Apologies if this ends up in a rant.....
My wife and I have been married for twelve years and I consider myself a good husband. I work hard to provide for my family, I keep myself in shape, I do my share of housework (in fact, I'm the tidy one), I support my wife's choices in her career and personal life even though it often puts an additional burden on me. I've never cheated, never fallen out with her friends or family. In short, outside of the trivial day-to-day reasons my wife has to complain about me, I've never been anything other than an ideal husband.
I've come to realize that I've spent the past ten years trying everything to keep some semblance of affection in our marriage but without success. I use the word "affection" intentionally so that you don't think it's all about sex (which IS a big part of it, but that's not all that's missing). I've tried being attentive and loving, romantic, assertive, I've tried playing it cool, I've tried being exciting and adventurous, I've tried ignoring her, I've tried pestering her, I've tried talking to her, I've tried getting into the best physical shape of my life, I've tried EVERYTHING, and every approach meets with rejection. Even when it's not full-out rejection, it's the tacit rejection of knowing that she's only giving me the time of day out of an apparent sense of obligation, and that within a day or two she'll have considered her obligation met and we'll be back to square one. I'm quite sure that if I told my wife that there was no need for us to ever have sex again and th at it wouldn't be a problem for me, she'd be quite content with that. I however can't live with that, and I'm starting to resent her for putting me in a position where my only apparent choices are infidelity, divorce, or the prospect of never experiencing the joy, fun and excitement of a healthy sexual relationship ever again.
What do I do? "Talk to her, let her know how you feel" is what most people will say. But it will come as no surprise to her to hear how I feel. She knows how I feel but she chooses to ignore it. Seemingly, she would rather avoid the discomfort of recognizing that our marriage is in an unhealthy state than put in the effort to address my feelings of rejection, resentment and inadequacy and try to keep our marriage alive.
I feel like I've swam an ocean to drag our drowning marriage ashore, and now that it needs the kiss of life she continues to watch from the sidelines while I struggle to catch my own breath. I resent her for it, and that makes me very, very sad.
I love my wife. I don't want to resent her. What can I do?
My wife and I have been married for twelve years and I consider myself a good husband. I work hard to provide for my family, I keep myself in shape, I do my share of housework (in fact, I'm the tidy one), I support my wife's choices in her career and personal life even though it often puts an additional burden on me. I've never cheated, never fallen out with her friends or family. In short, outside of the trivial day-to-day reasons my wife has to complain about me, I've never been anything other than an ideal husband.
I've come to realize that I've spent the past ten years trying everything to keep some semblance of affection in our marriage but without success. I use the word "affection" intentionally so that you don't think it's all about sex (which IS a big part of it, but that's not all that's missing). I've tried being attentive and loving, romantic, assertive, I've tried playing it cool, I've tried being exciting and adventurous, I've tried ignoring her, I've tried pestering her, I've tried talking to her, I've tried getting into the best physical shape of my life, I've tried EVERYTHING, and every approach meets with rejection. Even when it's not full-out rejection, it's the tacit rejection of knowing that she's only giving me the time of day out of an apparent sense of obligation, and that within a day or two she'll have considered her obligation met and we'll be back to square one. I'm quite sure that if I told my wife that there was no need for us to ever have sex again and th at it wouldn't be a problem for me, she'd be quite content with that. I however can't live with that, and I'm starting to resent her for putting me in a position where my only apparent choices are infidelity, divorce, or the prospect of never experiencing the joy, fun and excitement of a healthy sexual relationship ever again.
What do I do? "Talk to her, let her know how you feel" is what most people will say. But it will come as no surprise to her to hear how I feel. She knows how I feel but she chooses to ignore it. Seemingly, she would rather avoid the discomfort of recognizing that our marriage is in an unhealthy state than put in the effort to address my feelings of rejection, resentment and inadequacy and try to keep our marriage alive.
I feel like I've swam an ocean to drag our drowning marriage ashore, and now that it needs the kiss of life she continues to watch from the sidelines while I struggle to catch my own breath. I resent her for it, and that makes me very, very sad.
I love my wife. I don't want to resent her. What can I do?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment