Hello,
I could use some advice. I have been married for 5 years (no children). Let me introduce my problem - mother in law (MIL), sister in law (SIL).
These two have really managed to drive a wedge in my marriage.
-MIL: demanded that we live with her after marriage (but when we didn't, she moved in next door), yet she still goes on complaining to all her friends that we never lived with her.
-MIL: so worried that her son will love another woman more than her (she forbids her son from visiting my parents because she is extremely competitive with my mom), she forbade her son from visiting his own aunt (because she accused him of liking his own aunt more than her); when she sees us happy - she looks so upset - if we ever look like we are upset with one another in front of her (she looks elated and content); all our arguments have been over her or his sister; when we sent her photos of us on vacation - she sent my husband an email back saying wives are bad people and they betray their husbands - I think it ate at her so much to see us together and happy that she just could not contain herself but to send him a message to get him to love me less) - when this happened, I stood up for myself and told her that her message was hurtful and inappropriate - all hell broke loose...I got nasty calls and messages from her and my sister in law; they called my husband at work to tell him that I am a bad person for standing up for myself; my husband actually left me that day and went to stay at a hotel because his sister and mother told him to. he came back (after i apologized to them repeatedly and begged him to come back) - but it's killing me thinking that he left me like that just because i stood up for myself to those mean and crafty women. He actually drove the car away from me while i was standing there trying to explain and apologize. this is eating at me daily, since it just happened...the clouds of denial are lifting and i am questioning how much he truly loves me. I dealt with a lot of racism as a child and I have a very low self esteem - this leads me to put up with a lot;
SIL: egotistical; narcissistic; borderline personality disorder; Bipolar; these explain her perfectly; the whole family walks on eggshells because if they disagree with her or opt to do something another way - she blows up (screams nonstop); she called me the other day to tell me that my husband hates me and cannot stand me...this is killing me; she actually called me a bad wife; honestly, she is a bad wife, bad friend, bad sister, bad sister in law, and bad daughter; She fights with her mother all the time; she tells on her husband to her brother for the most minor things and tells her brother to "discipline" him; she tries to ruin her brother's marriage; she dumps her friends in a heartbeat if they need anything; she is nasty to me and spreads lies about me; i am nothing like her - I am not a self-proclaimed princess who demands to have my way; my husband told me once that she is crazy and demands to have her way
I love my parents and friends and family - I take care of them so much and love them to the point of selflessness. When she said this to me i thought - who is she to say this to me and I didn't even stand up for myself - I apologized just because I hate arguments (unlike them who are always fighting - the mil, sil and creating drama); I told my husband lets talk about it - but he said he is too busy with work; he has told me in the past that they are crazy (especially his mother and sister) and that he doesn't want to deal with their crap so he just obliges to whatever they say - because they nag him; but at the same time, he doesn't stand up for me to them either;
I don't know if my husband loves me - if he did wouldn't he have stood up for me, would he have had the heart to leave me that day just because of what they said? I know I wouldn't have had the heart to leave him - although, He has said his share of hurtful things to me (he has even insulted my family to their face once long ago, which i pardoned immediately), which I have overlooked.
On top of that - we cannot even have proper sexual relations - because he has erectile dysfunction - yet i even overlook these things because I care about him so much and the physical aspect is not as important to me;
When we used to cook for each other - his mother and sister told him to stop cooking for me (probably because their husbands don't) and when I was unwell, they told him to stop taking care of me so much;
I don't know what to do - i know his family is trying to get us to divorce - which is why they fill his head with all these lies and nonsense - so that they can have him to themselves again for carrying their groceries, mediating their arguments, etc.
I don't know what to do. Just feel incredibly lousy with these overbearing and dominating in laws.
I could use some advice. I have been married for 5 years (no children). Let me introduce my problem - mother in law (MIL), sister in law (SIL).
These two have really managed to drive a wedge in my marriage.
-MIL: demanded that we live with her after marriage (but when we didn't, she moved in next door), yet she still goes on complaining to all her friends that we never lived with her.
-MIL: so worried that her son will love another woman more than her (she forbids her son from visiting my parents because she is extremely competitive with my mom), she forbade her son from visiting his own aunt (because she accused him of liking his own aunt more than her); when she sees us happy - she looks so upset - if we ever look like we are upset with one another in front of her (she looks elated and content); all our arguments have been over her or his sister; when we sent her photos of us on vacation - she sent my husband an email back saying wives are bad people and they betray their husbands - I think it ate at her so much to see us together and happy that she just could not contain herself but to send him a message to get him to love me less) - when this happened, I stood up for myself and told her that her message was hurtful and inappropriate - all hell broke loose...I got nasty calls and messages from her and my sister in law; they called my husband at work to tell him that I am a bad person for standing up for myself; my husband actually left me that day and went to stay at a hotel because his sister and mother told him to. he came back (after i apologized to them repeatedly and begged him to come back) - but it's killing me thinking that he left me like that just because i stood up for myself to those mean and crafty women. He actually drove the car away from me while i was standing there trying to explain and apologize. this is eating at me daily, since it just happened...the clouds of denial are lifting and i am questioning how much he truly loves me. I dealt with a lot of racism as a child and I have a very low self esteem - this leads me to put up with a lot;
SIL: egotistical; narcissistic; borderline personality disorder; Bipolar; these explain her perfectly; the whole family walks on eggshells because if they disagree with her or opt to do something another way - she blows up (screams nonstop); she called me the other day to tell me that my husband hates me and cannot stand me...this is killing me; she actually called me a bad wife; honestly, she is a bad wife, bad friend, bad sister, bad sister in law, and bad daughter; She fights with her mother all the time; she tells on her husband to her brother for the most minor things and tells her brother to "discipline" him; she tries to ruin her brother's marriage; she dumps her friends in a heartbeat if they need anything; she is nasty to me and spreads lies about me; i am nothing like her - I am not a self-proclaimed princess who demands to have my way; my husband told me once that she is crazy and demands to have her way
I love my parents and friends and family - I take care of them so much and love them to the point of selflessness. When she said this to me i thought - who is she to say this to me and I didn't even stand up for myself - I apologized just because I hate arguments (unlike them who are always fighting - the mil, sil and creating drama); I told my husband lets talk about it - but he said he is too busy with work; he has told me in the past that they are crazy (especially his mother and sister) and that he doesn't want to deal with their crap so he just obliges to whatever they say - because they nag him; but at the same time, he doesn't stand up for me to them either;
I don't know if my husband loves me - if he did wouldn't he have stood up for me, would he have had the heart to leave me that day just because of what they said? I know I wouldn't have had the heart to leave him - although, He has said his share of hurtful things to me (he has even insulted my family to their face once long ago, which i pardoned immediately), which I have overlooked.
On top of that - we cannot even have proper sexual relations - because he has erectile dysfunction - yet i even overlook these things because I care about him so much and the physical aspect is not as important to me;
When we used to cook for each other - his mother and sister told him to stop cooking for me (probably because their husbands don't) and when I was unwell, they told him to stop taking care of me so much;
I don't know what to do - i know his family is trying to get us to divorce - which is why they fill his head with all these lies and nonsense - so that they can have him to themselves again for carrying their groceries, mediating their arguments, etc.
I don't know what to do. Just feel incredibly lousy with these overbearing and dominating in laws.
Put the internet to work for you.
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