So i feel so stuck.
Obviously I am a Nice Guy. I have been working out for the last year - have transformed my body to hell and high water, that is noticeable by everyone. I have majorly been working on me - diet, lost weight, increased muscles where my wife comments every week on how I have changed...
I keep finding myself in this same place ..everything working for me except what I want in my relationship with my wife.. I want it to be a certain way and yet its far from that . I want us to have a passionate sex life and intimacy...
We have sex perhaps one time every two weeks. we got to once per week from 1 time every 3-4 weeks because she went through a stressful time with losing family and I think she is kind of depressed. She seems to sleep a lot and be low on energy.
She does work out 3 times or more per week and seems to have energy to work with no rules around work - but when it comes to play and having fun in the sexual or intimate way - it seems she would rather sleep at times or just sit there ...
Today I went to initiate with wife and I got comment after comment of judgements about how I was kissing her, touching her, then she throws in I am acting weird and this is why she doesnt want to have sex any more with me.
Its weird because months ago she was telling me she had no libido, tonight shes says - I feel like we have been through this a million times. Your weirdness is causing me not to want to have sex...then she goes to state that I started this conversation with her and argument....
Whats funny is I gave her a massage, and I have always initiated sex over the last year or two... I asked her how often we have this problem when she initates wanting to have sex ? ( i kind of knew the answer was unlikely to come ) I explained that during tonight - i told her what I liked and did a bunch of loving things with no judgements however everything I do she has judgements about - probably not best comments however they needed to be said.
I always seem to be giving the massages and doing the work in the initiating side, or warming her up side. I am wondering if perhaps I should let her be and just see if she ever initiates with me since its seem to have been forever since she has ..
I told her I want to spend time with her and that I have never said I am tired in fact I enjoy being with her rather than sleeping and I think about her - perhaps I am too excited and this is my issue. That when we get to have an opportunity to have sex- because there is a two or three week gap perhaps I get a bit fidgity or nervous or I am looking at her reactions too much , that perhaps I should ignore her and just do what I want ....
I got up after she made a comment that she works hard all day long and that she is tired ...and she shut her eyes ..and went to sleep.. I thought if I lay there I am going to feel sick ..
Keep in mind before all this she preamps it with I dont want to make you feel down - or make you feel down --- but ... I am just saying you act weird kissing me and massaging me and why do you do things like this ..
I feel as if much of this is an exaggeration because the last time we had this chat is 7 months ago, but she makes it aware to me tonight that its 100% of the time ( which I know isnt true) - whats even funnier is why I am kissing her and massaging her - she just lays there watching me - like a one man show with me trying to advance and her doing minimal responding - how do I deal with this ?
Its never her fault , its me that is weird... GOSH. I wish I knew how to fix this issue, I tried to talk and ask what do you think would solve this ? She didnt want to get into this - obviously putting me down and not taking any part responsibility seems like a good idea....
I am so lost on how to shift - who I am, its VERY PAINFUL .
So I sit in a room by myself thinking what the hell... how do I deal with this.
Maybe she is just stressed and really just didnt want to have sex , so shes just picking at everything I am doing - last 10 times - there havent seemed to be issues.. Yet tonight she wants to make me feel like I am a loser or what ?
Whats funny is for the last 2 years there hasnt been one time she has initiated any sex with me, its always me. She has been very tired. when we do have sex
I give her oral - and make her feel great then we always have sex ..
she doesnt initiate any more on her own, doesnt give me oral and most of the time she seems to want to rather give me a HJob vs sex...
I feel really ****ty - when I can do everything for everyone - work my ass off, but when it comes to the intimacy - i feel like I am missing something - and I juts dont get it - its really painful ...really ...
I know many of you guys have your opinions, I feel like running away somewhere when she digs into me about how I am weird around sex and then make me feel like an alien and proceeds to go to sleep and not want to even talk ...
Its really tough . I am soooo stuck it hurts , I feel very puzzled on
how to even deal with all of this. I do want to have sex with my wife .
And as many of you have said before - I may just be in a sexless marriage, perhaps I need to just shake it off and not be so attached to any kind of intimacy .. perhaps that is the issue. Maybe I should not attempt any sex for the next 6 months or so ...
Its puzzling , do I initiate with much of her excuses? The last 4 times, have been I am tired, why are you a different person in bed, not now, I need rest
I wish I knew the answer and its been ages and I still havent figured it out
and why is she pointing all of the fingers at me - when she isnt even in that space ?
I would love to hear some advice from a womens point of view. Perhaps I should stop focusing on this so much - but I truly miss that passion in our relationship. I have explained how when we are together - I do feel energized and turned on to do more in life. I like to feel wanted by her...
I dont know what to do any more. It seems to be a broken record. There must be some way to shift all of this - I must be missing it. I have gone to coaches and had advice from professionals however she seems stuck in her place where she is and I seem to not be able to break through with her .
I want to get that romance and desire back in our relationship. I also seem to be last in priority after her, child, family, work and then if she has anything left at 10 pm at night - that 10 minutes is for me before she goes to bed. I have suggested dates away from work during the day and other ideas however she seems to have lost much of her libido - she also doesnt seem to want to
exert any effort in that area...
We usually just have sex. I seem to be more into it all the time than she does ...When I do start with her - many times she seems to just be laying there and judging me - or not really responding with desire rather watching me - and processing with her mind what is going on ...
