In another thread I upset a lot of people when I expressed my negative view of divorce (which, I'll admit, is pretty extreme). I'll state that bias upfront here.
I spent some time reading the threads in "Talk About Divorce and Separation". The heartache there is tremendous. And, per the title, there is a lot of talk about divorce.
In so many cases, the poster is dealing with a spouse who either does not see the problems in the marriage or blames the poster for all the problems. I've heard enough complaints from others in the real world to believe that this is probably accurate most of the time though I'm sure we would hear something different from the spouse, perhaps even the opposite complaint.
Although I did see many fine suggestions on particular medical or psychological problems (suggesting to see a counselor about some possible malady) the conversation seemed always to turn quickly to the mechanics of divorce.
One comment I frequently saw in different variations was: "I can't fix this marriage alone." From there it is a very short hop to "I need to get a out of this marriage".
Having seen how divorces trade one set of problems for another, especially when kids are involved, I am wondering whether those offering advice are too quick to entertain that option.
I did see some examples where suggestions were offered for unilateral actions but they were very exceptional and usually related to some suspected condition in the other spouse. (Cure the condition and save the marriage.)
Am I exaggerating the hesitance to advise those in difficult marriages to act unilaterally instead of seeking divorce?
(I'm not quite sure how to regard separation. It can be a useful unilateral action to make the spouse realize how serious the problem is but more often it seems like a step towards divorce.)
I see my own marriage in many of those threads. Medical and psychological issues aside, marriage is most difficult when life presents challenges that put pressure on two people who are already not getting along very well. Finance is the most common such example. It is very hard for people to learn to get along with one another while dealing with all the problems of life and it's very tempting to believe that the spouse is adding to the problems instead of helping.
I look forward to your thoughts.
I spent some time reading the threads in "Talk About Divorce and Separation". The heartache there is tremendous. And, per the title, there is a lot of talk about divorce.
In so many cases, the poster is dealing with a spouse who either does not see the problems in the marriage or blames the poster for all the problems. I've heard enough complaints from others in the real world to believe that this is probably accurate most of the time though I'm sure we would hear something different from the spouse, perhaps even the opposite complaint.
Although I did see many fine suggestions on particular medical or psychological problems (suggesting to see a counselor about some possible malady) the conversation seemed always to turn quickly to the mechanics of divorce.
One comment I frequently saw in different variations was: "I can't fix this marriage alone." From there it is a very short hop to "I need to get a out of this marriage".
Having seen how divorces trade one set of problems for another, especially when kids are involved, I am wondering whether those offering advice are too quick to entertain that option.
I did see some examples where suggestions were offered for unilateral actions but they were very exceptional and usually related to some suspected condition in the other spouse. (Cure the condition and save the marriage.)
Am I exaggerating the hesitance to advise those in difficult marriages to act unilaterally instead of seeking divorce?
(I'm not quite sure how to regard separation. It can be a useful unilateral action to make the spouse realize how serious the problem is but more often it seems like a step towards divorce.)
I see my own marriage in many of those threads. Medical and psychological issues aside, marriage is most difficult when life presents challenges that put pressure on two people who are already not getting along very well. Finance is the most common such example. It is very hard for people to learn to get along with one another while dealing with all the problems of life and it's very tempting to believe that the spouse is adding to the problems instead of helping.
I look forward to your thoughts.
Put the internet to work for you.
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