Hey everyone,
So, in this thread, I wanted to discuss 2 things. One is the fact that I've decided I want to start seeing other people. The other, well, I got caught being sneaky last night by my wife.
The whole reason I want to see other people is because my wife's been becoming a real pain to deal with, as you can see in this thread...
http://ift.tt/1e6Zdsx
In that thread, a few users, including TobyBoy, thought my wife might be having an affair. I really doubt she is, but she seems to be hiding something, mainly because she changed the PW on her phone. The other day, I found out what her PW was.
And this is the part where I get caught trying to be sneaky.
Yesterday, after we had almost packed everything to go Kayaking/paddleboarding, my wife asked me to go upstairs and get her phone. I went up and decided to check the PW to see if it was still the same (she came upstairs right after I found it last time, so I thought she may have realized I found it and changed it). I successfully got into her phone, but didn't check anything yet as she started telling me to hurry up and bring her down her phone. I started heading downstairs slowly and told her I had issues finding it. (This was my big mistake) I thought the screen would lock up before I got downstairs because she she's got it set to a one minute lock.
As soon as I handed her the phone, I realized I had been caught because her screen was still lit. She asked "Oh, haha, so you finally discovered my PW" afterwards, she began an assault of questions like "Why are you trying to find my PW so bad, don't you trust me?","Do you think I'm hiding something?" "What did you find/What were you looking for on my phone?"
I told her I didn't look for anything, which was true, but since she was saying most of this in a smiling, cute face, I couldn't help but smile when she asked me what I did on her phone. Of course she didn't believe, and insisted I told her what I was looking for, or found. I did my best to hold a serious face and told her I just put in her PW, but didn't search for anything.
Later she went on about how she and her family don't share each others' PW in her country and said she deserves some privacy.
For most of this, I felt mentally paralyzed. I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to tell her I didn't trust her. or that I thought she was hiding something. Didn't know how to respond when she made me guilty by saying "Why? you don't trust me?"
I kinda felt like the bad guy, Like I was sneaking around doing something I shouldn't and got caught.
Anyways, so here are some other things that have made me wonder.....
Ahhh Yes,
I'm not saying you're wrong. I can probably explain those, but mine are actually worse.
First, let me explain some of the above (or at least her reasons)
Stopped all physical contact. This bothers me a lot. She tells me she doesn't feel right hugging/kissing as if "everything's okay" when there are issues in our relationship.
Paying twice as much for lunch. I would assume she was just paying for a friend (as they often pay for her). I'm still bothered by the fact she got so annoyed when I asked her why she spent, though.
The other reasons you mentioned I don't really have good explanations for, aside from the fact that she seems done with our relationship. Honestly, I didn't know they were even signs of cheating.
Reason I'm concerned she's hiding something
-Changed PW on her phone, wouldn't share it with me (Previously she had a PW I knew, or NO PW on her phone) I still had the PW to her Ipad.
-Shuts down websites/apps when I approach and try to see what's on her screen. (possibly because I make it so obvious I'm trying to read her screen)
- She CHANGED her PW again. last night, after I found out what hers was.
-Seems suspicious that I'm trying to snoop. Asks why I want her phone's PW or why I'm looking at her ipad.
-Very few text threads on her phone (just me and a few coworkers). In other words, her history is very clean.
-This past week, she's been asking I'm working OT almost every day, suggests I work MORE OT on said day.. Like one day this week, she texted me asking if I was working OT. I told her until 5:30pm. She said "You should work more OT", I asked her why. She responds saying "IDK, so you can pay off your student loans or whatever"
-Sleeps in a separate room most nights nowadays, keeps her iPad/phone with her.
-In our past conversations about "Is our marriage going to work", which basically leads to "Our marriage seems like it's basically over"
she said "Maybe you'll find someone who's got more in common with you"
"Maybe we should just be separate for awhile/single again"
"Don't you want to date other women?" in reference to when
I said "I wonder what it would've been like to date other women before meeting you." sometime last year.
