Hello, new to the forum. I really need someone to help me talk through this rough day because I seem to feel differently everyday. Before I get started, I want to say that I know I am ultimately the only one who can make a decision but I just wanted some opinions.
My husband and I met at an odd time. It started with my co-worker telling me about this great guy who was 'perfect' for me, a step brother of her husband's. We met a few months later at a party (July 2012) and hit it off amazingly. We spent nearly every moment together for a month, except before we met I had already planned on moving away half way across the country. I was out of my lease and now we were at this point of make it or break it.
We moved in together after a month of knowing each other, thinking we were perfect.
We have had nothing but hard times since we moved in together.
- His family nearly ripped us apart, his brother threatening my life and his mother calling the cops on me to "remove me" from my father in law's house.
- Surprise pregnancy after stopping trying to get pregnant (Feb. 2013), just after our problems began.
- Husband has a temper when pregnant, causes a lot of fights for us when he is intoxicated.
- My struggle with realizing I was in an abusive relationship (afraid to leave, a bad night where he wielded a knife while drunk screaming "I'll show you crazy!" and cut his forearm open and threatened to smash my property).
- Husband doesn't have diploma or GED and was ALWAYS smoking pot. Took several times of me packing up and leaving for him to call sobbing promising he would do better, stop the smoking and finally go get his GED.
Life is always about him him him.
The night I was in labor (Oct 2013), he was mad. He had a "bad day" at work, was hungry/tired. I labored all night alone while he went home and slept... he came back to the hospital 10 minutes before I delivered.
We got married 1 year after we met (July 2013), (I'm sorry this story is really out of order, I'm talking as I'm going along), when we were on the up and up. I wanted the perfect life, a husband, a baby, etc. He was studying for the GED, had stopped smoking, and had a really great job. In August 2013, our nephew was murdered. It... hit all of us hard. He was a month shy of 2 years old. My husband gave up. He started smoking again, started doing bad at his job, they demoted him, etc. As month old newly weds, our relationship suffered. I was 6 months pregnant and he was always at his dad's house smoking, doing nothing. I put on a brave face and toughed us through it. I understood and I knew that things would improve when it wasn't so bad.
My son was born in Oct, my husband quit smoking, he got back to studying. But then he quit his job. Thankfully we live in income based housing, but I was nervous. We were already living off the government. It makes me physically ill to do so, but I'm doing what I have to until I get a job. (Still looking, fingers crossed I should have one by the end of the week!!)
He was home, ALL THE TIME. Played video games, non stop. October turned to Nov. November to December "I'll get a job in the new year." He didn't get a job til early January we had a huge fight and told him to get out or go get a job. So he did. Part time, 16 hrs a week at a fast food restaurant. That's all he works, by choice. 2 days, 8 hr shifts. He goes to GED classes 3 days a week, from 8:30-11:30.
I lost my patience after 2 months of this. Our car suddenly stopped starting, needed it for Dr appointments and getting to the grocery store. Asked to take it to the repair shop. "It's too much, just don't drive it anywhere." It's... a car. That is the POINT of a car. I told my father about this, and he ... he went livid. He cussed out my husband, and they nearly got into a fist fight. They still won't talk. My father paid for it to get repaired and I was fed up.
I kicked my husband out in March this year. In Illinois, you have to wait 6 months to file for divorce after separating.
During that time, we have been on and off. Lots of fights that just seem to be circles. I have our son Sun, Mon, Tues, Weds - he has him Thurs, Fri, and drops him off Sat morning. Those are his days off from work/school, and he complains about never having an "actual day off". I told him that I will take son on a Thurs so he can sleep in on Fri morning and pick him up. It turns into a fight about custody and all this that and the other.
I told him I was going to get a job, and until I could get a child care system set up, if he would watch our son in the evenings after work/school. He got mad about "oh so I never have any time to myself?" I was speechless.
We never have sex. We had it a handful of times during the pregnancy, and didn't have it after our wedding for 2 weeks, and since our son was born, (8 months yesterday) we've had it 2 times, one of which he couldn't maintain and we stopped. The only intimacy we have is me giving him oral and it's never returned. He says he's not in the mood anymore, which is some issues on his end that he doesn't want to deal with.
I'm... fed up. This back and forth of one day thinking we'll get back together and the next day we're at each others throats saying we hate each other. I think we do genuinely hate each other. We just don't want our son growing up in a broken home.
He told me our son won't have an step parents or half siblings. It was a half-threat that I'm not allowed to date again after us. He used to flat out say "God help whoever you decide to date" but now changes it to "I'm not stupid enough to go to jail over you".
He also says now that he doesn't care about us. That we are metaphorically on the back burner in his mind. He only cares about his schooling and getting a job to make "6 figures a year"... I feel cheated... I did everything to get him here. I made him quit smoking, get motivated. Bought him the book to take the Constitution test to even start GED classes. Call the GED schooling center and set him up the first appointment. EVERYTHING.
And now I'm nothing but convenient when he wants to get off or feels like having a wife that day. We're still separated, with him at his fathers, and he says we're definitely not moving back in together any time soon, but we're now half way through til I can file for divorce. He was nice to me today and yesterday, but I have his words ringing in my head the other day from our argument.
:( I don't know.
My husband and I met at an odd time. It started with my co-worker telling me about this great guy who was 'perfect' for me, a step brother of her husband's. We met a few months later at a party (July 2012) and hit it off amazingly. We spent nearly every moment together for a month, except before we met I had already planned on moving away half way across the country. I was out of my lease and now we were at this point of make it or break it.
We moved in together after a month of knowing each other, thinking we were perfect.
We have had nothing but hard times since we moved in together.
- His family nearly ripped us apart, his brother threatening my life and his mother calling the cops on me to "remove me" from my father in law's house.
- Surprise pregnancy after stopping trying to get pregnant (Feb. 2013), just after our problems began.
- Husband has a temper when pregnant, causes a lot of fights for us when he is intoxicated.
- My struggle with realizing I was in an abusive relationship (afraid to leave, a bad night where he wielded a knife while drunk screaming "I'll show you crazy!" and cut his forearm open and threatened to smash my property).
- Husband doesn't have diploma or GED and was ALWAYS smoking pot. Took several times of me packing up and leaving for him to call sobbing promising he would do better, stop the smoking and finally go get his GED.
Life is always about him him him.
The night I was in labor (Oct 2013), he was mad. He had a "bad day" at work, was hungry/tired. I labored all night alone while he went home and slept... he came back to the hospital 10 minutes before I delivered.
We got married 1 year after we met (July 2013), (I'm sorry this story is really out of order, I'm talking as I'm going along), when we were on the up and up. I wanted the perfect life, a husband, a baby, etc. He was studying for the GED, had stopped smoking, and had a really great job. In August 2013, our nephew was murdered. It... hit all of us hard. He was a month shy of 2 years old. My husband gave up. He started smoking again, started doing bad at his job, they demoted him, etc. As month old newly weds, our relationship suffered. I was 6 months pregnant and he was always at his dad's house smoking, doing nothing. I put on a brave face and toughed us through it. I understood and I knew that things would improve when it wasn't so bad.
My son was born in Oct, my husband quit smoking, he got back to studying. But then he quit his job. Thankfully we live in income based housing, but I was nervous. We were already living off the government. It makes me physically ill to do so, but I'm doing what I have to until I get a job. (Still looking, fingers crossed I should have one by the end of the week!!)
He was home, ALL THE TIME. Played video games, non stop. October turned to Nov. November to December "I'll get a job in the new year." He didn't get a job til early January we had a huge fight and told him to get out or go get a job. So he did. Part time, 16 hrs a week at a fast food restaurant. That's all he works, by choice. 2 days, 8 hr shifts. He goes to GED classes 3 days a week, from 8:30-11:30.
I lost my patience after 2 months of this. Our car suddenly stopped starting, needed it for Dr appointments and getting to the grocery store. Asked to take it to the repair shop. "It's too much, just don't drive it anywhere." It's... a car. That is the POINT of a car. I told my father about this, and he ... he went livid. He cussed out my husband, and they nearly got into a fist fight. They still won't talk. My father paid for it to get repaired and I was fed up.
I kicked my husband out in March this year. In Illinois, you have to wait 6 months to file for divorce after separating.
During that time, we have been on and off. Lots of fights that just seem to be circles. I have our son Sun, Mon, Tues, Weds - he has him Thurs, Fri, and drops him off Sat morning. Those are his days off from work/school, and he complains about never having an "actual day off". I told him that I will take son on a Thurs so he can sleep in on Fri morning and pick him up. It turns into a fight about custody and all this that and the other.
I told him I was going to get a job, and until I could get a child care system set up, if he would watch our son in the evenings after work/school. He got mad about "oh so I never have any time to myself?" I was speechless.
We never have sex. We had it a handful of times during the pregnancy, and didn't have it after our wedding for 2 weeks, and since our son was born, (8 months yesterday) we've had it 2 times, one of which he couldn't maintain and we stopped. The only intimacy we have is me giving him oral and it's never returned. He says he's not in the mood anymore, which is some issues on his end that he doesn't want to deal with.
I'm... fed up. This back and forth of one day thinking we'll get back together and the next day we're at each others throats saying we hate each other. I think we do genuinely hate each other. We just don't want our son growing up in a broken home.
He told me our son won't have an step parents or half siblings. It was a half-threat that I'm not allowed to date again after us. He used to flat out say "God help whoever you decide to date" but now changes it to "I'm not stupid enough to go to jail over you".
He also says now that he doesn't care about us. That we are metaphorically on the back burner in his mind. He only cares about his schooling and getting a job to make "6 figures a year"... I feel cheated... I did everything to get him here. I made him quit smoking, get motivated. Bought him the book to take the Constitution test to even start GED classes. Call the GED schooling center and set him up the first appointment. EVERYTHING.
And now I'm nothing but convenient when he wants to get off or feels like having a wife that day. We're still separated, with him at his fathers, and he says we're definitely not moving back in together any time soon, but we're now half way through til I can file for divorce. He was nice to me today and yesterday, but I have his words ringing in my head the other day from our argument.
:( I don't know.
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