ANY IDEAS - Ladies ? I am all ears
Obviously I am a Nice Guy. I have been working out for the last year - have transformed my body to hell and high water, that is noticeable by everyone. I have majorly been working on me - diet, lost weight, increased muscles where my wife comments every week on how I have changed...
I keep finding myself in this same place ..everything working for me except what I want in my relationship with my wife.. I want it to be a certain way and yet its far from that . I want us to have a passionate sex life and intimacy...
We have sex perhaps one time every two weeks. we got to once per week from 1 time every 3-4 weeks because she went through a stressful time with losing family and I think she is kind of depressed. She seems to sleep a lot and be low on energy.
She does work out 3 times or more per week and seems to have energy to work with no rules around work - but when it comes to play and having fun in the sexual or intimate way - it seems she would rather sleep at times or just sit there ...
Today I went to initiate with wife and I got comment after comment of judgements about how I was kissing her, touching her, then she throws in I am acting weird and this is why she doesnt want to have sex any more with me.
Its weird because months ago she was telling me she had no libido, tonight shes says - I feel like we have been through this a million times. Your weirdness is causing me not to want to have sex...then she goes to state that I started this conversation with her and argument....
Whats funny is I gave her a massage, and I have always initiated sex over the last year or two... I asked her how often we have this problem when she initates wanting to have sex ? ( i kind of knew the answer was unlikely to come ) I explained that during tonight - i told her what I liked and did a bunch of loving things with no judgements however everything I do she has judgements about - probably not best comments however they needed to be said.
I always seem to be giving the massages and doing the work in the initiating side, or warming her up side. I am wondering if perhaps I should let her be and just see if she ever initiates with me since its seem to have been forever since she has ..
I told her I want to spend time with her and that I have never said I am tired in fact I enjoy being with her rather than sleeping and I think about her - perhaps I am too excited and this is my issue. That when we get to have an opportunity to have sex- because there is a two or three week gap perhaps I get a bit fidgity or nervous or I am looking at her reactions too much , that perhaps I should ignore her and just do what I want ....
I got up after she made a comment that she works hard all day long and that she is tired ...and she shut her eyes ..and went to sleep.. I thought if I lay there I am going to feel sick ..
Keep in mind before all this she preamps it with I dont want to make you feel down - or make you feel down --- but ... I am just saying you act weird kissing me and massaging me and why do you do things like this ..
I feel as if much of this is an exaggeration because the last time we had this chat is 7 months ago, but she makes it aware to me tonight that its 100% of the time ( which I know isnt true) - whats even funnier is why I am kissing her and massaging her - she just lays there watching me - like a one man show with me trying to advance and her doing minimal responding - how do I deal with this ?
Its never her fault , its me that is weird... GOSH. I wish I knew how to fix this issue, I tried to talk and ask what do you think would solve this ? She didnt want to get into this - obviously putting me down and not taking any part responsibility seems like a good idea....
I am so lost on how to shift - who I am, its VERY PAINFUL .
So I sit in a room by myself thinking what the hell... how do I deal with this.
Maybe she is just stressed and really just didnt want to have sex , so shes just picking at everything I am doing - last 10 times - there havent seemed to be issues.. Yet tonight she wants to make me feel like I am a loser or what ?
Whats funny is for the last 2 years there hasnt been one time she has initiated any sex with me, its always me. She has been very tired. when we do have sex
I give her oral - and make her feel great then we always have sex ..
she doesnt initiate any more on her own, doesnt give me oral and most of the time she seems to want to rather give me a HJob vs sex...
I feel really ****ty - when I can do everything for everyone - work my ass off, but when it comes to the intimacy - i feel like I am missing something - and I juts dont get it - its really painful ...really ...
I know many of you guys have your opinions, I feel like running away somewhere when she digs into me about how I am weird around sex and then make me feel like an alien and proceeds to go to sleep and not want to even talk ...
Its really tough . I am soooo stuck it hurts , I feel very puzzled on
how to even deal with all of this. I do want to have sex with my wife .
And as many of you have said before - I may just be in a sexless marriage, perhaps I need to just shake it off and not be so attached to any kind of intimacy .. perhaps that is the issue. Maybe I should not attempt any sex for the next 6 months or so ...
Its puzzling , do I initiate with much of her excuses? The last 4 times, have been I am tired, why are you a different person in bed, not now, I need rest
I wish I knew the answer and its been ages and I still havent figured it out
and why is she pointing all of the fingers at me - when she isnt even in that space ?
I would love to hear some advice from a womens point of view. Perhaps I should stop focusing on this so much - but I truly miss that passion in our relationship. I have explained how when we are together - I do feel energized and turned on to do more in life. I like to feel wanted by her...
I dont know what to do any more. It seems to be a broken record. There must be some way to shift all of this - I must be missing it. I have gone to coaches and had advice from professionals however she seems stuck in her place where she is and I seem to not be able to break through with her .
I want to get that romance and desire back in our relationship. I also seem to be last in priority after her, child, family, work and then if she has anything left at 10 pm at night - that 10 minutes is for me before she goes to bed. I have suggested dates away from work during the day and other ideas however she seems to have lost much of her libido - she also doesnt seem to want to
exert any effort in that area...
We usually just have sex. I seem to be more into it all the time than she does ...When I do start with her - many times she seems to just be laying there and judging me - or not really responding with desire rather watching me - and processing with her mind what is going on ...
ANY IDEAS - Ladies ? I am all ears
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