We all have seen it and a lot of have felt ourselves that being a "nice" guy ought to be something special to women especially in the backdrop of a lot of men and that treat them poorly. The Manosphere and PUA sights are packed full of guys trying to reform this mentality by following various "thought" leaders on how they themselves can go "alpha". The end product tends to a misogynistic peon to the "good old days" of a stronger patriarchy.
I think what reforming nice guys are missing is that it used to be enough just to be "nice guy" and a provider because we lived in a world where there was no social safety net and women needed men to just survive because they themselves could accumulate very little economic power. Women where structurally coerced by society into the arms of men and having a 'nice guy' provider was something special in this context. The white knight needs the dragon to be anything more than a guy in a tin suit. Egalitarian marriages where common but they where a gift of power and not right.
Today the field has shifted and women in general wield a lot more economic and sexual power than they used to. They general can decide when they have sex and when to have children the social safety net is there to catch us all. As such they rightly look and expect more out of the hard work required for a relationship than just a guy that pays rent and does not beat her.
So if you are a nice guy and you are despairing over the tragic fact the world does not love you for your niceness, consider that you are basically wishing that women will be coerced into your arms by an awful world. Being 'nice', having a job, paying bills, thats just where it starts. You have to be something desirable beyond that to make it worthwhile for a modern women to love and stay with you.
I am not a 'feminist' by any stretch of the imagination and I realize that I am painting things pretty black and white which is always a hazard. There are all kinds of men and women that don't fit this, but I think applies to a lot of "nice guys" out there who think all to highly of the morality of their niceness.
I think what reforming nice guys are missing is that it used to be enough just to be "nice guy" and a provider because we lived in a world where there was no social safety net and women needed men to just survive because they themselves could accumulate very little economic power. Women where structurally coerced by society into the arms of men and having a 'nice guy' provider was something special in this context. The white knight needs the dragon to be anything more than a guy in a tin suit. Egalitarian marriages where common but they where a gift of power and not right.
Today the field has shifted and women in general wield a lot more economic and sexual power than they used to. They general can decide when they have sex and when to have children the social safety net is there to catch us all. As such they rightly look and expect more out of the hard work required for a relationship than just a guy that pays rent and does not beat her.
So if you are a nice guy and you are despairing over the tragic fact the world does not love you for your niceness, consider that you are basically wishing that women will be coerced into your arms by an awful world. Being 'nice', having a job, paying bills, thats just where it starts. You have to be something desirable beyond that to make it worthwhile for a modern women to love and stay with you.
I am not a 'feminist' by any stretch of the imagination and I realize that I am painting things pretty black and white which is always a hazard. There are all kinds of men and women that don't fit this, but I think applies to a lot of "nice guys" out there who think all to highly of the morality of their niceness.
Put the internet to work for you.
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