-She misses traveling alone, as a single person
-Her reasons for not being interested in our relationship are things that I FEEL I haven't done recently (for the most part) like going out to play games/hobbies w. friends. Seemed like things were good until the recent events on Valentines Day and her March B-day.
Reasons Why I think she wouldn't cheat/have an affair
-She never goes anywhere, except to the Gym, out to lunch w. Co-workers (AFAIK), she always comes straight home after work.
-I highly doubt she would have an affair w anyone at work, since everyone there knows she's married and she always wears her rings
-Says she doesn't want to be in a relationship w/ anyone, wants to enjoy being single
-If she got caught and her family found out, she would be mortified and eternally shamed. Filipino culture is all about having a good image amongst your peers/family. Right now, they see as their little angel.
-She has been cheated on before, and knows how bad it hurts. I think her dedication to her religion (Catholic) would also influence her decision not to cheat.
-Constantly asks if I'm going to buy a ticket to go to PH with her
========================================
Either way, i don't want to get caught up in a episode of extreme or unwarranted Paranioa (the kind similar to what those "is he cheating on you" ads seem to want to incite.
I just want to find out what's going on.
Oh, and I almost forgot... Last night I finally got to start seeing other people (I did last weekend as well)
Basically, since I'm tired of having confrotations/being nagged by my wife, I started going out by myself.
Last weekend I went fishing and met another man and his wife. He and I had some pretty nice but brief conversations about how well he was doing and his fishing plans for the evening.
Last night, I also got to talk to a good number of other people, mostly just greeting them with friendly questions about how they were doing, what they caught, etc. Just any friendly, social, respectful, healthy conversations between two people.
I'm wondering if I should start applying the 180 and doing this more often. I just realized I need/want to interact with other people more often, especially strangers
A. Because I realized I haven't seen anyone aside from my wife family in awhile.
B. The only people I know are my wife, some old friends from 10 years ago, and my family.
So, in this thread, I wanted to discuss 2 things. One is the fact that I've decided I want to start seeing other people. The other, well, I got caught being sneaky last night by my wife.
The whole reason I want to see other people is because my wife's been becoming a real pain to deal with, as you can see in this thread...
http://ift.tt/1e6Zdsx
In that thread, a few users, including TobyBoy, thought my wife might be having an affair. I really doubt she is, but she seems to be hiding something, mainly because she changed the PW on her phone. The other day, I found out what her PW was.
And this is the part where I get caught trying to be sneaky.
Yesterday, after we had almost packed everything to go Kayaking/paddleboarding, my wife asked me to go upstairs and get her phone. I went up and decided to check the PW to see if it was still the same (she came upstairs right after I found it last time, so I thought she may have realized I found it and changed it). I successfully got into her phone, but didn't check anything yet as she started telling me to hurry up and bring her down her phone. I started heading downstairs slowly and told her I had issues finding it. (This was my big mistake) I thought the screen would lock up before I got downstairs because she she's got it set to a one minute lock.
As soon as I handed her the phone, I realized I had been caught because her screen was still lit. She asked "Oh, haha, so you finally discovered my PW" afterwards, she began an assault of questions like "Why are you trying to find my PW so bad, don't you trust me?","Do you think I'm hiding something?" "What did you find/What were you looking for on my phone?"
I told her I didn't look for anything, which was true, but since she was saying most of this in a smiling, cute face, I couldn't help but smile when she asked me what I did on her phone. Of course she didn't believe, and insisted I told her what I was looking for, or found. I did my best to hold a serious face and told her I just put in her PW, but didn't search for anything.
Later she went on about how she and her family don't share each others' PW in her country and said she deserves some privacy.
For most of this, I felt mentally paralyzed. I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to tell her I didn't trust her. or that I thought she was hiding something. Didn't know how to respond when she made me guilty by saying "Why? you don't trust me?"
I kinda felt like the bad guy, Like I was sneaking around doing something I shouldn't and got caught.
Anyways, so here are some other things that have made me wonder.....
