Hi I have a few problems when it comes to guys. I am 18 soon. Please no judging.
1. I have been to a girls school for my whole life and only this year have I got to know boys. It has been quite full-on and I have got with about 20/25 guys in the past few months. I also lost my virginity. Has anyone else been to a girls school their whole life? I feel very used and 'slutty' but I was not prepared for this, I didn't really see it happening and then it just...happened... so quickly. I don't normally enjoy the things I do with guys.
2. Guys only want me for my body. Not a single one of the guys mentioned above have wanted anything more from me. Why? I must be coming across as some sort of object. I also feel this is a flaw brought about by going to a girls school - I am not good friends with any boys. I feel even the ones I talk to regularly still want me just for sex. I have never been friend-zoned. So I get with guys before getting to know them properly and so I assume that's why they see me only physically, not as an actual person with a personality and emotions. They always talk about my body, in particular my breasts. The attention was nice at first but now I just feel objectified. The one guy I have a huge crush on, really really like him, has told me straight up he's not interested in a relationship despite us talking often, etc. He's made it clear he wants my body though. Ridiculously frustrating.
3. I guess this is also down to the fact I don't know how to say NO to guys. I feel this is because I am a pushover and a people pleaser and also because I have waiting for so long to get to know guys. Oh and also I feel a definite sense of pressure. Even small things like when a guy leans in for a kiss, etc, I ALWAYS do it.. I have no idea how to say no. When they text me asking me when I'm free to meet up, another part of me takes over and, lo and behold, 5 minutes later I have set a date for next week - which I know I don't want to go to, as it will most likely be for a hook-up. I also had non-consensual sex once, which was horrible, but it taught me to be wary. I guess I learnt the hard way.
Bit of a rant, sorry. Just wondering if people had any advice, this is all a bit new for me. Feel quite ashamed. Thank you so much.
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