Basic background: Lived in large metro area for most of my life (@20 years). During that time entered into a mentally abusive and socially isolating relationship and subsequent marriage (obviously I didn't realize that at the time). Following the marriage I moved with him for his work to another state that I hated and he continued to make it difficult for me socially. We eventually divorced and it was not amicable (see other threads). Now I have moved home and am living again with my somewhat unsupportive family. My extended family is here as are the maybe 3 friends who I kept in touch with during this whole mess. My ex has tons of friends here (as they are the only ones he really allowed me to socialize with) and I am constantly terrified of running into them.
So here are my issues: while I am in a large area with many people, the metro area I am in is known for not being friendly and being very cliquey; I am ashamed that I lived here for so long yet have so little left here after what has happened ( I did have a normal social life and life in general pre-relationship); several times when I have attended a meetup or club I have had people be rude to me once they realize I am from here originally, and honestly I love the area-I just don't love trying to start over here (I met a another woman at a divorce support group and she had moved in the middle of her divorce for work to here and she had been terrified about making friends as well as she is extremely shy but she now has this massive group of friends but she feels that she only has that because she is new here-if she had stayed in her original location she'd be in my boat-although due to shyness not social isolation.)
So I have strongly been considering moving so I can start over with a clean slate. But it almost makes me feel like because of how things happened I am letting him "win" by not being able to start over in our hometown or that I am running away from my problems, I would again be leaving the few friends and family, and moving does not ensure that my past does not catch up with me or that I will succeed where I move. I do wish I could just make things work here.
I really just don't know what to do... I am very unhappy here but have thought about giving myself a year or two to try and reacclimate and then move. I feel if I try and move right away that if I have to come back I will still not have anything here and I cannot financially afford it right now.
Does anyone have any experience with this? Either moving again after a divorce so that they can have a clean slate or having dealt with a socially isolating relationship (and no I cannot reconnect with friends from my past. He made sure of it). I am only in my late 20s and feel like I am missing out on having a normal life :/
The few people I have available to me to ask have been very split on their opinions so TAM people any ideas? pros and cons?
So here are my issues: while I am in a large area with many people, the metro area I am in is known for not being friendly and being very cliquey; I am ashamed that I lived here for so long yet have so little left here after what has happened ( I did have a normal social life and life in general pre-relationship); several times when I have attended a meetup or club I have had people be rude to me once they realize I am from here originally, and honestly I love the area-I just don't love trying to start over here (I met a another woman at a divorce support group and she had moved in the middle of her divorce for work to here and she had been terrified about making friends as well as she is extremely shy but she now has this massive group of friends but she feels that she only has that because she is new here-if she had stayed in her original location she'd be in my boat-although due to shyness not social isolation.)
So I have strongly been considering moving so I can start over with a clean slate. But it almost makes me feel like because of how things happened I am letting him "win" by not being able to start over in our hometown or that I am running away from my problems, I would again be leaving the few friends and family, and moving does not ensure that my past does not catch up with me or that I will succeed where I move. I do wish I could just make things work here.
I really just don't know what to do... I am very unhappy here but have thought about giving myself a year or two to try and reacclimate and then move. I feel if I try and move right away that if I have to come back I will still not have anything here and I cannot financially afford it right now.
Does anyone have any experience with this? Either moving again after a divorce so that they can have a clean slate or having dealt with a socially isolating relationship (and no I cannot reconnect with friends from my past. He made sure of it). I am only in my late 20s and feel like I am missing out on having a normal life :/
The few people I have available to me to ask have been very split on their opinions so TAM people any ideas? pros and cons?
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