Hi,
My wife and i separated 4 months ago. We were having problems, being distant with each other, emotional apart both of us, i was taking her for granted and being cold in the relatioship as well as some other problems and as you probably know that mae us more like roomates tan lovers. At that point we had been married for 4 years and 9 months and have a three year old boy.
We went to therapy because she had become more distant and i realized at that point we had to do something or we were headed for D. Afyter two sessions she said she was feeling presured and needed "space" and "to figure out her feelings for me" so for stupid reasons i moved out and let her have her own cake and eat it too. Yeah, a lot of people told me there must be somebody else. Nahhh i said i dont think so. I was wrong or was i?
She had become close to her old friends from school for about a couple of months prior to that and had gone out to restaurants a couple of times. They had a Whatsupp group and everything was cool, until...
I blew her off a couple of times and went out with friends and came drunik late at night, she started to drift further away, so one day her friends ha a BBQ and she left with a girlfriend of hers and her best friend (godfather to our boy) and came home at 4:30 in the morning, not wasted or anything, but another friend of hers ( i guy i had met once or twice at my son's godfather's house) had drop her since the others were still at the BBQ and she wanted to come home, nothing big right? When she got home she mentioned "You wouldn't know what happend to my friend X who's just getting divorced from his wife" i said, no, whatever. I didn't care, nothing big. But i had a Little itch in my stomach since that day for that guy, i don't know, something wasn't right.
Maybe three weeks later while our relationship had gone really sour i checked her pone, there was no messages from her or him, but there was one call she made at 6 in the morning to him one day after she had left for work and another maybe two weeks later on a friday night that was maybe 15 minutes long.
I confronted her, she got mad since i invaded her privacy and she said, he's my friend since the 5th grade and he neede help with something at the hospital she Works for so she called him that early to assit him with a coworker of his or something, and i looked at her eyes and she seemed to be telling the truth, i felt bad for not trusting her.
So we go to my son's godfather BD and the guy friend was there as well as a lot of their friends, the guy comes up and says hi, i look at his eyes and don't seen an ounce of anything that would make me think there was something going on. That day my wife and i were kind of fighting and she was very distant with me, i went to her several times and i hugged her and she hugged me back, but you could tell we were in the rocks, Anyway, big fight afterwards and we got home. I went thru her phone and she had called him when i dropped her at my son's godfather party (i went back an hour later), but he din't answer and then called back but she didn't answer.
So when go go to the second therapy sesión she tells me that she neede space and blah, blah and i end up leaving the house.
In late Nov i go thru her cel pone bill in the coputer at our apartment and i find a lot of calls she made to this guy (i had found out his phone number), a couple of calls were at 6 in the morning just when she had left the house, short calls, another call was one day i had gone to the supermarket, another was one time she went out with all of her HS friends after i had left the house, and one the day i left, most of them were at 9 at night and were followed to calls to her mom. Some of this calls were 15, 20 minutes long.
Last call (and this is the part that intrigues me) was on oct 6 and it was a 31 minute call. So i confront her and she tells me "how do i know whose number belongs to who?" i said "I know his number" and then she tells me those were just calls and that he was supporting her when we just separated and that since he had gone thru the same he understood. I said "but 20-30 minute calls?" she says "my problems are not a 5 minute call situation" and she say "you looked at sept bill right?, because if you look at the october bill you'd realice there was only one or two calls at the beggining and none after all. And that was that.
I asked he the following day why did the calls stop, why she didn0't call him again, she wouldn't tell me, she said, "you want to know that for your own peace of mind?, i won't tell you.
Long story short i saw the oct, nov and december bills and there where no more calls, she couldn't have stopped because i knew because back at the beggining of oct i didn't know about the calls.
A coule of days ago while discussing divorce proceedings i asked her again about the calls and how dissapointed, she said "if you really knew me you would know that's not me, i wouldn't do something like that while still married", i thought for a minute and asked her OK, but why did you stop calling him if he was such a friend supporting you and all. She said, my mom's BD was on 8th of october and since he (the friend) is a chef i hired him to do a thai dinner for my mom and that's why i was contacting him. Why did you stop i asked, she said just because, no reason to call him.
My big question to all of you seasoned TAMers.
To me something must have happend there. I believe part of her "confusión" and wanting space and all that crap from me, was because this "friend" was in her life and she became infatuated with him, i strongly belive that.
I left on the 24th of september, last call to him was on the 6th of october. There must have been a reason for her to stopped calling him. The thai dinner story is true by the way, but still she was contacting him way before that.
What do you think happend?, EA, PA, something happend and she backed out. He backed out? If she was having an affair or planning of having one, why so short lived?, why stop if i had left and given her all the "space" needed?
Thanks for Reading the long story.
