Is it OK for a spouse to have secret conversations on Facebook?
My phone was not working last night and I asked to borrow my wife's as she was leaving the room and she just froze obviously not expecting the question. She is on Facebook and her phone a lot and had been texting just prior to getting up. She said she needed to use it in the bathroom. I said I just needed to use it for a few seconds but she was furiously deleting something from what I could tell from her hands and not saying anything.
I was clueless about this before last week but in thinking back she has been very protective of her phone and even fishy at times. Things like turning it over or off if I'm around. She has also silenced the ringer so I can't hear when she gets texts. And she spends a lot of time in the bathroom. All this is new behavior for her, she use to be very open about her phone and texts but it seems like the last year it changed.
We've been married a while and I thought we had a solid relationship. I really paid no attention to her texting but I had immense trust in her until last week when we had a small squabble that led to her telling me she was not happy with our relationship. I took full responsibility for the problems in the relationship and I told her I'd work on it. I've been dealing with financial problems due to the crappy economy that has left me depressed and tired all the time. She is a wonderful woman that I'm lucky to have so let me be clear the problems are 100% on my side and I accept that and I told her that.
So anyway when I asked to see her phone again she was silent and she looked to be deleting messages still. It hit me all at once and I asked her if she was cheating on me and she denied it but not in a way that I think someone should if there innocent. She left to go to the bathroom never saying a word after that and took the phone with her.
When she came back I asked her what was going on and she said nothing. We talked back and forth for a while bringing up things that were said last week with her denying everything about what had just happened. But finally she tells me she was talking to a girlfriend about the GF's husband and she had said some things about me to that girlfriend she did not want me to see. I asked her if I could read the texts and she said she had deleted them. I asked if she had been texting with anyone else and she said just friends. I asked if she deleted those and she said yes. She never gave me any specfics about what she allegedly told the girlfriend about me.
So I ask her to show me her facebook and after some back and forth she pulls out her phone and she is logged out. She tries to log in but she tells me she has forgotten her password. So obviously if that is true she never logs out and was trying to hide something from me if she were to give me her phone.
So I ask her to reset her password and she does and logs in. I see a guys name in the chats that I don't know and there was something like "since you have not responded I'll talk to you later". This is obviously a text that has come in since she deleted the others. The last message from the friend she was supposed to be texting with about me is 4 or 5 days old.
We talked for quite a while and after a while I asked her to give me her facebook password and she refused. I would not have taken it if she offered it up but the fact she wants it secret really makes me worry. Had the situation been reversed I would have been standing on roof tops shouting my innocense to everyone.
And I guess that is where I'm stuck. In a situation like this am I out of line to want to prove to myself she is telling the truth? Or do I need to take her word and try to rebuild that trust that right now feels shattered?
My phone was not working last night and I asked to borrow my wife's as she was leaving the room and she just froze obviously not expecting the question. She is on Facebook and her phone a lot and had been texting just prior to getting up. She said she needed to use it in the bathroom. I said I just needed to use it for a few seconds but she was furiously deleting something from what I could tell from her hands and not saying anything.
I was clueless about this before last week but in thinking back she has been very protective of her phone and even fishy at times. Things like turning it over or off if I'm around. She has also silenced the ringer so I can't hear when she gets texts. And she spends a lot of time in the bathroom. All this is new behavior for her, she use to be very open about her phone and texts but it seems like the last year it changed.
We've been married a while and I thought we had a solid relationship. I really paid no attention to her texting but I had immense trust in her until last week when we had a small squabble that led to her telling me she was not happy with our relationship. I took full responsibility for the problems in the relationship and I told her I'd work on it. I've been dealing with financial problems due to the crappy economy that has left me depressed and tired all the time. She is a wonderful woman that I'm lucky to have so let me be clear the problems are 100% on my side and I accept that and I told her that.
So anyway when I asked to see her phone again she was silent and she looked to be deleting messages still. It hit me all at once and I asked her if she was cheating on me and she denied it but not in a way that I think someone should if there innocent. She left to go to the bathroom never saying a word after that and took the phone with her.
When she came back I asked her what was going on and she said nothing. We talked back and forth for a while bringing up things that were said last week with her denying everything about what had just happened. But finally she tells me she was talking to a girlfriend about the GF's husband and she had said some things about me to that girlfriend she did not want me to see. I asked her if I could read the texts and she said she had deleted them. I asked if she had been texting with anyone else and she said just friends. I asked if she deleted those and she said yes. She never gave me any specfics about what she allegedly told the girlfriend about me.
So I ask her to show me her facebook and after some back and forth she pulls out her phone and she is logged out. She tries to log in but she tells me she has forgotten her password. So obviously if that is true she never logs out and was trying to hide something from me if she were to give me her phone.
So I ask her to reset her password and she does and logs in. I see a guys name in the chats that I don't know and there was something like "since you have not responded I'll talk to you later". This is obviously a text that has come in since she deleted the others. The last message from the friend she was supposed to be texting with about me is 4 or 5 days old.
We talked for quite a while and after a while I asked her to give me her facebook password and she refused. I would not have taken it if she offered it up but the fact she wants it secret really makes me worry. Had the situation been reversed I would have been standing on roof tops shouting my innocense to everyone.
And I guess that is where I'm stuck. In a situation like this am I out of line to want to prove to myself she is telling the truth? Or do I need to take her word and try to rebuild that trust that right now feels shattered?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment