I've been struggling as of late and it's driving me crazy. Here is the brief back story:
Married 20 years with 2 teenagers
Met through mutual friends, dated for 2 years had first child 3 years into marriage
Me, full time financial provider
Her, part time worker now was SAHM for 10 years
Current State
Very active children, constantly at a sporting event, practice, etc..
we are friendly, like roomates
she maintains the household (poorly with the exception of finances and the children)
I'm unhappy, disconnected and am contemplating leaving. Our sex life was good in the beginning but fell off after children because we were busy and I was working in start-ups with long hours.
I have no desire to be with her physically and quite honestly even small things she does are aggravating to me now. I'm quite grumpy often and when she asks why I'm not completely honest with her. She has gained a lot of weight and she does not appear to be motivated to improve on that.
I also have gained weight and have gone up and down, but have not let myself go.
I'm active in my children's lives, coach their sports and attend all school functions and spend time with them daily with conversation.
With all of that said, I'm also very outgoing and she is not. I have made friends with women and she's accused me of cheating many times over the years, I have not strayed. Recently I have made a connection with someone who shares similar goals and outlook on life and we have been texting almost daily for about a month.
We've not met, she knows I'm married and has no desire to spend time with a married man. This is what I believe is driving me to think deeper, up until now I thought about leaving several times over the years but never acted on it.
I think the best course of action is to talk with my wife about our relationship and let her know just how unhappy I am. I'm sure there are things she would like to tell me also. I think this conversation would be best suited to be with a MC, she can be volatile and I will clam up if that happens.
My dilemma is that I don't know that I want this marriage to continue. I'm having a hard time picturing what a happy life would look like with her in 10-20 years. I'd rather be alone at this point.
I'm really stressed but it's more about having the conversation with my wife and emotional impact on her and the children. I've been processing this for a while, so I'm emotionally prepared for the future. For her this will be I think somewhat shocking, although I'm sure there are signs so this may just be validation of what she may be thinking already.
I appreciate this forum and look for some tips, suggestions and constructive help.
Married 20 years with 2 teenagers
Met through mutual friends, dated for 2 years had first child 3 years into marriage
Me, full time financial provider
Her, part time worker now was SAHM for 10 years
Current State
Very active children, constantly at a sporting event, practice, etc..
we are friendly, like roomates
she maintains the household (poorly with the exception of finances and the children)
I'm unhappy, disconnected and am contemplating leaving. Our sex life was good in the beginning but fell off after children because we were busy and I was working in start-ups with long hours.
I have no desire to be with her physically and quite honestly even small things she does are aggravating to me now. I'm quite grumpy often and when she asks why I'm not completely honest with her. She has gained a lot of weight and she does not appear to be motivated to improve on that.
I also have gained weight and have gone up and down, but have not let myself go.
I'm active in my children's lives, coach their sports and attend all school functions and spend time with them daily with conversation.
With all of that said, I'm also very outgoing and she is not. I have made friends with women and she's accused me of cheating many times over the years, I have not strayed. Recently I have made a connection with someone who shares similar goals and outlook on life and we have been texting almost daily for about a month.
We've not met, she knows I'm married and has no desire to spend time with a married man. This is what I believe is driving me to think deeper, up until now I thought about leaving several times over the years but never acted on it.
I think the best course of action is to talk with my wife about our relationship and let her know just how unhappy I am. I'm sure there are things she would like to tell me also. I think this conversation would be best suited to be with a MC, she can be volatile and I will clam up if that happens.
My dilemma is that I don't know that I want this marriage to continue. I'm having a hard time picturing what a happy life would look like with her in 10-20 years. I'd rather be alone at this point.
I'm really stressed but it's more about having the conversation with my wife and emotional impact on her and the children. I've been processing this for a while, so I'm emotionally prepared for the future. For her this will be I think somewhat shocking, although I'm sure there are signs so this may just be validation of what she may be thinking already.
I appreciate this forum and look for some tips, suggestions and constructive help.
Put the internet to work for you.
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