My husband and I have been married for 20 years now. For the first 10 or so years ,him not showing me any affection really bothered me. I talked to him about it several times telling him how important it was to ne and it was somthing I really needed. His response was " Im just not like that". I told him it didnt feel like he loved me. He said having sex IS the way he shows me he loves me. I almost laughed at him. That had to be the most insane thing I had heard. It actually made me angry. After so many times of craving him to touch me ( outside of the bedroom) and being disappointed I had to train myself not to want or expect it because the disappointment just hurt too bad. I finally gave up, accepted that that was just somthing I wasnt going to get. We are on our last go at trying to make this marriage work out and I have been doing a lot of reading on the differences between men and women. Almost all of these lists say the number one thing for women is affection and sex is number one for men. After a lot of reading I understand the way men think a little better. I can now accept, not understand, but accept that that is howw men show love. He has never had to go without sex so is it fair that I cant have my number one need, affection. I said I got used to not getting it but I have never stopped wanting it. Should I insist that be something he do from now on? Is it somthing that since it doesnt come naturally to him I shouldn't expect? It doesnt seem fair to me. also, im not talking about flowers or cards, poems, love notes, kingdoms, just to put his arm around me sometimes or a kiss goodbye or goodnight maybe a hug once in awhile. Is that too much? I would think it would be comparable to me telling him "no more sex, Im not like that". I dont think that would fly too well for him.
Put the internet to work for you.
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