Been a while since I've posted. Still with hubby whom I believe is Narcissistic / potential BPD.
My H is the kind of man who equates money with love. He's always been generous on my birthday and I've never asked for it. His birthday is coming up. Last year I bought him a very expensive wallet (which he didn't want) - it was a surprise and on the day of his birthday he said *I didn't ask for this and I don't like surprises*. As you can imagine, I was incredibly hurt.
Can you actually believe that he told me he thought I was trying to *P*** him off* by not spending a lot more money! I bought other things for him and he basically poo pooed them all on the basis that he *hadn't asked for them*. I stupidly a few weeks later ended up giving him a couple of hundred pounds and gave the wallet to my father.
I told him this morning that I won't be giving him a big chunk of money for this camera he wants for his birthday (which again, is several hundred pounds) as he doesn't deserve it, and that we need to work on our marriage. He reacts by acting like a child, saying that I'm trying to *downgrade* his birthday *like I did last year* -
I'm totally lost for words. It's incredibly hurtful. It's cold and wrong. He works in the city and over the last year or so has become all about money, cars and material things. He's been there for a long time and is about to go through a major change work wise which was his own choice and I can understand induces stress of its own. Lately everything seems to revolve around money. We don't have kids, I'm independent, pay my way etc. He's also about to get a big pay out that would mean he doesn't need to work for a couple of years, and we're not in debt. But if I spend less than a certain amount - ie to him £1,000 (UK) = his reassurance that I love him.
It's insane. I don't earn the money he does. I'm really using this forum to vent more than anything but if anyone else has experienced something similar, do share. Last year I was in tears but now left gaping...
Thanks for listening and hope you are all well.
My H is the kind of man who equates money with love. He's always been generous on my birthday and I've never asked for it. His birthday is coming up. Last year I bought him a very expensive wallet (which he didn't want) - it was a surprise and on the day of his birthday he said *I didn't ask for this and I don't like surprises*. As you can imagine, I was incredibly hurt.
Can you actually believe that he told me he thought I was trying to *P*** him off* by not spending a lot more money! I bought other things for him and he basically poo pooed them all on the basis that he *hadn't asked for them*. I stupidly a few weeks later ended up giving him a couple of hundred pounds and gave the wallet to my father.
I told him this morning that I won't be giving him a big chunk of money for this camera he wants for his birthday (which again, is several hundred pounds) as he doesn't deserve it, and that we need to work on our marriage. He reacts by acting like a child, saying that I'm trying to *downgrade* his birthday *like I did last year* -
I'm totally lost for words. It's incredibly hurtful. It's cold and wrong. He works in the city and over the last year or so has become all about money, cars and material things. He's been there for a long time and is about to go through a major change work wise which was his own choice and I can understand induces stress of its own. Lately everything seems to revolve around money. We don't have kids, I'm independent, pay my way etc. He's also about to get a big pay out that would mean he doesn't need to work for a couple of years, and we're not in debt. But if I spend less than a certain amount - ie to him £1,000 (UK) = his reassurance that I love him.
It's insane. I don't earn the money he does. I'm really using this forum to vent more than anything but if anyone else has experienced something similar, do share. Last year I was in tears but now left gaping...
Thanks for listening and hope you are all well.
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