Anon because I've posted before and got a bit of abuse for no apparent reason...any suggestions are welcome provided they are constructive.
Basically me and my girlfriend have been going out a short while now (only about a month or just over), and so its basically still a blossoming romance.
So far so good, things are o.k., we are very much into each other (to my knowledge), we are close. In fact, much closer than me and the ex ever were (went out with ex for a year and a half). We texted a hell of a lot, we were very expressive and open (sexually and emotionally). She'd tell me how amazing, great, and caring I was, and I would return these compliments. We would both buy each other gifts as 'leaving presents' since we won't see much of each other over summer. I live here locally, and she lives away. So we both realized that it would be hard, but we both very much are still into each other.
However, I am very paranoid because of 'existing' issues with trust, anxiety and depression, which I have suffered from as a result of prior experiences. Also, my girlfriend does have a promiscuous past, she has had a lot of sex, with guys that have girlfriends, with girls, with friends etc etc. I like her a hell of a lot, and it kind of hurts to know it really. I'd like to think that she will not do any of this stuff whilst with me. Though, I'd rather her tell me, but at same time I didn't like the answers when she told me. Its a hard pill to swallow really.
She has told me a few times that she wants to be with me, and nobody else because I make her happy, she loves my personality and everything. If she wanted to be with someone else she would (despite her past), and that she would never cheat.
But I just have this feeling, that I should never trust a person until actions prove otherwise. It hurts me that I cannot fully allow myself to do so. I'm just a very sensitive bloke, led a sheltered life. I hate all this culture about people being free and open and the 'casual' scene of sexuality. I suppose I am a bit prude but in a very sensitive sense (i.e. not snotty). I actually believe I have deep feelings for this girl, thus its hard for me to look past my confliction, but I can if I really try.
I am guarded, but understandably so...she has gone back home today and I have noticed a gradual decrease in messaging (not that want to sound clingy), perhaps she is just settling back in. But I fear the uncertainty that a long distance situation brings, like her losing interest, her finding someone else, infidelity etc etc. My mental health issues seem to be at their peak right now, and I don't want to push another girl away.
I have fought off my inner demons so far pretty damn well, bottled up a lot. Yesterday I struggled and told her some concerns of mine. She reassured me. Today, I am a nervous, but curious wreck.
Does anyone have any advice?
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