I have been married for 6 years and have a 3 yo son. My marriage has huge issues and I am full of hurt, anger and dissapointment. I really don't know how to begin. My dh gambles. A lot I would say, but in his opinion he is "working" to provide for us, his family. We both work full time, I earn a little more than him. He has all kinds of debts that I don't know about, I must take out all my sallary from the card and bring it home. In 2-3 days almost all money is gone. With the rest he pays the rent so I am left with what he is willing to bring home from his sallary. If I want to buy clothes, I need to ask him, if I need to go to the dentist, I need to ask him and so on. I am sick and tired of fighting with him for money.
Gambling is only a little issue compared to his temper. He is angry most of the time, he is moody, one minute is calm and the next he explodes. There are days when everything sets him off. He comes home from work and starts with the criticism: nothing is good, I don't cook enough, I don't clean enough, I don't take care of our son. It is true that there are days when I am tired, when the dishes are not washed or the laundry remains in the washing machine...but I am the one doing it all. He does nothing, absolutely nothing around the house..well, when he is not gambling he is playing video games. In his "bad" days he orders me around, I have to serve him dinner and after he eats he simply gets up and leaves all the mess behind him (dirty dishes, leftovers...). I need to clean after him as if he was a baby.
He talks badly about me in front of my mother and his parents. He underlines any of my shortcomings.
He is extremely jealous of me even though he has no reason to be. He calls me a "****" even though he was the first man that I slept with.
I tried to talk to him, to ask him to stop gambling, to be nicer, to help me around the house. I tried with nice talking, I yelled at him, I said i would leave, nothing worked. On the contrary, his angry outburts, yelling, name calling, spitting, shoving, breaking objects intensified. He hit me a couple of times, a few slaps, left some bruises on my arms. He has this unique way of knowing exactly what buttons to push to provoke me, to have a reaction from me, to make me feel guilty. I will give you an example: he comes home angry, he gives me the silent treatment, I ignore him, he gets angrier and stars to yell at me: go get me that or that, go make me dinner, go get me beer, take out the gargbage now. I continue to ignore him even though I am angry and afraid. He acts like this in front of our son. If he gets no reaction from me he tells our son: mom is bad, lazy, she does not love you and you don't love her. As incredible as it may sound, he even tells him to hit me which he does. I am a wreck, there are many nights that I cry myself to sleep. I had depression and anxiety 2 years ago. I took an antidepressants for 6 months and i defeated depression. I am struggling now, but I seem fine as long as I avoid thinking about my marriage problems. Our last fight was because of money, he took it all and when i confronted him he grabbed my neck and pushed me. I reacted really bad. I should have remained calm, but I started screaming and hitting him back. I honnestly don't understand my reaction, I swear that deep down I was so afraid, but I got violent too. I don't know why. Maybe is all the anger that I gathered in my heart, maybe is the depression coming back, I don't know...of course I was the one left with bruises, he was fine, but once again he can prove to everyone that i am to blame, that I am a bad wife and a bad mother. I am sad and lonely and I would really appreciate to hear your opinions. I am 30 btw and he is the same age
Gambling is only a little issue compared to his temper. He is angry most of the time, he is moody, one minute is calm and the next he explodes. There are days when everything sets him off. He comes home from work and starts with the criticism: nothing is good, I don't cook enough, I don't clean enough, I don't take care of our son. It is true that there are days when I am tired, when the dishes are not washed or the laundry remains in the washing machine...but I am the one doing it all. He does nothing, absolutely nothing around the house..well, when he is not gambling he is playing video games. In his "bad" days he orders me around, I have to serve him dinner and after he eats he simply gets up and leaves all the mess behind him (dirty dishes, leftovers...). I need to clean after him as if he was a baby.
He talks badly about me in front of my mother and his parents. He underlines any of my shortcomings.
He is extremely jealous of me even though he has no reason to be. He calls me a "****" even though he was the first man that I slept with.
I tried to talk to him, to ask him to stop gambling, to be nicer, to help me around the house. I tried with nice talking, I yelled at him, I said i would leave, nothing worked. On the contrary, his angry outburts, yelling, name calling, spitting, shoving, breaking objects intensified. He hit me a couple of times, a few slaps, left some bruises on my arms. He has this unique way of knowing exactly what buttons to push to provoke me, to have a reaction from me, to make me feel guilty. I will give you an example: he comes home angry, he gives me the silent treatment, I ignore him, he gets angrier and stars to yell at me: go get me that or that, go make me dinner, go get me beer, take out the gargbage now. I continue to ignore him even though I am angry and afraid. He acts like this in front of our son. If he gets no reaction from me he tells our son: mom is bad, lazy, she does not love you and you don't love her. As incredible as it may sound, he even tells him to hit me which he does. I am a wreck, there are many nights that I cry myself to sleep. I had depression and anxiety 2 years ago. I took an antidepressants for 6 months and i defeated depression. I am struggling now, but I seem fine as long as I avoid thinking about my marriage problems. Our last fight was because of money, he took it all and when i confronted him he grabbed my neck and pushed me. I reacted really bad. I should have remained calm, but I started screaming and hitting him back. I honnestly don't understand my reaction, I swear that deep down I was so afraid, but I got violent too. I don't know why. Maybe is all the anger that I gathered in my heart, maybe is the depression coming back, I don't know...of course I was the one left with bruises, he was fine, but once again he can prove to everyone that i am to blame, that I am a bad wife and a bad mother. I am sad and lonely and I would really appreciate to hear your opinions. I am 30 btw and he is the same age
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