I'm not sure where to begin. I am 33, my husband is 35. We have been together for 9 years, married for 2. We have no children together but he has a 14 year old son. To start, I am currently staying at my mom's for reasons of being unhappy at home. I felt like I needed to get away before I had a breakdown, I constantly had his voice in my head - telling me to do this, and do that, I couldn't relax! My friends even said I looked stressed all the time. Prior to that I had left for a week because of physical and verbal abuse, right before Christmas. He has a very short temper, has an addiction to marijuana that he claims he can't quit, but also uses his business as an excuse of well I make money I should be able to spend it on what I want. I know there will be some that will ask why I've stayed this long with the physical/verbal and mental abuse, honestly, I'm not sure, I love him and thought he loved me but this clearly isn't love...
I work a full time job and have an important position that I play while at work, do all of the house hold duties (cleaning, cooking, bills etc) run errands, pick up his son from school/his moms/his friends. I would like to think for the most part I'm a great wife. He has a business - but doesn't understand that businesses aren't run by 1 person 24 hours a day. I feel unimportant and have been for a while. He might come home from work at a decent hour 2 days a week. After he gets home, it's shower time when he says, he then proceeds to post his work on social media as if that's more important than spending time with his me. He believes that messages people send him on facebook need to be answered ASAP! It's impossible to watch any kind of tv show or movie (one that he wants to watch or he'll make me change the channel) while he's doing this without having to pause, rewind because he isn't paying attention, or try to talk to him because if you break his train of thought as he 's replying, that will start an argument.
I feel like the addiction he has makes him have a sense of bi-polar disorder. It has been years since I looked forward to going anywhere with him. Normal time frame for him is 2-3 hours max without smoking or he's a complete pain. Complains about everything, everything then turns into being my fault and an argument ensues. At home, it's mainly doing what he wants. When doing things at home, if it's not the way he would do it, it's wrong. I'm told I'm stupid, an idiot, a *****, broken, weird etc on a regular basis. He expects me to be able to help him without knowing he needs help. Last I checked, I'm not a mind reader.
We have a pretty non existent sex life. This stemming from the ways I'm treated, but then again being called a ***** and broken and weird aren't really panty droppers for me. When I try to talk to him about how I'm feeling, it usually turns into an agrument. He wont listen to how I feel without thinking I'm complaining. He's made comments about me not knowing how to have sex and that's why we don't have a sex life. Trying to talk to him about how I feel ends up turning into a blame game on me and how it's because of what I'm doing.
I feel more like an employee than a wife. I feel like the only time he gives me any kind of attention is when he either needs something, or has something negative to say about me or something I've done. He's fought with me over which drawers his clothes go in once washed, how I made the bed because it didn't look like the picture on the bedding package when we bought it....
He's tried to quit smoking before, and always goes back, lies to me about it and I eventually find out. On my birthday he went out with his friends, and didn't get back in time and missed my family dinner. He can always find time to hang out with his friends but can't and won't make time to spend time with me or take me on a date or to see a movie.
I thought by me leaving would at least have him realize that he does still love me and see how he's been treating me. After speaking on the phone the other day, he stated " What am I supposed to be learning from this? Cause all I'm figuring out is that I don't need you." And made a comment somewhere along the lines of " I don't think I've loved you like girls from my past" and that was like a dagger in my heart. Even after all of the hell I've been through being with him, it's weird that I still love him and would try to make things work but I'm not even sure anymore...
I'm pretty much at a loss right now. I'm not sure what to do, if this marriage is something I want to continue to try to fix, or if I need to walk away for my own happiness and well being.
I'm open to all advice....Thank you.
I work a full time job and have an important position that I play while at work, do all of the house hold duties (cleaning, cooking, bills etc) run errands, pick up his son from school/his moms/his friends. I would like to think for the most part I'm a great wife. He has a business - but doesn't understand that businesses aren't run by 1 person 24 hours a day. I feel unimportant and have been for a while. He might come home from work at a decent hour 2 days a week. After he gets home, it's shower time when he says, he then proceeds to post his work on social media as if that's more important than spending time with his me. He believes that messages people send him on facebook need to be answered ASAP! It's impossible to watch any kind of tv show or movie (one that he wants to watch or he'll make me change the channel) while he's doing this without having to pause, rewind because he isn't paying attention, or try to talk to him because if you break his train of thought as he 's replying, that will start an argument.
I feel like the addiction he has makes him have a sense of bi-polar disorder. It has been years since I looked forward to going anywhere with him. Normal time frame for him is 2-3 hours max without smoking or he's a complete pain. Complains about everything, everything then turns into being my fault and an argument ensues. At home, it's mainly doing what he wants. When doing things at home, if it's not the way he would do it, it's wrong. I'm told I'm stupid, an idiot, a *****, broken, weird etc on a regular basis. He expects me to be able to help him without knowing he needs help. Last I checked, I'm not a mind reader.
We have a pretty non existent sex life. This stemming from the ways I'm treated, but then again being called a ***** and broken and weird aren't really panty droppers for me. When I try to talk to him about how I'm feeling, it usually turns into an agrument. He wont listen to how I feel without thinking I'm complaining. He's made comments about me not knowing how to have sex and that's why we don't have a sex life. Trying to talk to him about how I feel ends up turning into a blame game on me and how it's because of what I'm doing.
I feel more like an employee than a wife. I feel like the only time he gives me any kind of attention is when he either needs something, or has something negative to say about me or something I've done. He's fought with me over which drawers his clothes go in once washed, how I made the bed because it didn't look like the picture on the bedding package when we bought it....
He's tried to quit smoking before, and always goes back, lies to me about it and I eventually find out. On my birthday he went out with his friends, and didn't get back in time and missed my family dinner. He can always find time to hang out with his friends but can't and won't make time to spend time with me or take me on a date or to see a movie.
I thought by me leaving would at least have him realize that he does still love me and see how he's been treating me. After speaking on the phone the other day, he stated " What am I supposed to be learning from this? Cause all I'm figuring out is that I don't need you." And made a comment somewhere along the lines of " I don't think I've loved you like girls from my past" and that was like a dagger in my heart. Even after all of the hell I've been through being with him, it's weird that I still love him and would try to make things work but I'm not even sure anymore...
I'm pretty much at a loss right now. I'm not sure what to do, if this marriage is something I want to continue to try to fix, or if I need to walk away for my own happiness and well being.
I'm open to all advice....Thank you.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment