Hello everyone. I am a new member but looking forward to finding support and guidance in the community. My husband and I are both 28 years old and have been together for five years. We have been married only since July but have been very good friends since we were kids.
We have a very long and very complex past but for the sake of not making you read a novel I will start with where we are currently.
In early January I suspected he was having an affair. Then I caught him chatting with a woman in a park. They both denied knowing each other but it was clear to me that they knew each other. That was January 27th which was ironically our 6 month mark of marriage. My suspicions and his behaviors escalated until March 4th when I caught him using an app on his phone to text her.
His confessions were staggered. He denied the depth of their involvement until I made him take me to her house to break it off with her in front of me and also so that I could confront them both at once. Somewhere between her side and his side I found the truth.
They had been having an affair from January to the first week of March when I caught him. It was hot and heavy and sexual. They met on a dating website. He had tried to break it off several times but always ended up going back to her.
We are in counseling and working at trying to recover from this affair. As the weeks go on from all of this it is as if I am getting my husband back. It feels like he is coming out of a fog.
My problem is that I find myself obsessing about the affair partner. I have her social media profiles and her dating website profile. So I go through cycles of checking both, looking through her photos, and comparing/critiquing my flaws and hers. It becomes this obsessive negative downward spiral of trying to rationalize why my husband chose her.
I know it is unhealthy. I know it is NOT helpful. I know that I need to stop. I just am not sure how. I find some reassurance in checking her page to know what she's doing. I guess because I'd know she'd post if she saw my husband again.
Has anyone else ever experienced this before? What helped to stop it?
We have a very long and very complex past but for the sake of not making you read a novel I will start with where we are currently.
In early January I suspected he was having an affair. Then I caught him chatting with a woman in a park. They both denied knowing each other but it was clear to me that they knew each other. That was January 27th which was ironically our 6 month mark of marriage. My suspicions and his behaviors escalated until March 4th when I caught him using an app on his phone to text her.
His confessions were staggered. He denied the depth of their involvement until I made him take me to her house to break it off with her in front of me and also so that I could confront them both at once. Somewhere between her side and his side I found the truth.
They had been having an affair from January to the first week of March when I caught him. It was hot and heavy and sexual. They met on a dating website. He had tried to break it off several times but always ended up going back to her.
We are in counseling and working at trying to recover from this affair. As the weeks go on from all of this it is as if I am getting my husband back. It feels like he is coming out of a fog.
My problem is that I find myself obsessing about the affair partner. I have her social media profiles and her dating website profile. So I go through cycles of checking both, looking through her photos, and comparing/critiquing my flaws and hers. It becomes this obsessive negative downward spiral of trying to rationalize why my husband chose her.
I know it is unhealthy. I know it is NOT helpful. I know that I need to stop. I just am not sure how. I find some reassurance in checking her page to know what she's doing. I guess because I'd know she'd post if she saw my husband again.
Has anyone else ever experienced this before? What helped to stop it?
Put the internet to work for you.
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