Hello,
I'm gonna try and be as clear as possible as I am looking for a way to stop all this from happening.
I have been married for almost 3 years, living with her for almost 4. 2 weeks ago we had our final argument, she called the cops and left. She doesnt want to talk to me at all.
My wife and I have been through some serious ups and downs in almost 4 years, nothing has been easy but we have been able to work together and work through the whole situation. Like every couple out there we have arguments and fights. One thing is I have a serious temper control problem. When i'm about to blow up I yell and have even gotten to the point of breaking stuff and throwing stuff. One time a few years back we had a physical argument but she wanted to move past that quick so we went to our church and spoke to our pastor and he helped us. We had other issues with time but not ever like that one. My wife at times has an attitude problem but thats no excuse for my anger and temper control loss. For some time now she had been telling me to get help that she loves me and thinks I need help controlling my anger, but since after she says that things always calmed down I just thought she was saying it so id calm down and I just leave it at that.
About a month ago she sat down with me and told me out of the blue that next time I had an angry outburst or broke anything she will call the cops and leave me. Well On a monday I was having the most miserable day ever and to make it worst I picked a fight with her. I even mentioned divorce, when i got home she said that she will give me the divorce and she started to look for things in her drawer. I was so mad she actually said she wanted the divorce that I just threw everything from the dresser on the floor and she went and got her cell and called the police, at that time I was even more angry and just broke a mirror. I asked her just to leave, to go somewhere else to please dont call the cops. I know I could have taken her phone away and tried to reason with her but I was so mad I just stood there while she talked to them. I then got scared and mad but called my mom and calmed down. Cops came, she left no harm done. Next day I see her walking to the bus stop by our apartme nt and ask her to talk and she got in our car and we talked on the way to her job. But got no where.
Next day she shows up with more cops to finish taking her things. I was then destroyed cause she didnt even look at me. The cops told me she didnt want me calling her, texting her, emailing or any type of communication. No restraining order was filed because I didnt threaten her or touched her.
Her mom said she would not come back so I turned in our apartment and sold everything for pennies just so I didnt have to endure a long sad move. The rest of our stuff that didnt sell I just gave away. Being in the apartment made me depressed, I spend a full 7 days with about 4 hours of sleep all together. I ate maybe 3 times.
Since our wedding day it hasnt been easy, we had our first marriage fight in front of some family on our wedding day (not a good start). But we always fought for stupid little things but when it was time to be a strong and focused couple and handle big things, we where always able to do it without any trouble. Just little things always sparked hell.
On February when I traveled to a family event, she stayed home and called me and said she was going to join some group and that it was important for her to do it. She waited till I was gone to tell me. After the first weekend in that group she said she had discovered stuff about herself. After 2 weekends in hat group she said they where like her family. Since then she has insisted non stop to join that group and i was about to just for her until insisting got a little too intense. To go to that stuff you have to pay hundreds of dollars but she always said that it is worth it because it helps her. Ive seen her very distant from the relationship after she joined even more when I told her to choose between them and our marriage.
Besides my temper, I have always been there for my wife. I always make sure she doesnt need anything, I woke up in the middle of the night just to see her sleep( she is beautiful). Since we have been together we have never been in any type of need or had any bad situation. I make sure she isnt late for work, that she is comfortable. Lately ive been stressed because my salary got cut, I left my job, I opened my own company and been taking the stress out on her. Ive been grumpy and not smiling at all.
Even when I'm mad Im happy on the inside because I love her and have her even when I dont show it. Since she left I have been seeking all the help I can, its been only 2 weeks but I am crushed.
I finally got to talk to her and she said she didnt love me anymore. That everything that is happening to me is consequence of my actions, its like she really wants me punished.
I told her that I will change and regardless if we fix things or not I need to change some things about myself. But I told her i wanted another chance. That we could try something slow and if she saw no change we can just walk away. I will join church groups, I have been going to church more, I will be getting professional help as well. But this is crushing me so bad, I cant take it. I know its mostly my fault but not on purpose. I love her to the end of times and back. I now realize I was stupid, but I think its too late....
Any advice?
Please help!!