Quote:
| Originally Posted by Tobyboy (Post 12643210) No respect for you. Stopped all physical contact. Paying twice as much for lunch. Ask you what you would do if she cheated. Demonizing you. Wants to separate to not hurt you anymore. Projecting on to you her traits. What are the red flags that you've observed JBH? |
I'm not saying you're wrong. I can probably explain those, but mine are actually worse.
First, let me explain some of the above (or at least her reasons)
Stopped all physical contact. This bothers me a lot. She tells me she doesn't feel right hugging/kissing as if "everything's okay" when there are issues in our relationship.
Paying twice as much for lunch. I would assume she was just paying for a friend (as they often pay for her). I'm still bothered by the fact she got so annoyed when I asked her why she spent, though.
The other reasons you mentioned I don't really have good explanations for, aside from the fact that she seems done with our relationship. Honestly, I didn't know they were even signs of cheating.
Reason I'm concerned she's hiding something
-Changed PW on her phone, wouldn't share it with me (Previously she had a PW I knew, or NO PW on her phone) I still had the PW to her Ipad.
-Shuts down websites/apps when I approach and try to see what's on her screen. (possibly because I make it so obvious I'm trying to read her screen)
- She CHANGED her PW again. last night, after I found out what hers was.
-Seems suspicious that I'm trying to snoop. Asks why I want her phone's PW or why I'm looking at her ipad.
-Very few text threads on her phone (just me and a few coworkers). In other words, her history is very clean.
-This past week, she's been asking I'm working OT almost every day, suggests I work MORE OT on said day.. Like one day this week, she texted me asking if I was working OT. I told her until 5:30pm. She said "You should work more OT", I asked her why. She responds saying "IDK, so you can pay off your student loans or whatever"
-Sleeps in a separate room most nights nowadays, keeps her iPad/phone with her.
-In our past conversations about "Is our marriage going to work", which basically leads to "Our marriage seems like it's basically over"
she said "Maybe you'll find someone who's got more in common with you"
"Maybe we should just be separate for awhile/single again"
"Don't you want to date other women?" in reference to when
I said "I wonder what it would've been like to date other women before meeting you." sometime last year.
-She misses traveling alone, as a single person
-Her reasons for not being interested in our relationship are things that I FEEL I haven't done recently (for the most part) like going out to play games/hobbies w. friends. Seemed like things were good until the recent events on Valentines Day and her March B-day.
Reasons Why I think she wouldn't cheat/have an affair
-She never goes anywhere, except to the Gym, out to lunch w. Co-workers (AFAIK), she always comes straight home after work.
-I highly doubt she would have an affair w anyone at work, since everyone there knows she's married and she always wears her rings
-Says she doesn't want to be in a relationship w/ anyone, wants to enjoy being single
-If she got caught and her family found out, she would be mortified and eternally shamed. Filipino culture is all about having a good image amongst your peers/family. Right now, they see as their little angel.
-She has been cheated on before, and knows how bad it hurts. I think her dedication to her religion (Catholic) would also influence her decision not to cheat.
-Constantly asks if I'm going to buy a ticket to go to PH with her
========================================
Either way, i don't want to get caught up in a episode of extreme or unwarranted Paranioa (the kind similar to what those "is he cheating on you" ads seem to want to incite.
I just want to find out what's going on.
Oh, and I almost forgot... Last night I finally got to start seeing other people (I did last weekend as well)
Basically, since I'm tired of having confrotations/being nagged by my wife, I started going out by myself.
Last weekend I went fishing and met another man and his wife. He and I had some pretty nice but brief conversations about how well he was doing and his fishing plans for the evening.
Last night, I also got to talk to a good number of other people, mostly just greeting them with friendly questions about how they were doing, what they caught, etc. Just any friendly, social, respectful, healthy conversations between two people.
I'm wondering if I should start applying the 180 and doing this more often. I just realized I need/want to interact with other people more often, especially strangers
A. Because I realized I haven't seen anyone aside from my wife family in awhile.
B. The only people I know are my wife, some old friends from 10 years ago, and my family.
Put the internet to work for you.
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