We live(d) an envied lifestyle with nice house, cars, 2 wonderfully successful kids 16 and 18, and outwardly have always shown that we care for each other. Inwardly too -- we are great friends and have tremendous respect for each other. My wife is an amazingly good person. No abuse, addictions, infidelity, anything ever even considered in our marriage.
Every few years we go through a rough patch where we annoy each other for a few weeks and then back to normal. Last year I traveled too much for my work and that created some extra distance. My wife fights depression sometimes and I spend a good deal of effort reassuring her that she is an awesome person doing an awesome job and I love her. She's described me as her rock which I am appreciative of.
In January she was seeming distant and I finally stopped traveling enough to push the topic and she basically said she felt nothing for me any longer. She was void of feelings for me and was just sticking around until the kids are out of high school. She didn't want to have sex anymore even though we have had sex of some sort around once a week for 20 years.
She has never been fully satisfied with sex and I knew this about her. She mentioned twice in her past that she was abused by her adopted brother when she was 7-8. I thought this may have something to do with it but it was never really discussed. She had sex with only 1 other boyfriend before we got married and they had issues with intimacy also. We saw a marriage counselor for the first time ever in February. He agreed this may all stem from the child abuse and asked her to see a specialist for this. After talking with the specialist a few times she basically refused to do EMDR treatment. The marriage counselor said there are other things we can work on if she is not ready to address that and that it may not be the root problem. We've been seeing him now for 6 weeks and things are worse than ever. In 2 months we went from a seemingly normal and enviable marriage to she wont hug, wont talk, just goes through the motions. She says she doesn't love me now. I can't even talk to her about trying. I'm not sure what to do.
Every few years we go through a rough patch where we annoy each other for a few weeks and then back to normal. Last year I traveled too much for my work and that created some extra distance. My wife fights depression sometimes and I spend a good deal of effort reassuring her that she is an awesome person doing an awesome job and I love her. She's described me as her rock which I am appreciative of.
In January she was seeming distant and I finally stopped traveling enough to push the topic and she basically said she felt nothing for me any longer. She was void of feelings for me and was just sticking around until the kids are out of high school. She didn't want to have sex anymore even though we have had sex of some sort around once a week for 20 years.
She has never been fully satisfied with sex and I knew this about her. She mentioned twice in her past that she was abused by her adopted brother when she was 7-8. I thought this may have something to do with it but it was never really discussed. She had sex with only 1 other boyfriend before we got married and they had issues with intimacy also. We saw a marriage counselor for the first time ever in February. He agreed this may all stem from the child abuse and asked her to see a specialist for this. After talking with the specialist a few times she basically refused to do EMDR treatment. The marriage counselor said there are other things we can work on if she is not ready to address that and that it may not be the root problem. We've been seeing him now for 6 weeks and things are worse than ever. In 2 months we went from a seemingly normal and enviable marriage to she wont hug, wont talk, just goes through the motions. She says she doesn't love me now. I can't even talk to her about trying. I'm not sure what to do.
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