I'm gonna try and be as clear as possible as I am looking for a way to stop all this from happening.
I have been married for almost 3 years, living with her for almost 4. 2 weeks ago we had our final argument, she called the cops and left. She doesnt want to talk to me at all.
My wife and I have been through some serious ups and downs in almost 4 years, nothing has been easy but we have been able to work together and work through the whole situation. Like every couple out there we have arguments and fights. One thing is I have a serious temper control problem. When i'm about to blow up I yell and have even gotten to the point of breaking stuff and throwing stuff. One time a few years back we had a physical argument but she wanted to move past that quick so we went to our church and spoke to our pastor and he helped us. We had other issues with time but not ever like that one. My wife at times has an attitude problem but thats no excuse for my anger and temper control loss. For some time now she had been telling me to get help that she loves me and thinks I need help controlling my anger, but since after she says that things always calmed down I just thought she was saying it so id calm down and I just leave it at that.
About a month ago she sat down with me and told me out of the blue that next time I had an angry outburst or broke anything she will call the cops and leave me. Well On a monday I was having the most miserable day ever and to make it worst I picked a fight with her. I even mentioned divorce, when i got home she said that she will give me the divorce and she started to look for things in her drawer. I was so mad she actually said she wanted the divorce that I just threw everything from the dresser on the floor and she went and got her cell and called the police, at that time I was even more angry and just broke a mirror. I asked her just to leave, to go somewhere else to please dont call the cops. I know I could have taken her phone away and tried to reason with her but I was so mad I just stood there while she talked to them. I then got scared and mad but called my mom and calmed down. Cops came, she left no harm done. Next day I see her walking to the bus stop by our apartme nt and ask her to talk and she got in our car and we talked on the way to her job. But got no where.
Next day she shows up with more cops to finish taking her things. I was then destroyed cause she didnt even look at me. The cops told me she didnt want me calling her, texting her, emailing or any type of communication. No restraining order was filed because I didnt threaten her or touched her.
Her mom said she would not come back so I turned in our apartment and sold everything for pennies just so I didnt have to endure a long sad move. The rest of our stuff that didnt sell I just gave away. Being in the apartment made me depressed, I spend a full 7 days with about 4 hours of sleep all together. I ate maybe 3 times.
Since our wedding day it hasnt been easy, we had our first marriage fight in front of some family on our wedding day (not a good start). But we always fought for stupid little things but when it was time to be a strong and focused couple and handle big things, we where always able to do it without any trouble. Just little things always sparked hell.
On February when I traveled to a family event, she stayed home and called me and said she was going to join some group and that it was important for her to do it. She waited till I was gone to tell me. After the first weekend in that group she said she had discovered stuff about herself. After 2 weekends in hat group she said they where like her family. Since then she has insisted non stop to join that group and i was about to just for her until insisting got a little too intense. To go to that stuff you have to pay hundreds of dollars but she always said that it is worth it because it helps her. Ive seen her very distant from the relationship after she joined even more when I told her to choose between them and our marriage.
Besides my temper, I have always been there for my wife. I always make sure she doesnt need anything, I woke up in the middle of the night just to see her sleep( she is beautiful). Since we have been together we have never been in any type of need or had any bad situation. I make sure she isnt late for work, that she is comfortable. Lately ive been stressed because my salary got cut, I left my job, I opened my own company and been taking the stress out on her. Ive been grumpy and not smiling at all.
Even when I'm mad Im happy on the inside because I love her and have her even when I dont show it. Since she left I have been seeking all the help I can, its been only 2 weeks but I am crushed.
I finally got to talk to her and she said she didnt love me anymore. That everything that is happening to me is consequence of my actions, its like she really wants me punished.
I told her that I will change and regardless if we fix things or not I need to change some things about myself. But I told her i wanted another chance. That we could try something slow and if she saw no change we can just walk away. I will join church groups, I have been going to church more, I will be getting professional help as well. But this is crushing me so bad, I cant take it. I know its mostly my fault but not on purpose. I love her to the end of times and back. I now realize I was stupid, but I think its too late....
Any advice?
Please help!!
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