Hi I hope you can help
Been together 10.5 years, married 6 years with a 7 year old daughter.
The W dropped the bomb in March that she needed space due to my drinking problem. I had been drinking every night for the last 5 years due to the stress of being a teacher. Many time she told me that she had enough of me drinking. I just shrugged it off as whinning and cultural difference ( she is North American, I'm a Brit). I had said if you don't like it leave - I never thought she would.
Well she had enough at the begin of March and started withdrawing and telling me that she needed space. I was still around but quit drinking apart from for three days when I had a hard time at work.
At two different points we had make-up sex because she didn't want to lose me. We talked about a foreign holiday at Easter but I backed out of it because I wanted to holiday in the UK due to the dog and having a new campervan.
She want away for a week at the begin of Easter with work and when she came back she was very withdrawn. We had several arguments over the following two week whereby she wanted a divorce. She told me that she no longer loves me. She has started planning her escape by telling the D's school, her work and parents. She has talked about moving into an apartment but that has since changed when I suggested that she stays in the marital whilst it sells. We have come to an agreement on finances and custody. I will be having the daughter for four nights when I move back to parents three miles away.
She is currently in the USA with my daughter and I will be moving out before they return. The problem for her is that she is going to sell the house by herself (I said I will not because I did all the work to buy it last summer and did all the work to buy and sell the old house). I am hoping that she will realise what she is losing when she is home alone four nights a week (probably only three because I am having the D on Saturday nights so that she can go out with workmates).
The problem she will have is that she has no family in the UK and she has cried a few times that she is going to be lonely. She has also cried that she feels a failure that the marriage has not worked..
We have problems with the lack of communication over the last few years and I have been the one to sort out property, vehicles and household bills. She is really upset that I have been nasty to her several times when I have been drunk and once called her fat and several times boring because she wouldn't come out to the bar.
She has withdrawn but she will look me in the eyes when I talk to her and she doesn't flinch when I put my hand on her. I have tried a new tactic over the last few nights by really opening up to her and telling her thinks and saying what I will miss about her. She thinks that I will turn against her again. She did tell me last weekend that she wished I had given up drinking two years ago. I have hardly drank since the begin of March.
I have started counselling to work through my issues and my drink problem. I feel a lot better for not drinking but she has told me before that it hasn't been long enough. I am starting AA this week..
The arguments before was because we have had raw emotions and resentment both ways; the problem is is that I have pushed her further away.
I am opening up to her and being more honest and caring, and telling her what it is I like/love/care about her as a person. I know she might thing that I am saying yo get her back but I am doing it in a sincere way and I put my hand on her to reassure her.
I am starting to try and fill her love bank and trying to do a 180. I was going to dark her out but she seemed upset that I wanted to cut contact to her.
I have had a read of some ramblings she has wrote and I have discovered that I have pushed her to divorce because the way I acted with the booze and being withdrawn.
I can't go NC or dark with her because I need to support her and help her day-to-day life.
I need to make the changes for me first but also to show her the real me.
Any advice please.
Been together 10.5 years, married 6 years with a 7 year old daughter.
The W dropped the bomb in March that she needed space due to my drinking problem. I had been drinking every night for the last 5 years due to the stress of being a teacher. Many time she told me that she had enough of me drinking. I just shrugged it off as whinning and cultural difference ( she is North American, I'm a Brit). I had said if you don't like it leave - I never thought she would.
Well she had enough at the begin of March and started withdrawing and telling me that she needed space. I was still around but quit drinking apart from for three days when I had a hard time at work.
At two different points we had make-up sex because she didn't want to lose me. We talked about a foreign holiday at Easter but I backed out of it because I wanted to holiday in the UK due to the dog and having a new campervan.
She want away for a week at the begin of Easter with work and when she came back she was very withdrawn. We had several arguments over the following two week whereby she wanted a divorce. She told me that she no longer loves me. She has started planning her escape by telling the D's school, her work and parents. She has talked about moving into an apartment but that has since changed when I suggested that she stays in the marital whilst it sells. We have come to an agreement on finances and custody. I will be having the daughter for four nights when I move back to parents three miles away.
She is currently in the USA with my daughter and I will be moving out before they return. The problem for her is that she is going to sell the house by herself (I said I will not because I did all the work to buy it last summer and did all the work to buy and sell the old house). I am hoping that she will realise what she is losing when she is home alone four nights a week (probably only three because I am having the D on Saturday nights so that she can go out with workmates).
The problem she will have is that she has no family in the UK and she has cried a few times that she is going to be lonely. She has also cried that she feels a failure that the marriage has not worked..
We have problems with the lack of communication over the last few years and I have been the one to sort out property, vehicles and household bills. She is really upset that I have been nasty to her several times when I have been drunk and once called her fat and several times boring because she wouldn't come out to the bar.
She has withdrawn but she will look me in the eyes when I talk to her and she doesn't flinch when I put my hand on her. I have tried a new tactic over the last few nights by really opening up to her and telling her thinks and saying what I will miss about her. She thinks that I will turn against her again. She did tell me last weekend that she wished I had given up drinking two years ago. I have hardly drank since the begin of March.
I have started counselling to work through my issues and my drink problem. I feel a lot better for not drinking but she has told me before that it hasn't been long enough. I am starting AA this week..
The arguments before was because we have had raw emotions and resentment both ways; the problem is is that I have pushed her further away.
I am opening up to her and being more honest and caring, and telling her what it is I like/love/care about her as a person. I know she might thing that I am saying yo get her back but I am doing it in a sincere way and I put my hand on her to reassure her.
I am starting to try and fill her love bank and trying to do a 180. I was going to dark her out but she seemed upset that I wanted to cut contact to her.
I have had a read of some ramblings she has wrote and I have discovered that I have pushed her to divorce because the way I acted with the booze and being withdrawn.
I can't go NC or dark with her because I need to support her and help her day-to-day life.
I need to make the changes for me first but also to show her the real me.
Any advice please.
Put the internet to work for you.
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