My wife and I have dated for 12 years but have been married for the last 2. She is pretty, loving, responsible, loyal, gets along with my friends/family, and is just an all around good person. When I go down the list of qualities that I want in a spouse, my wife has a majority of the attributes that most expect in their significant other. We're both successful in our perspective careers, financially secure, have no history of infidelity, and get along with each others' families.
When we decided to get married, our primary reason for this was to start having children and provide a stable family unit for them. I'm in my late 30's and my wife is in her mid-30's. Because of her age, my wife is biologically under the gun to have kids within the next few years. Unfortunately, I'm having problems contributing to this because I am unable to get sexually aroused by her. Over the past 3-4 years, I assumed that I had an ED issues or low libido due to that fact that I'm working 50-65 hour weeks. I've been trying to get over this problem by taking ED pills and psyching myself up to finder her sexually attractive.
Throughout our relationship, the sex has been average at best IMO. Historically, I've been a giving lover in this relationship, but have never been fully satisfied with her. She has HD and is willing to do anything to please me. We have discussed activities to help her better cater to my needs, but the fact that I've had to "tell her what to do" complete turns me off. I made a very bad assumption that I would be able to get over this inability to get aroused by enjoying the friendship that we have, getting back into great physical shape, and taking ED meds. After all, I still like holding/kissing my wife. I also love her for her companionship, willingness to make things work, and ability to appreciate my busy work schedule.
Over the past 5 months, we have been arguing about petty things for weeks at a time. We try to mend communications and hurt feelings once each of us cools down, but the fighting has exasperated my lack of attraction for my wife. Recently, I spent an evening at a friend's house sharing ****tails and conversation with a physically appealing woman who came on to me. This gal was someone I've known (on a platonic level) for a few years, so I didn't expect our conversation to go anywhere beyond what goes on in the friend-zone. The conversation escalated beyond that, and I basically discovered that I could be aroused by the simple fact that a decently attractive woman showed interest with light flirting and touching. When things started getting too hot, I shutdown the situation before it could progress to anything physical by mentioning that I wanted to check up on my wife. Although I'm glad that we didn't proceed any further, I am also sad that I can't feel this way with my w ife.
I don't want to be the reason why my wife misses her window to have children. She and I also deserve a more fulfilling sex life.
Does anyone have any suggestions about what I can do about this issue?
Thank you for your time.
When we decided to get married, our primary reason for this was to start having children and provide a stable family unit for them. I'm in my late 30's and my wife is in her mid-30's. Because of her age, my wife is biologically under the gun to have kids within the next few years. Unfortunately, I'm having problems contributing to this because I am unable to get sexually aroused by her. Over the past 3-4 years, I assumed that I had an ED issues or low libido due to that fact that I'm working 50-65 hour weeks. I've been trying to get over this problem by taking ED pills and psyching myself up to finder her sexually attractive.
Throughout our relationship, the sex has been average at best IMO. Historically, I've been a giving lover in this relationship, but have never been fully satisfied with her. She has HD and is willing to do anything to please me. We have discussed activities to help her better cater to my needs, but the fact that I've had to "tell her what to do" complete turns me off. I made a very bad assumption that I would be able to get over this inability to get aroused by enjoying the friendship that we have, getting back into great physical shape, and taking ED meds. After all, I still like holding/kissing my wife. I also love her for her companionship, willingness to make things work, and ability to appreciate my busy work schedule.
Over the past 5 months, we have been arguing about petty things for weeks at a time. We try to mend communications and hurt feelings once each of us cools down, but the fighting has exasperated my lack of attraction for my wife. Recently, I spent an evening at a friend's house sharing ****tails and conversation with a physically appealing woman who came on to me. This gal was someone I've known (on a platonic level) for a few years, so I didn't expect our conversation to go anywhere beyond what goes on in the friend-zone. The conversation escalated beyond that, and I basically discovered that I could be aroused by the simple fact that a decently attractive woman showed interest with light flirting and touching. When things started getting too hot, I shutdown the situation before it could progress to anything physical by mentioning that I wanted to check up on my wife. Although I'm glad that we didn't proceed any further, I am also sad that I can't feel this way with my w ife.
I don't want to be the reason why my wife misses her window to have children. She and I also deserve a more fulfilling sex life.
Does anyone have any suggestions about what I can do about this issue?
Thank you for your time.
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