Hi all,
I'm new-ish to this community. I found this place after a friend warned me I might be about to make a massive faux pas, and I started searching for ettiquette/opinions.
Basically, I've been married a long time and my husband and I have very relaxed attitudes to OSFs. My husband is still in touch with most of his ex-GFs, and almost all of my friends are men. My "best friend" is a man that I met several years after I married my husband. My friend is engaged. Technically, I've known him longer than his girlfriend has, but we didn't become true friends until long after they started dating.
His girlfriend likes me. We will never be "good friends" because we are as different as you could possibly be, but we know each other and we have a civil relationship. I don't want to ruin that. In fact I'm probably too paranoid about potentially ruining this since in the last five years I've lost a few male friends because their girlfriends didn't like them having OSFs.
My husband has met this OSF and his girlfriend. He doesn't like the OSF, for reasons that are complicated but nothing to do with us being friends (we're all athletes and there's some in-sport politics). He is fine with me being very close friends with him, and he's civil to my friend if he ever comes out when we hang out.
The thing is I'm thinking of giving my friend an expensive (to me) gift - it's worth about $300. I know my friend can't afford this item and he really wants it. The thing is, my friend will know that it's expensive in terms of my financial situation too. I can explain how I found the item and managed to pay for it in a way that he'll understand and think is cool, but I'm worried she won't understand.
We have very different attitudes in terms of money - I'm a "do rounds" or "take turns" kind of person when it comes to stuff like coffees or beers. She is uncomfortable with that. I'll lend people money freely and am casual about getting it back as long as it's a good friendship. She breaks out in a cold sweat if she needs to borrow $20 for a few minutes until she can get to an ATM. I'm worried she'll feel the need to reciprocate this gift - and there's no way she or he could afford to do that.
This gift would be a "I know you've been wanting this for years and years, and I finally found one on sale. Please take it, no strings attached, I just want to see the look on your face when you finally hold one of these in your hands for real" kind of gift.
If an OSF friend of your partner approached you and explained that, how would you feel? Am I worrying too much? I'd appreciate any comments.
I'm new-ish to this community. I found this place after a friend warned me I might be about to make a massive faux pas, and I started searching for ettiquette/opinions.
Basically, I've been married a long time and my husband and I have very relaxed attitudes to OSFs. My husband is still in touch with most of his ex-GFs, and almost all of my friends are men. My "best friend" is a man that I met several years after I married my husband. My friend is engaged. Technically, I've known him longer than his girlfriend has, but we didn't become true friends until long after they started dating.
His girlfriend likes me. We will never be "good friends" because we are as different as you could possibly be, but we know each other and we have a civil relationship. I don't want to ruin that. In fact I'm probably too paranoid about potentially ruining this since in the last five years I've lost a few male friends because their girlfriends didn't like them having OSFs.
My husband has met this OSF and his girlfriend. He doesn't like the OSF, for reasons that are complicated but nothing to do with us being friends (we're all athletes and there's some in-sport politics). He is fine with me being very close friends with him, and he's civil to my friend if he ever comes out when we hang out.
The thing is I'm thinking of giving my friend an expensive (to me) gift - it's worth about $300. I know my friend can't afford this item and he really wants it. The thing is, my friend will know that it's expensive in terms of my financial situation too. I can explain how I found the item and managed to pay for it in a way that he'll understand and think is cool, but I'm worried she won't understand.
We have very different attitudes in terms of money - I'm a "do rounds" or "take turns" kind of person when it comes to stuff like coffees or beers. She is uncomfortable with that. I'll lend people money freely and am casual about getting it back as long as it's a good friendship. She breaks out in a cold sweat if she needs to borrow $20 for a few minutes until she can get to an ATM. I'm worried she'll feel the need to reciprocate this gift - and there's no way she or he could afford to do that.
This gift would be a "I know you've been wanting this for years and years, and I finally found one on sale. Please take it, no strings attached, I just want to see the look on your face when you finally hold one of these in your hands for real" kind of gift.
If an OSF friend of your partner approached you and explained that, how would you feel? Am I worrying too much? I'd appreciate any comments.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment