up after the first time i studied ten words for half a day and couldn't remember a single one the next day. i spent time thinking about the fact that i hadnt tried every learning strategy, and until i go through all of them i wont know what works best. and i was going to keep trying until they told me i had failed, because i have skirted by on the skin of my teeth before. the last thing i want to do is defeat myself when there IS a way for me to learn. and i eventually figured it out.
so what are your thoughts on resiliency? its probably the toughest character trait to develop. its tough because you have to change the way you think about failure. you have do whatever it takes to keep yourself motivated to tackle anything. you have to develop a positive winning mind.
whenever i have an argument with my wife that just seems defeating, i take time to right myself. i find ways to let go of the resentments and look for a way to come to a positive outcome, one that i am happy with. i know that if i hold crap in it will just pile up in the resentment bin, so i dont do that anymore. its contrary to my goals.
i used to be terrified of going to a promotion board. i used to get extremely anxious just thinking about it, but i knew that if i didnt go, i would never get over the anxiety and i would never advance. well, in full anxiety mode, i passed both of my promotion boards. go figure, the fear was bigger than the fact.
im not anxious much at all anymore. its taken years, but one of my goals was to kill my constant anxiety. the little boy in me always wants to hide from things that make me anxious, but the resilient side wants to practice different ways of working through it when i AM anxious. so, i had to put myself in places where im anxious... so that i could learn to not be anxious.
becoming resilient is tough, but if you can do it, you win.
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