I just felt like posting this, no reason in particular.
Dear A,
This has to be the hardest thing I've done in my life- writing this letter to you. I wanted to let you know I have never in my life loved someone as I have loved you. I doubt that I ever will again. But I suppose that is the thing about love. There are many different forms of it. It was pure, A. Pure and unconditional love. I would have died for you. A part of me already has. I could say I won't miss us, but I would be lying. I have poured out my heart and laid it right here for you. That's all that I can do.
I have done so much soul seeking this past year and I realize now that your love for me was broken and deceptive. I know that you know I could never have hurt you as you have hurt me. I still couldn't hurt you, not like that. What makes me so sad is that you hurt me, and lacked any respect for me as a person or a best friend, let alone a life partner. You did become my best friend, and that I miss terribly. I also miss the woman I thought I had married.
While I know we had problems, it always serves well to discuss these things, and that's one thing neither one of us did - and we should both be ashamed of that. I am guilty of being blinded by the bright side, and you of not being open with your feelings, and wandering onto greener grass. However, despite our problems, my love for you remained.
I finally had to realize that my love that wasn't enough for you. That is what I am so truly sad about. Perhaps my love was too innocent, or that I basically didn't do it right. That's what makes this whole affair so much more tragic: A spouse, husband or wife, will cheat if they don't get what they need from from the other. You would never allow me to give you want you needed, you wouldn't let me in, so it only makes sense that I couldn't provide. That's why there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. I will spend my days feeling like an option that didn't work out for you, and now you've moved onto another option.
I will never be able to love like that again. Not to say that I won't be able to love another - but not ever with that exuberance and devotion, as I will forever be cautious with my love and the love I receive.
I so desperately wanted our marriage to work. It will always break my heart that it didn't. I never knowingly did anything to hurt you or to us. I want you to know that I do forgive you. I've put behind me my share of the blame, and this is the only way.
I only hope that you can forgive yourself, although in my heart I believe you already have as you have moved on so quickly. Considering how easily it seems you moved on, it makes me wonder if you ever loved me at all. It's as if you aren't aware you even had an affair, or were even married for that matter.
Maybe that's for the best. There's nothing left for us to save.
It's time to let us go, it's what we have to do. It's time to give this up. I think we both knew this was coming a long time ago.
I know that people say that you never truly get over your first love, and the others that come tend to melt into the framework of time. However, I actually don't think you ever truly get over someone you made the first commitment to love till death either. I suppose you always continue to love those people and care deeply about. Those who we love, we never truly leave behind.
I have only hope that you enter into a new relationship that does not include any baggage of past infidelity and lies and that I too enter into a new relationship where I won't be afraid to love someone again for fear of being hurt. I hope we are both able to go into this new life, equipped with the lessons we have learned from each other. One that is open, honest and above all else, healthy. One that allows for us to be the people we deserve to be, and the parents the kids deserve to have.
While it is always easy to go back to past loves, it is not always wise. This will be a difficult challenge for both of us I think, as it is easy to seek comfort in the arms of those who still love us. I wrote you before, but now I understand that you have started a new chapter in your life. While I often look back on my life and maintain a connection of sorts, outside of the kids, I will always move forward. But as you and me go, we have nothing left to weather.
You used to be all that I had, now you're just not what I need. It's time to turn and walk away from what's left of me and you. I've got to get over you, then I can get back to me.
The only way to get on with my life is to say goodbye.
So goodbye.
Take care of yourself A. You were the best thing I'll ever give up.
Love,
R
Dear A,
This has to be the hardest thing I've done in my life- writing this letter to you. I wanted to let you know I have never in my life loved someone as I have loved you. I doubt that I ever will again. But I suppose that is the thing about love. There are many different forms of it. It was pure, A. Pure and unconditional love. I would have died for you. A part of me already has. I could say I won't miss us, but I would be lying. I have poured out my heart and laid it right here for you. That's all that I can do.
I have done so much soul seeking this past year and I realize now that your love for me was broken and deceptive. I know that you know I could never have hurt you as you have hurt me. I still couldn't hurt you, not like that. What makes me so sad is that you hurt me, and lacked any respect for me as a person or a best friend, let alone a life partner. You did become my best friend, and that I miss terribly. I also miss the woman I thought I had married.
While I know we had problems, it always serves well to discuss these things, and that's one thing neither one of us did - and we should both be ashamed of that. I am guilty of being blinded by the bright side, and you of not being open with your feelings, and wandering onto greener grass. However, despite our problems, my love for you remained.
I finally had to realize that my love that wasn't enough for you. That is what I am so truly sad about. Perhaps my love was too innocent, or that I basically didn't do it right. That's what makes this whole affair so much more tragic: A spouse, husband or wife, will cheat if they don't get what they need from from the other. You would never allow me to give you want you needed, you wouldn't let me in, so it only makes sense that I couldn't provide. That's why there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. I will spend my days feeling like an option that didn't work out for you, and now you've moved onto another option.
I will never be able to love like that again. Not to say that I won't be able to love another - but not ever with that exuberance and devotion, as I will forever be cautious with my love and the love I receive.
I so desperately wanted our marriage to work. It will always break my heart that it didn't. I never knowingly did anything to hurt you or to us. I want you to know that I do forgive you. I've put behind me my share of the blame, and this is the only way.
I only hope that you can forgive yourself, although in my heart I believe you already have as you have moved on so quickly. Considering how easily it seems you moved on, it makes me wonder if you ever loved me at all. It's as if you aren't aware you even had an affair, or were even married for that matter.
Maybe that's for the best. There's nothing left for us to save.
It's time to let us go, it's what we have to do. It's time to give this up. I think we both knew this was coming a long time ago.
I know that people say that you never truly get over your first love, and the others that come tend to melt into the framework of time. However, I actually don't think you ever truly get over someone you made the first commitment to love till death either. I suppose you always continue to love those people and care deeply about. Those who we love, we never truly leave behind.
I have only hope that you enter into a new relationship that does not include any baggage of past infidelity and lies and that I too enter into a new relationship where I won't be afraid to love someone again for fear of being hurt. I hope we are both able to go into this new life, equipped with the lessons we have learned from each other. One that is open, honest and above all else, healthy. One that allows for us to be the people we deserve to be, and the parents the kids deserve to have.
While it is always easy to go back to past loves, it is not always wise. This will be a difficult challenge for both of us I think, as it is easy to seek comfort in the arms of those who still love us. I wrote you before, but now I understand that you have started a new chapter in your life. While I often look back on my life and maintain a connection of sorts, outside of the kids, I will always move forward. But as you and me go, we have nothing left to weather.
You used to be all that I had, now you're just not what I need. It's time to turn and walk away from what's left of me and you. I've got to get over you, then I can get back to me.
The only way to get on with my life is to say goodbye.
So goodbye.
Take care of yourself A. You were the best thing I'll ever give up.
Love,
R
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