Being married now for 5 1/2 yrs, things are still the same with the in-laws. I never met my in-laws before getting married because they did not want to meet me. DH was married before and I guess in-laws thought I would be just like his ex. His fallout with family was due him marrying me and it might sound harsh, but, it was wayyyyy better that way for the first 2 years.
Feeling guilty, I made the move 2 1/2 years ago to reach out to his mom, dad, brother and sister (who all, by the way, live together due to ailing health of his parents) and he regained his relationship with them. I, on the other hand, do not like them at all but I am cordial. Since his regained relationship with them, he expects much more from me now (see them more often, call them on the phone, talk to his mom, etc). Just for the record, his parents as well as his place of work are close to each other, but, we live about an hour and 15 minutes from them. So yes, that means DH's drive to and from work is a little over an hour each way (almost 2 hrs on the way home).
DH has been staying at his parents house with his brother and sister Thurs-Sat for the last 4 months. About 4 months ago, his father was put into a rehab due to him being in an accident where he was a pedestrian and was struck by a car. His mother was admitted into the hospital for a high risk surgery to remove her gallbladder (which was the size of a grapefruit) . She has other health issues including a bad heart, diabetes and low kidney function. She had the surgery on Monday and they tried to take her off of the ventilator but she was not responding positively. They are going to try to take her off of the ventilator again tomorrow. Both of them are in their mid 70's.
DH is now arguing with me that I am heartless and not compassionate at all because I do not want to go down and see them when "HE" wants me to. He said that his sister should not of had to ask me if I wanted to come down and see MIL & FIL, that I should have just said that I am coming down. I tried to tell him that there are days when the hospital staff does not want his mom to have any company so she relaxes and gets rest so we get a good outcome and hopefully she can breathe on her own. He does not want to hear any of that. Also, I cannot go down there with my very old unreliable car. DH would have to be here to take me. I mentioned that we can go next Saturday but he would not be able to work any OT. He argued with me and he was not having it that he would miss any work cause I cannot get down there to see them. He also knows that this Sunday I have a safety course I signed up for over a month ago. He told me that the safety course is more important to me than his mother.
It is a no-win situation and do not know what to do. I mentioned to him that it's ok that no family came to see you when you were medi-vaced and flown by helicopter to a trauma center when you were in that bad car accident but I am the heartless one? His answer was "you always put down my family". I was ready to SCREAM!!
Sorry so long but if ya need more info. as we go along, I will give it. I am just at my wits-end and refuse to continue to live my life according what happens to his family. A family that I do not even get along with. Advice Please!!!!
Feeling guilty, I made the move 2 1/2 years ago to reach out to his mom, dad, brother and sister (who all, by the way, live together due to ailing health of his parents) and he regained his relationship with them. I, on the other hand, do not like them at all but I am cordial. Since his regained relationship with them, he expects much more from me now (see them more often, call them on the phone, talk to his mom, etc). Just for the record, his parents as well as his place of work are close to each other, but, we live about an hour and 15 minutes from them. So yes, that means DH's drive to and from work is a little over an hour each way (almost 2 hrs on the way home).
DH has been staying at his parents house with his brother and sister Thurs-Sat for the last 4 months. About 4 months ago, his father was put into a rehab due to him being in an accident where he was a pedestrian and was struck by a car. His mother was admitted into the hospital for a high risk surgery to remove her gallbladder (which was the size of a grapefruit) . She has other health issues including a bad heart, diabetes and low kidney function. She had the surgery on Monday and they tried to take her off of the ventilator but she was not responding positively. They are going to try to take her off of the ventilator again tomorrow. Both of them are in their mid 70's.
DH is now arguing with me that I am heartless and not compassionate at all because I do not want to go down and see them when "HE" wants me to. He said that his sister should not of had to ask me if I wanted to come down and see MIL & FIL, that I should have just said that I am coming down. I tried to tell him that there are days when the hospital staff does not want his mom to have any company so she relaxes and gets rest so we get a good outcome and hopefully she can breathe on her own. He does not want to hear any of that. Also, I cannot go down there with my very old unreliable car. DH would have to be here to take me. I mentioned that we can go next Saturday but he would not be able to work any OT. He argued with me and he was not having it that he would miss any work cause I cannot get down there to see them. He also knows that this Sunday I have a safety course I signed up for over a month ago. He told me that the safety course is more important to me than his mother.
It is a no-win situation and do not know what to do. I mentioned to him that it's ok that no family came to see you when you were medi-vaced and flown by helicopter to a trauma center when you were in that bad car accident but I am the heartless one? His answer was "you always put down my family". I was ready to SCREAM!!
Sorry so long but if ya need more info. as we go along, I will give it. I am just at my wits-end and refuse to continue to live my life according what happens to his family. A family that I do not even get along with. Advice Please!!!!
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment