My STBXH moved out a little over a week ago. Just a brief recap for those who don't know: He had an affair that started last September with a woman he met in another state. I found out about it in February. He thinks he wants to be with her, so we have started divorce proceedings (drafted a settlement - nothing signed yet).
When we told our 13-year-old son, which was not until mid-April, I asked that the OW also be mentioned (STBX wanted to only tell him that we were both unhappy in the marriage, which was not entirely true, and we had decided we'd be better apart - he did not even want to tell him about the OW's existence, even though she plans to move in with him as soon as the divorce is final). So, he agreed to mention her as being the main reason he is leaving right now.
So, she's coming to town to "visit" him where he's living now (which is only 15 minutes' drive across town), and STBX wants me not to tell our son she's even here. He thinks he's going to sneak her around for a week, while still spending some quality time each day with our son who knows he's on vacation from work for that time period.
I'm slightly torn (I know some of you won't agree with that), because I know that if my son knows she's staying with him over there for a week already, when he just moved a week ago, will really hurt him - he's not a big fan of the idea of her moving down here later this year, as it is.
When I talked to STBX about this yesterday and expressed these thoughts, he goes, "I TOLD you we shouldn't have told him about her yet - it's too much for him to absorb all at once." I had to explain to him, again, why lying to him wasn't/isn't the best play, here. Ultimately, I had to say, "Lying to him about her isn't protecting him - it's protecting YOU."
He just doesn't get it. Clearly, deep down he realizes what he's been doing is wrong, otherwise, why not be shouting his love for her from the rooftops? He's having her come down her to "sneak her around" (his words). I can't believe this is how a normal person would want to be treated, either. She must be a train wreck of a desperately lonely and needy person. I dread the thought of my son ever meeting her, let alone having her be any significant part of his life.
When we told our 13-year-old son, which was not until mid-April, I asked that the OW also be mentioned (STBX wanted to only tell him that we were both unhappy in the marriage, which was not entirely true, and we had decided we'd be better apart - he did not even want to tell him about the OW's existence, even though she plans to move in with him as soon as the divorce is final). So, he agreed to mention her as being the main reason he is leaving right now.
So, she's coming to town to "visit" him where he's living now (which is only 15 minutes' drive across town), and STBX wants me not to tell our son she's even here. He thinks he's going to sneak her around for a week, while still spending some quality time each day with our son who knows he's on vacation from work for that time period.
I'm slightly torn (I know some of you won't agree with that), because I know that if my son knows she's staying with him over there for a week already, when he just moved a week ago, will really hurt him - he's not a big fan of the idea of her moving down here later this year, as it is.
When I talked to STBX about this yesterday and expressed these thoughts, he goes, "I TOLD you we shouldn't have told him about her yet - it's too much for him to absorb all at once." I had to explain to him, again, why lying to him wasn't/isn't the best play, here. Ultimately, I had to say, "Lying to him about her isn't protecting him - it's protecting YOU."
He just doesn't get it. Clearly, deep down he realizes what he's been doing is wrong, otherwise, why not be shouting his love for her from the rooftops? He's having her come down her to "sneak her around" (his words). I can't believe this is how a normal person would want to be treated, either. She must be a train wreck of a desperately lonely and needy person. I dread the thought of my son ever meeting her, let alone having her be any significant part of his life.
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