My wife and I had an argument the other week, and it culminated with her coming home the next day after spending the night at her parents house. I had spent the entire night cleaning, so I was asleep when she came home. We had chatted over text briefly in the morning, it was friendly, until it was that she came over. She comes in the room and tells me that we need to talk, and lures me out into the dining room as I see her parents in the living room. She tells me she wants a divorce, she asks me to relinquish our apartment to her (I decline), so she tells me that they hired movers and that they're going to take all of her stuff out. That was it, all of about 30 seconds at the table, and it was over. I felt extremely uncomfortable having that conversation in front of her parents, so I just went ahead and got it over with. I left the apartment. When I come back, it's practically empty, aside for some things in the kitchen, the fridge, and some of my belongi ngs. She even took the internet router and the TV receivers. I had loaned her the majority of my most recent paycheck, so with her leaving, I've ended up having to sleep on the floor.
I ended up coming back later that night to grab a toothbrush so that I could go spend the night with a friend, and I caught her dad taking pictures of the apartment. It didn't register at the moment, but I get the feeling she told her parents that I was capable of destroying the apartment, hence what appears to be "before" pictures in case I lived up to her accusation. I have not heard from her since. I have not called, texted, or emailed her in any way whatsoever. She's trigger happy on Facebook, so she promptly deleted me. So that's it, not a peep for the past 2 weeks. She has a habit of getting her parents involved in all of our affairs, and her parents tend to overdo things instead of leaving it up to us to figure out. For example, a few months ago, she spend a massive sum of money that we really needed, and after a huge fight where she had dumped a bottle of water on me, broke my bedroom door down, broke some beer bottles, punched me in the face, and the neighbors called the police (I didn't press charges), her parents hired her a divorce lawyer. I've never been unfaithful, violent, or really anything to warrant such final actions, so needless to say, my relationship with her parents has soured very recently since I don't understand their eagerness to help her dissolve this marriage.
Anyhow, it's been 2 weeks. There has been nothing but complete and utter radio silence between the two of us. I've expected some form of paperwork, but I haven't gotten anything. She's living at her parents house right now, so I assume that she put everything in storage. I've slowly started to refurnish the place, yet I've been wary about other things. For example, I logged into the cable and electric accounts (they're both only in her name), and they're both active, and falling past due. I can replace both on my own, especially since I don't have the cable boxes/router, and I can just get a new electric account under my name. I checked the district attorney's office online today, and nothing has been filed from her end yet. It takes all of 20 minutes to do so in our city. I have a friend who is also going through something similar, and her husband filed right away.
A thing about my wife is that she is the most impulsive person that I've ever met. Weirdly, borderline (if not undiagnosed) bipolar, where she will get an idea and get into this frenzy about it no matter what the consequences are. She has quit jobs on a whim. When I was supporting her, she'd go from living normally to spending a lot of money on weird things like Yankee Candle. That fight I mentioned earlier when the police were called? Because she spent $500 at Costco to have her friend over for a day at the pool, when rent was due 3 days later. One time she got mad at me, so she got a tattoo that was so far out of her budget (before we had gotten married), that she fell behind on all of her bills for 3 months. The idea of her moving out to make a divorce seem real is not totally out of the question. It's not that I'm remaining hopeful, it's just that I need to know what she plans on doing, because this door isn't going to remain open forever. I don't want to divorce her, I w ant her to get help in many ways, but I'm not going to wait for her to get her fill of single life so she can crawl back after she's had her fun.
So what's the deal, TAM? Few questions:
1. She came to the apartment that morning at 11:30. By 11:35, the movers came in the door. I've never hired a moving company before. How short notice can you hire movers?
2. Should I pay these bills that are in her name? I'm not talking about her car note and personal loan, I'm talking about the electric and the cable. Should I just let them default and let her worry about it, or would you think that she's trying to prove some sort of point to her parents if I don't pay them?
3. It's been 2 weeks, and she's held divorce over my head since September last year, ever since her parents put a retainer on one. For someone that just made it to the woods, I find it really weird that she's setting up camp instead of going forward.
4. What should I do? Her parents have some bogus image of me, and I can't figure out what it is that she's said to them that has ruined my image. I do not feel comfortable calling, texting, let alone showing up at their doorstep. If I text/send an email, I get the feeling it's just documentation I'm providing. If I send her flowers or something, she's liable to frenzy and get a restraining order. I feel like her parents are in complete control right now.
5. How long should I wait before I entirely give up?
6. POLL: Is she bluffing or not?
I ended up coming back later that night to grab a toothbrush so that I could go spend the night with a friend, and I caught her dad taking pictures of the apartment. It didn't register at the moment, but I get the feeling she told her parents that I was capable of destroying the apartment, hence what appears to be "before" pictures in case I lived up to her accusation. I have not heard from her since. I have not called, texted, or emailed her in any way whatsoever. She's trigger happy on Facebook, so she promptly deleted me. So that's it, not a peep for the past 2 weeks. She has a habit of getting her parents involved in all of our affairs, and her parents tend to overdo things instead of leaving it up to us to figure out. For example, a few months ago, she spend a massive sum of money that we really needed, and after a huge fight where she had dumped a bottle of water on me, broke my bedroom door down, broke some beer bottles, punched me in the face, and the neighbors called the police (I didn't press charges), her parents hired her a divorce lawyer. I've never been unfaithful, violent, or really anything to warrant such final actions, so needless to say, my relationship with her parents has soured very recently since I don't understand their eagerness to help her dissolve this marriage.
Anyhow, it's been 2 weeks. There has been nothing but complete and utter radio silence between the two of us. I've expected some form of paperwork, but I haven't gotten anything. She's living at her parents house right now, so I assume that she put everything in storage. I've slowly started to refurnish the place, yet I've been wary about other things. For example, I logged into the cable and electric accounts (they're both only in her name), and they're both active, and falling past due. I can replace both on my own, especially since I don't have the cable boxes/router, and I can just get a new electric account under my name. I checked the district attorney's office online today, and nothing has been filed from her end yet. It takes all of 20 minutes to do so in our city. I have a friend who is also going through something similar, and her husband filed right away.
A thing about my wife is that she is the most impulsive person that I've ever met. Weirdly, borderline (if not undiagnosed) bipolar, where she will get an idea and get into this frenzy about it no matter what the consequences are. She has quit jobs on a whim. When I was supporting her, she'd go from living normally to spending a lot of money on weird things like Yankee Candle. That fight I mentioned earlier when the police were called? Because she spent $500 at Costco to have her friend over for a day at the pool, when rent was due 3 days later. One time she got mad at me, so she got a tattoo that was so far out of her budget (before we had gotten married), that she fell behind on all of her bills for 3 months. The idea of her moving out to make a divorce seem real is not totally out of the question. It's not that I'm remaining hopeful, it's just that I need to know what she plans on doing, because this door isn't going to remain open forever. I don't want to divorce her, I w ant her to get help in many ways, but I'm not going to wait for her to get her fill of single life so she can crawl back after she's had her fun.
So what's the deal, TAM? Few questions:
1. She came to the apartment that morning at 11:30. By 11:35, the movers came in the door. I've never hired a moving company before. How short notice can you hire movers?
2. Should I pay these bills that are in her name? I'm not talking about her car note and personal loan, I'm talking about the electric and the cable. Should I just let them default and let her worry about it, or would you think that she's trying to prove some sort of point to her parents if I don't pay them?
3. It's been 2 weeks, and she's held divorce over my head since September last year, ever since her parents put a retainer on one. For someone that just made it to the woods, I find it really weird that she's setting up camp instead of going forward.
4. What should I do? Her parents have some bogus image of me, and I can't figure out what it is that she's said to them that has ruined my image. I do not feel comfortable calling, texting, let alone showing up at their doorstep. If I text/send an email, I get the feeling it's just documentation I'm providing. If I send her flowers or something, she's liable to frenzy and get a restraining order. I feel like her parents are in complete control right now.
5. How long should I wait before I entirely give up?
6. POLL: Is she bluffing or not?
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