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How communicate your feelings without it seeming like *****ing

I have several issues going on in my marriage right now and I am not sure where to start this thread.
Both my husband and I have our wrongs, but one of the problems in our marriage is he is really good at pointing out my wrongs and not admitting his.
Anytime that I talk to him about something I feel or don't agree with then to him it is *****ing, I have tried different soft tones it kind of just seems as though he doesn't care. Most the time when I bring up something that I disagree with when it comes to him, he turns it around to be more on a subject about me.
We have 4 children, and we just move back to where he grew up. it seems as though none of his friend here have children and they kind of do whatever they want and he is starting to do the same.
Drinking more than before and staying up really late at night in the garage with his buddys, then he gets mad when I try to wake him up around 10 on the weekends because he wants to sleep all day.
I do not do any sort of drugs and honestly if he wanted to for example eat mushrooms I would stay out of that decision but I found out the other night while me and the children were in the house him and his friends ate mushrooms in the garage My children were home and I found it very wrong. he thinks since he told me the truth it shouldn't be an issue.
I suppose that I can not make him change and I can not make him care, but im trying to find a way of communicating with him about my concerns without it coming off as *****ing and and naggig. I am not sure if there is hope to save our marriage as I cant try alone but cant not try either in hopes hell jump back on our family train.

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