Im 34 Ive been with my husband off and on now for almost 11 years, we just got married for the second time in June. He suffers from biopolar. So about every three months we split up normally for about a month or so. Then he always comes crying and begging me back cause he cant live with out me. Now mind you everytime we break up he sees other girls and so a few times Ive honstley tried to start a new life and have gone out on dates. And at one point we were broke up for about 2 months and stuff was getting pretty serious with this other guy until my husband now called and needed to see me he said he had just got out of the hospital and needed to talk so against my better judgement I meet him he told me he had cancer . He was all upset crying the whole nine yards at first i was sceptial but he convinced me. So since at that time we had spent 7 years of or lives together I told the man i was seeing i coulnt let him go threw this alone so I went back. Come t o find out a couple months down the road he had been lying. Cause he knew that was the only way I was going to go back with him. So as upset as I was about him lying we stayed together. Still doing the off and on thing I never know from day to day if were going to be together or if he changes his mind threw out the day.For 5 years now Ive suffered from anxiety and depression do to all the instability, witch he dose not understand witch is why we got married this time. We separated in April for a couple of weeks. And I was fine but as soon as he came back I started having really bad panic attacks. So he suggested we get married again so that away i know he wont leave again. And since i was looking for anything to make me feel better i did it. Two days after we got married everything went back to the way it was before i was no longer important to him again he was always gone running around with his friend who needed him cause he was having marriage problems. And exactlay a mon th from the day we got married i told him to leave he was always accussing me or being decetiful and unfaithful, going threw my phone facebook journals whatever he could get his hands on. Mind you now at this point do to my panic attacks and now agorophobia. My boss has made me take some time off work so as hes accussing me of all this I cant even leave the house with out having a panic attack. He was gone about a week then called and was so sorry so stuiped me believed him so we got back together. I do believe in marriage so I figured I should try. Now with all my emotional issues going on i have no sex drive at all so of course I must be messing with someone else. I heard about this for a week i am his wife that is my job ect ect. So two nights ago he went and stayed at his house cause he was mad cause i dont want to have sex with him cause im a wreck right now. He called yesterday and said he cant do this anymore while i was on my way to councling when i got home he was h ere. He said he didnt mean to say that its the bipolar. Whatever so I just told him i cant do this roller coaster no more so he called me some choice words then went back to his house. He called me later and I just told him I need time to see if this is what I want cause this is pure hell. The last 11 years ive devoted my life to him and my children so i have noone to talk to cause if i were to talk to a friend while were together he would get mad. So now I have noone at all. Please any advice will help.
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