I've been with my husband for about 2 1/2 years now. I love him dearly and I really don't want to call it quits but I'm at a loss for what to do anymore. Here's a little bit of background:
We married in 2012 and it seems that since then each argument we have had gets more and more escalated and it's always about the same things. I will agree that when we moved in together I didn't know how to be a true house wife so my cleaning and organizational skills were lacking. I'm not saying I was a slob but if I had a magazine on the table, a shirt laying over the chair, the bed unmade, laundry washed and folded but not put away, it seemed ok to me. I wasn't embarrassed to invite people in. Now add that with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and I just didn't feel like doing anything most days. We argued all the time about this. I finally decided someone has to change their ways and I knew it wasn't going to be him. I now mop the floors on my hands and knees once a week, bed made every day, dishes done, lunch is packed, dinners are planned. Everything he has asked me to do I do it. How is it still now enough? Today I had dinner ingredients Sat out bc apparently I'm a bad cook and am not allowed to make dinner anymore, and I had to table set. I got reemed out bc the table was set too early.
Each argument we get into consists of him insulting me in some way (I'm stupid, retarded, unintelligent, etc), him telling me that what I do (housework, grocery shopping,meal coordination. Raising two kids) is not enough and he wants more out of me, and then saying he's leaving me (when he's all talk anyway),and then an apology in the morning via text. I come away from each argument so hurt but more determined to prove that I'm not dumb and I'm not a piece of crap. The only thing I have ever asked of him is to treat me as an equal. To show me love and affection. To tell me I'm beautiful (which tonight he has informed me that I'm not) and to surprise me every once in awhile and not materialisticly either. He has yet to do any of it. In front of family or friends or out in public I feel like a friend to him and not a wife. I don't get to hold hands or get a speck on the cheek. I don't even get a thank you for just doing what I should. No appreciation, nothing.
When I lay it out like that people wonder, how can you still love him? I'm not really sure any more but I just know that I do, and I really want to make this thing work. Help?
Ps counseling is out of the question. To him it's a joke.
We married in 2012 and it seems that since then each argument we have had gets more and more escalated and it's always about the same things. I will agree that when we moved in together I didn't know how to be a true house wife so my cleaning and organizational skills were lacking. I'm not saying I was a slob but if I had a magazine on the table, a shirt laying over the chair, the bed unmade, laundry washed and folded but not put away, it seemed ok to me. I wasn't embarrassed to invite people in. Now add that with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue and I just didn't feel like doing anything most days. We argued all the time about this. I finally decided someone has to change their ways and I knew it wasn't going to be him. I now mop the floors on my hands and knees once a week, bed made every day, dishes done, lunch is packed, dinners are planned. Everything he has asked me to do I do it. How is it still now enough? Today I had dinner ingredients Sat out bc apparently I'm a bad cook and am not allowed to make dinner anymore, and I had to table set. I got reemed out bc the table was set too early.
Each argument we get into consists of him insulting me in some way (I'm stupid, retarded, unintelligent, etc), him telling me that what I do (housework, grocery shopping,meal coordination. Raising two kids) is not enough and he wants more out of me, and then saying he's leaving me (when he's all talk anyway),and then an apology in the morning via text. I come away from each argument so hurt but more determined to prove that I'm not dumb and I'm not a piece of crap. The only thing I have ever asked of him is to treat me as an equal. To show me love and affection. To tell me I'm beautiful (which tonight he has informed me that I'm not) and to surprise me every once in awhile and not materialisticly either. He has yet to do any of it. In front of family or friends or out in public I feel like a friend to him and not a wife. I don't get to hold hands or get a speck on the cheek. I don't even get a thank you for just doing what I should. No appreciation, nothing.
When I lay it out like that people wonder, how can you still love him? I'm not really sure any more but I just know that I do, and I really want to make this thing work. Help?
Ps counseling is out of the question. To him it's a joke.
Put the internet to work for you.
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