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just got off a rollercoaster

Let me tell you about the love i had for this person before i tell you about the long rollercoaster ride i was on. my love was love at first sight i fell hard for this man i saw no wrong in him i beleived everything that came out of his mouth, i look at him with love i loved hugging him and i am not a huggable person but him well i loved showing my love.

I was with my husband for 12 years before we got married. I wanted to make sure before we got married and we did in 2008 and all this time he was hiding thing from me, i was so blind because i loved him deeply and still do but i had to do something beforeit got worst. everything was going so good until i found out he was doing drugs i didn't know anything about drug because i was not brought up around it so i didn't know how someone acted. He was a sweet man and loveable and did everything a wife wanted a husband to do.
then i find out he has been cheating on me with more than one woman so i left him and we were seperated for a year and we talked and decided to go back with each other, i feel very strongly about marriage and he knew that. anyways i started to get text messages from women and one that was pregnant that said he was the father i confronted him and he denied it so i didn't beleive the person i beleived him and it went on for along time. he went to jail in and out every year from 2009 to 2010 and hen i came home he went back to the person i fell in love with well it didn't last love he started up with the drugs again and i left again and i told myself no more and that i was being stupid for taking him back over and over again. so i told him i was going to get an appartment in Fresno and he was going to come with me because i thought new place different town and different people well maybe he will stop so when i got an apartment i went to pick him up brought him to the apartment a nd it was good for 8 months and this time he left on his own because he said when i looked at him i did it with hatered and it was true i did hate him and i loved him and i could feel the two were fight with eachother part of me wanted him gone and part of me wanted him to stay. i got hurt so bad that i hated him so much because i didn't understand why he would do that to me he had everything from me but i guess he did care that much to at least try, he killed everything inside of me that i had for him and i don't think he was ever going to get that love i had for him back and he knew it. So i said to my self it was time to get off of this rollercoaster and just with me now, i can never take him back because of all the stuff that he did to me.

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