My wife had a girlfriend from work and we would hang out with her and her husband. We would go camping together, go to dinner and go away for ski weekends, etc. I didn't dislike them but they were my wife's friends. I could get along with them fine and did enjoy hanging out with them as time went on but they were still my wife's friends.
So, the couple has since divorced. The wife moved far away but the husband is still around. He's made every effort to stay in touch with us and I've played basketball with him and invited him on a few guy trips with my other buddies. He's a good guy and I have no real issue with him. He will stop by the house every couple of weeks (sometimes unannounced which is irritating) and we will occasionally grab a bite and a beer with him to see how he's doing. Again, he's not a bad guy at all and he's been going through a rough patch.
My wife is, let's say friendly, and she has in the past crossed a few of my lines when drinking but we all make mistakes. I had planned to go out of town with some buddies for a backpacking trip the upcoming weekend and had invited this friend along as well. This friend stopped by early that week to drop off something and while there mentioned he wouldn't be able to make the trip because he was volunteering for a race that weekend. He also mentioned a band that was playing that my wife liked and she immediately, while my friend was there, ordered 1 ticket. I thought to myself, I guess my wife and this friend will end up at this concert together. It made me feel a little weird but whatever.
So, as the week moved on my backpacking trip fell through, weather, injury, work. Everyone bailed. So, my wife said why don't you come to the show with me. Great, I thought. I ordered my ticket and we went. We had a good time and we did indeed end up hanging out with this friend and some of his people. At one point I left my wife and this friend in the crowd to go speak to a mutual friend of ours, just for like 30 seconds to say hello. When I returned my wife and this friend were like hugging and and dancing. No biggie, except I had to stand there awkwardly until they stopped. It also bothered me that as soon as I walked away they were arm in arm. Like they were waiting for me to leave.
After the show we met up with this friend and his group of friends. We were trying to get a table but it was crowded that night so we were waiting in the front. We were starving and they said it was an hour wait so my wife and I and this guy decided to go somewhere else to get some food. My wife led the way and I said a few words to one of the guys on the way out so I was a little behind them. My wife had held the door for this friend and as he walked past she slapped him on the ass. She then looked up and saw me and realized I had just seen her do this and laughed a little uncomfortably.
I said nothing and we walked to another restaurant but ended up just leaving because there were waits everywhere. After we said our goodbyes to the friend I, as calmly and casually as I could, asked how she would feel if I smacked one of our female friends on the ass. It then turned into an all out meltdown. She denied doing it, then said she did it to both of us, then said I was making things up and was delusional. I then lost my cool and we had a very bad fight. I ended up punching the windshield in her car and breaking it. I didn't intend to break it I was just angry and we were both fueled by alcohol. Not my finest moment I know but she was lying to my face about smacking this guy on his ass.
It's now been almost a week and we finally talked last night. I told her I was uncomfortable with her around this friend and I wished she could not act this way toward him and others. She accused me of being controlling and delusional again. She does not deny smacking him on the ass now though as she did that night. It don't know what to do. Am I being a control freak? I feel like she crossed a line and I am justified in feeling hurt and uncomfortable around this guy. From her perspective I don't want her to have any friends and I'm just trying to control her and what she does and who she is friends with. I've not once asked her to not be friends with this guy. I've just expressed that I am uncomfortable around them and asked her to change her behavior when around him.
Does anyone have any wisdom they could lend me on this one?
So, the couple has since divorced. The wife moved far away but the husband is still around. He's made every effort to stay in touch with us and I've played basketball with him and invited him on a few guy trips with my other buddies. He's a good guy and I have no real issue with him. He will stop by the house every couple of weeks (sometimes unannounced which is irritating) and we will occasionally grab a bite and a beer with him to see how he's doing. Again, he's not a bad guy at all and he's been going through a rough patch.
My wife is, let's say friendly, and she has in the past crossed a few of my lines when drinking but we all make mistakes. I had planned to go out of town with some buddies for a backpacking trip the upcoming weekend and had invited this friend along as well. This friend stopped by early that week to drop off something and while there mentioned he wouldn't be able to make the trip because he was volunteering for a race that weekend. He also mentioned a band that was playing that my wife liked and she immediately, while my friend was there, ordered 1 ticket. I thought to myself, I guess my wife and this friend will end up at this concert together. It made me feel a little weird but whatever.
So, as the week moved on my backpacking trip fell through, weather, injury, work. Everyone bailed. So, my wife said why don't you come to the show with me. Great, I thought. I ordered my ticket and we went. We had a good time and we did indeed end up hanging out with this friend and some of his people. At one point I left my wife and this friend in the crowd to go speak to a mutual friend of ours, just for like 30 seconds to say hello. When I returned my wife and this friend were like hugging and and dancing. No biggie, except I had to stand there awkwardly until they stopped. It also bothered me that as soon as I walked away they were arm in arm. Like they were waiting for me to leave.
After the show we met up with this friend and his group of friends. We were trying to get a table but it was crowded that night so we were waiting in the front. We were starving and they said it was an hour wait so my wife and I and this guy decided to go somewhere else to get some food. My wife led the way and I said a few words to one of the guys on the way out so I was a little behind them. My wife had held the door for this friend and as he walked past she slapped him on the ass. She then looked up and saw me and realized I had just seen her do this and laughed a little uncomfortably.
I said nothing and we walked to another restaurant but ended up just leaving because there were waits everywhere. After we said our goodbyes to the friend I, as calmly and casually as I could, asked how she would feel if I smacked one of our female friends on the ass. It then turned into an all out meltdown. She denied doing it, then said she did it to both of us, then said I was making things up and was delusional. I then lost my cool and we had a very bad fight. I ended up punching the windshield in her car and breaking it. I didn't intend to break it I was just angry and we were both fueled by alcohol. Not my finest moment I know but she was lying to my face about smacking this guy on his ass.
It's now been almost a week and we finally talked last night. I told her I was uncomfortable with her around this friend and I wished she could not act this way toward him and others. She accused me of being controlling and delusional again. She does not deny smacking him on the ass now though as she did that night. It don't know what to do. Am I being a control freak? I feel like she crossed a line and I am justified in feeling hurt and uncomfortable around this guy. From her perspective I don't want her to have any friends and I'm just trying to control her and what she does and who she is friends with. I've not once asked her to not be friends with this guy. I've just expressed that I am uncomfortable around them and asked her to change her behavior when around him.
Does anyone have any wisdom they could lend me on this one?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment