I mentioned in my thread that this past weekend i was at a spiritual and personal growing retreat. One of the people i met there was a late 40's woman who would be what you call a "WAW", talked to her and exchanged stories.
She told me that she has been married almost 20 years to her H, they have two teenagers and that for the last 10 years there has been no M. they sleep in separate bedrooms and she has stayed mainly for the kids. She said she's tired of it and wants more out of life. At first she told me that she asked her H to go to MC and he refused, he's as stired and wants out as much as her.
There are no OM or OW min the M and she says that there is no love between her and H. There is a lot of resentment on both parts as the situation has gone too far. The are in the middle of a D.
Before going to these fórums i didn't know about WAF or anything like, so it was interesting talking to one, but in this case both her and the H think the D is for the best, tehy have already talked to the kids and even the kids agree it's for the best.
One thing that surprised me is that she told me that now she thinks she never loved her H and that she married him because at the time he clicked all the boxes but she never fell "love" for him, she did say that she believes that he really loved her and that he was hurt from her rejection many years ago, so my guess is he shouted out and pulled away from her and concentrated on work and providing for his family, which then she resented because he didn't spend enough time with his family.
The situation makes me sad because at the end of the retreat family members came to be with their family ho were in the retreat and her H and kids came to support her, such a lovely family, you know, it sadden me, she was very affectionate with her kids but you could tell there was a million years distance between H and W. He wrote a letter for the retreat saying that he will ne there for their kids and that he will not be an absent father like he has been for years anfd that the D is for the best. She tells me, "see he doesn't want to work on the M" and then she complained to me about him-.
I tried reasoning with her saying, "give the M another chance, go to MC, do anything", after you have tried everything if you feel there's nothing there then quit", she said "What for?, i haven't tried everything and i don't feel like it, nobody can force me to do something i don't want to or feel like", i said... "yeah, but you have such a lovely family." it's sad to see that go, she said "but i will still have my kids once he leaves". Makes me think that sometimes for women D is not as hard as for men, as most women get to keep the children, while men get only visitation rights, at least here in our country, seldom do you see 50/50 like in the US.
The she was worried about child support and "keeping the house after the D".
I know that theirs is a M gone wrong and yeah, maybe it is for the best to separate, but it still saddens me.
She told me that she has been married almost 20 years to her H, they have two teenagers and that for the last 10 years there has been no M. they sleep in separate bedrooms and she has stayed mainly for the kids. She said she's tired of it and wants more out of life. At first she told me that she asked her H to go to MC and he refused, he's as stired and wants out as much as her.
There are no OM or OW min the M and she says that there is no love between her and H. There is a lot of resentment on both parts as the situation has gone too far. The are in the middle of a D.
Before going to these fórums i didn't know about WAF or anything like, so it was interesting talking to one, but in this case both her and the H think the D is for the best, tehy have already talked to the kids and even the kids agree it's for the best.
One thing that surprised me is that she told me that now she thinks she never loved her H and that she married him because at the time he clicked all the boxes but she never fell "love" for him, she did say that she believes that he really loved her and that he was hurt from her rejection many years ago, so my guess is he shouted out and pulled away from her and concentrated on work and providing for his family, which then she resented because he didn't spend enough time with his family.
The situation makes me sad because at the end of the retreat family members came to be with their family ho were in the retreat and her H and kids came to support her, such a lovely family, you know, it sadden me, she was very affectionate with her kids but you could tell there was a million years distance between H and W. He wrote a letter for the retreat saying that he will ne there for their kids and that he will not be an absent father like he has been for years anfd that the D is for the best. She tells me, "see he doesn't want to work on the M" and then she complained to me about him-.
I tried reasoning with her saying, "give the M another chance, go to MC, do anything", after you have tried everything if you feel there's nothing there then quit", she said "What for?, i haven't tried everything and i don't feel like it, nobody can force me to do something i don't want to or feel like", i said... "yeah, but you have such a lovely family." it's sad to see that go, she said "but i will still have my kids once he leaves". Makes me think that sometimes for women D is not as hard as for men, as most women get to keep the children, while men get only visitation rights, at least here in our country, seldom do you see 50/50 like in the US.
The she was worried about child support and "keeping the house after the D".
I know that theirs is a M gone wrong and yeah, maybe it is for the best to separate, but it still saddens me.
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