My wife and i separated 4 months ago. We were having problems, being distant with each other, emotional apart both of us, i was taking her for granted and being cold in the relatioship as well as some other problems and as you probably know that mae us more like roomates tan lovers. At that point we had been married for 4 years and 9 months and have a three year old boy.
We went to therapy because she had become more distant and i realized at that point we had to do something or we were headed for D. Afyter two sessions she said she was feeling presured and needed "space" and "to figure out her feelings for me" so for stupid reasons i moved out and let her have her own cake and eat it too. Yeah, a lot of people told me there must be somebody else. Nahhh i said i dont think so. I was wrong or was i?
She had become close to her old friends from school for about a couple of months prior to that and had gone out to restaurants a couple of times. They had a Whatsupp group and everything was cool, until...
I blew her off a couple of times and went out with friends and came drunik late at night, she started to drift further away, so one day her friends ha a BBQ and she left with a girlfriend of hers and her best friend (godfather to our boy) and came home at 4:30 in the morning, not wasted or anything, but another friend of hers ( i guy i had met once or twice at my son's godfather's house) had drop her since the others were still at the BBQ and she wanted to come home, nothing big right? When she got home she mentioned "You wouldn't know what happend to my friend X who's just getting divorced from his wife" i said, no, whatever. I didn't care, nothing big. But i had a Little itch in my stomach since that day for that guy, i don't know, something wasn't right.
Maybe three weeks later while our relationship had gone really sour i checked her pone, there was no messages from her or him, but there was one call she made at 6 in the morning to him one day after she had left for work and another maybe two weeks later on a friday night that was maybe 15 minutes long.
I confronted her, she got mad since i invaded her privacy and she said, he's my friend since the 5th grade and he neede help with something at the hospital she Works for so she called him that early to assit him with a coworker of his or something, and i looked at her eyes and she seemed to be telling the truth, i felt bad for not trusting her.
So we go to my son's godfather BD and the guy friend was there as well as a lot of their friends, the guy comes up and says hi, i look at his eyes and don't seen an ounce of anything that would make me think there was something going on. That day my wife and i were kind of fighting and she was very distant with me, i went to her several times and i hugged her and she hugged me back, but you could tell we were in the rocks, Anyway, big fight afterwards and we got home. I went thru her phone and she had called him when i dropped her at my son's godfather party (i went back an hour later), but he din't answer and then called back but she didn't answer.
So when go go to the second therapy sesión she tells me that she neede space and blah, blah and i end up leaving the house.
In late Nov i go thru her cel pone bill in the coputer at our apartment and i find a lot of calls she made to this guy (i had found out his phone number), a couple of calls were at 6 in the morning just when she had left the house, short calls, another call was one day i had gone to the supermarket, another was one time she went out with all of her HS friends after i had left the house, and one the day i left, most of them were at 9 at night and were followed to calls to her mom. Some of this calls were 15, 20 minutes long.
Last call (and this is the part that intrigues me) was on oct 6 and it was a 31 minute call. So i confront her and she tells me "how do i know whose number belongs to who?" i said "I know his number" and then she tells me those were just calls and that he was supporting her when we just separated and that since he had gone thru the same he understood. I said "but 20-30 minute calls?" she says "my problems are not a 5 minute call situation" and she say "you looked at sept bill right?, because if you look at the october bill you'd realice there was only one or two calls at the beggining and none after all. And that was that.
I asked he the following day why did the calls stop, why she didn0't call him again, she wouldn't tell me, she said, "you want to know that for your own peace of mind?, i won't tell you.
Long story short i saw the oct, nov and december bills and there where no more calls, she couldn't have stopped because i knew because back at the beggining of oct i didn't know about the calls.
A coule of days ago while discussing divorce proceedings i asked her again about the calls and how dissapointed, she said "if you really knew me you would know that's not me, i wouldn't do something like that while still married", i thought for a minute and asked her OK, but why did you stop calling him if he was such a friend supporting you and all. She said, my mom's BD was on 8th of october and since he (the friend) is a chef i hired him to do a thai dinner for my mom and that's why i was contacting him. Why did you stop i asked, she said just because, no reason to call him.
My big question to all of you seasoned TAMers.
To me something must have happend there. I believe part of her "confusión" and wanting space and all that crap from me, was because this "friend" was in her life and she became infatuated with him, i strongly belive that.
I left on the 24th of september, last call to him was on the 6th of october. There must have been a reason for her to stopped calling him. The thai dinner story is true by the way, but still she was contacting him way before that.
What do you think happend?, EA, PA, something happend and she backed out. He backed out? If she was having an affair or planning of having one, why so short lived?, why stop if i had left and given her all the "space" needed?
Thanks for Reading the long story.
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