A couple of months ago, a friend of mine befriended a MW in a class they took together for a state license exam. They sat next to each other, ate lunch together, etc and started seeing each other outside of class.
She is married, with two children - one from H1 and another from H2. The claim is she loved H1 but he did not want children, could not be responsible. H2 loved her, wanted to take care of her, but she's never been in love with him. Allegedly, they sleep in separate beds and have not touched in years. Kids are both in HS and marriage is described as being on paper only, loveless from her side of things. Apparently H2 loves her. They had divorced several years ago, then remarried "for the children".
OM is single, never married, early 40's - has had his share of heartbreaks over the years and is seeing how this plays out. They've kissed, other stuff (climax but no sex I am told), seen each other a few times at a restaurant, his house, etc. Claims those aren't dates - "well I could see how you might call those dates, but we shy away publicly due to circumstances". I point out he's in an affair, and it's the same thing: "well, I suppose technically it's an affair but since they are in a loveless marriage, etc.". He thinks both WW and BH are weak because they've allowed this "sham of a marriage" to continue. He also claims he is not in love, but intrigued, and would not necessarily let this A get in the way of meeting other people. The WW appears to be getting more emotionally attached. Currently, her "plan" is to start some sort of divorce proceedings at summer time, once school is done.
He knows my past as a BH and thinks I'm projecting. That my experience has warped my mind and I am not able to see shades of grey. I point out what I see as rationalizations, hypocrisies and selfishness, but all in all he seems fine with what he's doing and that he doesn't need moral approval. He's in general a good guy who will do a lot for others, but has had dalliances with MW's in the past and thinks a lot of people are in marriages they shouldn't be in.
We've been back and forth over this. I don't think he wants to verify WW's claims, and he believes trust is necessary. He's willing to take the risks. I've pointed out that the health and welfare of others is on the line, too, but he appears to think they'd be better off divorced. A few of us have told him to stay out and let her end it on her own, which I think he originally discussed with her, but I feel his principles slipping as she's clearly got him convinced of her story. It's to the point where I have to ask if he thinks they don't eat meals together, see family together, etc.
I think if he had some evidence that she was lying - e.g. pics of her and hubby in some kind of loving embrace, it would change his mind entirely. Maybe. I don't even know. Any advice? No, I am not going to tell the BH or anything like that.
She is married, with two children - one from H1 and another from H2. The claim is she loved H1 but he did not want children, could not be responsible. H2 loved her, wanted to take care of her, but she's never been in love with him. Allegedly, they sleep in separate beds and have not touched in years. Kids are both in HS and marriage is described as being on paper only, loveless from her side of things. Apparently H2 loves her. They had divorced several years ago, then remarried "for the children".
OM is single, never married, early 40's - has had his share of heartbreaks over the years and is seeing how this plays out. They've kissed, other stuff (climax but no sex I am told), seen each other a few times at a restaurant, his house, etc. Claims those aren't dates - "well I could see how you might call those dates, but we shy away publicly due to circumstances". I point out he's in an affair, and it's the same thing: "well, I suppose technically it's an affair but since they are in a loveless marriage, etc.". He thinks both WW and BH are weak because they've allowed this "sham of a marriage" to continue. He also claims he is not in love, but intrigued, and would not necessarily let this A get in the way of meeting other people. The WW appears to be getting more emotionally attached. Currently, her "plan" is to start some sort of divorce proceedings at summer time, once school is done.
He knows my past as a BH and thinks I'm projecting. That my experience has warped my mind and I am not able to see shades of grey. I point out what I see as rationalizations, hypocrisies and selfishness, but all in all he seems fine with what he's doing and that he doesn't need moral approval. He's in general a good guy who will do a lot for others, but has had dalliances with MW's in the past and thinks a lot of people are in marriages they shouldn't be in.
We've been back and forth over this. I don't think he wants to verify WW's claims, and he believes trust is necessary. He's willing to take the risks. I've pointed out that the health and welfare of others is on the line, too, but he appears to think they'd be better off divorced. A few of us have told him to stay out and let her end it on her own, which I think he originally discussed with her, but I feel his principles slipping as she's clearly got him convinced of her story. It's to the point where I have to ask if he thinks they don't eat meals together, see family together, etc.
I think if he had some evidence that she was lying - e.g. pics of her and hubby in some kind of loving embrace, it would change his mind entirely. Maybe. I don't even know. Any advice? No, I am not going to tell the BH or anything like that.
Put the internet to work for you.
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