Hi everyone,
I have posted here a couple of times about my story, but I am well and truly in the throes of separation now. Some days I feel like I'm coping, some days I feel like I'm drowning.
I'm 28, H is 29. Together 9 years, married 4 years. No kids. Bomb dropped 3 months ago with the ILYBINILWY speech and he left 3 days later. We certainly had our issues, lack of communication mostly, I feel like he just gave up and walked out without giving us a chance to see if we could work through our issues together. He didn't come to me until he had made his decision. 2 days after the bomb, while we were having a couple of days apart, I discovered msgs from OW on his iPad. His 22yr old employee. Claimed her and I were separate issues and our marriage would be ending regardless of whether she was in the picture. He claimed nothing physical happened between them before he left me and they had only discussed their mutual romantic feelings.
Fast forward a couple of months and they are in a full blown relationship, going out in public, he has met her family and they know he is a married man that has only very recently separated from his wife. I can't believe those words as I'm writing them.
I have recently put an end to our conversations about our situation because they were going round and round in circles. He doesn't believe he was unfaithful at all because "nothing physical" happened, so I keep going over and over the details of all the boundaries he crossed even IF nothing physical happened, but he has a justification for everything. Then it just keeps going round and round because of my need for him to take responsibility for the infidelity. For my own well being, I told him I'm done.
Now I'm struggling with feeling like I've given him an easy way out and he's gotten away with what he's done. There is so much he's gotten away with divulging as little as possible about or not having to explain at all. Meanwhile I'm here feeling rejected and like there's been no justice. He was a really good partner, to the point where when he first dropped the bomb, the thought of there being someone else didn't even flicker on my radar. So I feel like on top of everything, I also have to come to terms with the fact that he's not the man I thought I knew for the last 10 years. He's treating me so coldly.
I am not hoping for an R, I don't really know what I'm hoping for. People keep saying what he's done will hit him eventually because he hasn't grieved the relationship properly and is in an affair fog at the moment. But I can't help but believe that he grieved it before he left me. Has anyone had experience with WW spouses being hit with the reality of and/or guilt over their actions later on? I don't feel like it will ever happen.
I just want this roller coaster to end.
Thankyou so much for reading.
I have posted here a couple of times about my story, but I am well and truly in the throes of separation now. Some days I feel like I'm coping, some days I feel like I'm drowning.
I'm 28, H is 29. Together 9 years, married 4 years. No kids. Bomb dropped 3 months ago with the ILYBINILWY speech and he left 3 days later. We certainly had our issues, lack of communication mostly, I feel like he just gave up and walked out without giving us a chance to see if we could work through our issues together. He didn't come to me until he had made his decision. 2 days after the bomb, while we were having a couple of days apart, I discovered msgs from OW on his iPad. His 22yr old employee. Claimed her and I were separate issues and our marriage would be ending regardless of whether she was in the picture. He claimed nothing physical happened between them before he left me and they had only discussed their mutual romantic feelings.
Fast forward a couple of months and they are in a full blown relationship, going out in public, he has met her family and they know he is a married man that has only very recently separated from his wife. I can't believe those words as I'm writing them.
I have recently put an end to our conversations about our situation because they were going round and round in circles. He doesn't believe he was unfaithful at all because "nothing physical" happened, so I keep going over and over the details of all the boundaries he crossed even IF nothing physical happened, but he has a justification for everything. Then it just keeps going round and round because of my need for him to take responsibility for the infidelity. For my own well being, I told him I'm done.
Now I'm struggling with feeling like I've given him an easy way out and he's gotten away with what he's done. There is so much he's gotten away with divulging as little as possible about or not having to explain at all. Meanwhile I'm here feeling rejected and like there's been no justice. He was a really good partner, to the point where when he first dropped the bomb, the thought of there being someone else didn't even flicker on my radar. So I feel like on top of everything, I also have to come to terms with the fact that he's not the man I thought I knew for the last 10 years. He's treating me so coldly.
I am not hoping for an R, I don't really know what I'm hoping for. People keep saying what he's done will hit him eventually because he hasn't grieved the relationship properly and is in an affair fog at the moment. But I can't help but believe that he grieved it before he left me. Has anyone had experience with WW spouses being hit with the reality of and/or guilt over their actions later on? I don't feel like it will ever happen.
I just want this roller coaster to end.
Thankyou so much for reading.
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