I am a 30 year old physician, and I have been with my fiance for a year and half. We got engaged in November, and overall, I would say our relationship is excellent. He is loving, attentive, and as far as I can tell, very loyal. He has a good set of values in place, and really seems to want the whole marriage, two kids, backyard, etc etc thing. There is one sticking point though, that I would really like some advice on. He has a friend who he met way back in college. He says they have only been friends, never dated. However, he has admitted to me that he finds her attractive, and I saw some old text conversations (from a few years back) between them that were very flirtatious. At one point she made a joke about "making out with him" and he responded by saying "I would be totally ok with that!" However, he denies to me that there was ever sexual chemistry between them. She is a very promiscuous party girl. Perpetually single, works in the music industry, o ut at multiple bars and parties virtually every single night. She dresses in very skimpy clothing and wears a ton of makeup, even to a casual BBQ! She prides herself on getting men to hit on her and buy her drinks, and she has frequently ended up drunk in random guys' apartments late at night with no way home. She had an affair with a married man, and when it went south, she went on a public rant on social media stating that his wife was a "hideous beast" and that he was "way to attractive for her." She is very full of herself, to put is simply.
Although my fiance claims that her lifestyle doesn't really appeal to him, he feels an attachment to her. He has been friends with her for 12 years, and he feels like she is one of his "closest" pals. Early in our relationship, I got upset because he planned a night out with her without even telling me, or including me. This was before I had even met the woman. He defended his behavior stating that he used to see her several times a week, and since we started seeing one another, he felt like he was losing touch with someone important to him. He says that since he never dated her, why should it bother me?
Later on, after I met this woman and saw their interactions, I actually compromised and said I was ok with them grabbing drinks as long as I knew about it ahead of time. In our last argument a couple months ago, he blew up at me and accused me of being jealous and poisoning his relationship with this woman. He said that I made it "uncomfortable" for him to see his "friend," and that from now on he was going to hang out with her alone whenever he "feels like it." The truth is, she doesn't really make much time for him, and he hasn't seen her that much. I think he was partly acting out, trying to make a control play. She seems to view him like her little puppy-dog, following her around all doe-eyed, worshiping her miniskirt clad extroverted self (maybe because he is a bit of an introvert who doesn't fit in well with the LA trendy scene). But she seems to go for a more party-guy type. Regardless, she really goes for the conquest more than anything. She doesn't want to marry or h ave kids (which I think might have been one of the reasons my fiance didn't pursue her harder early on), but she has no trouble collecting notches in her bedpost. For instance, she loves to post old photos on facebook of her with random men (with her leg up around them, tongue out, drunk, etc etc), and then tag these guys so it shows up on their feeds. Almost like she is sending a message to the women they are with now. She did it recently with my fiance. She dug up some old college photo of him with his arms around her waste, and her completely trashed. I don't know if it was a platonic photo or not, but it looks very suspicious. Which is exactly why she posted it. This, combined with all the prior flirting via text, makes me very uncomfortable. They don't seem to be flirting now, but is it ok for a guy to be friends with a woman he feels strong physical attraction to?
Some people tell me to just ignore it, and that she will disappear as we build a life together. She has already faded out of the picture some, and I don't want to poison my relationship with jealousy. The truth is, she is trashy with a dead end job. I am far more accomplished and my fiance's family seems to adore me. So why throw it out for something petty? But it does bother me, and I am afraid that down the line, this woman could try to pull something. Any thoughts?
Although my fiance claims that her lifestyle doesn't really appeal to him, he feels an attachment to her. He has been friends with her for 12 years, and he feels like she is one of his "closest" pals. Early in our relationship, I got upset because he planned a night out with her without even telling me, or including me. This was before I had even met the woman. He defended his behavior stating that he used to see her several times a week, and since we started seeing one another, he felt like he was losing touch with someone important to him. He says that since he never dated her, why should it bother me?
Later on, after I met this woman and saw their interactions, I actually compromised and said I was ok with them grabbing drinks as long as I knew about it ahead of time. In our last argument a couple months ago, he blew up at me and accused me of being jealous and poisoning his relationship with this woman. He said that I made it "uncomfortable" for him to see his "friend," and that from now on he was going to hang out with her alone whenever he "feels like it." The truth is, she doesn't really make much time for him, and he hasn't seen her that much. I think he was partly acting out, trying to make a control play. She seems to view him like her little puppy-dog, following her around all doe-eyed, worshiping her miniskirt clad extroverted self (maybe because he is a bit of an introvert who doesn't fit in well with the LA trendy scene). But she seems to go for a more party-guy type. Regardless, she really goes for the conquest more than anything. She doesn't want to marry or h ave kids (which I think might have been one of the reasons my fiance didn't pursue her harder early on), but she has no trouble collecting notches in her bedpost. For instance, she loves to post old photos on facebook of her with random men (with her leg up around them, tongue out, drunk, etc etc), and then tag these guys so it shows up on their feeds. Almost like she is sending a message to the women they are with now. She did it recently with my fiance. She dug up some old college photo of him with his arms around her waste, and her completely trashed. I don't know if it was a platonic photo or not, but it looks very suspicious. Which is exactly why she posted it. This, combined with all the prior flirting via text, makes me very uncomfortable. They don't seem to be flirting now, but is it ok for a guy to be friends with a woman he feels strong physical attraction to?
Some people tell me to just ignore it, and that she will disappear as we build a life together. She has already faded out of the picture some, and I don't want to poison my relationship with jealousy. The truth is, she is trashy with a dead end job. I am far more accomplished and my fiance's family seems to adore me. So why throw it out for something petty? But it does bother me, and I am afraid that down the line, this woman could try to pull something. Any thoughts?
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