Hey guys, this is my first post here - hoping to find some clarity through talking this stuff out with others who understand. I hate the person I'm becoming, the longer I am in this unhappy marriage. I am constantly yelling at him, angry, tense, frustrated, annoyed... it's exhausting.
A little background: We got married just over a year ago, kind of under duress - I was moving to Africa to work full time for the nonprofit I founded, and to adopt two kids, who have now been home with us for a year. We had to make the decision to get married or break up, and we decided to take the plunge. Now we live in rural Africa, extremely far from all our friends and relatives, which makes things much more difficult! My husband came from a really abusive background and basically hadn't started his life until we met - 26, still lived at home, "freelancing" but not making any money, never had a girlfriend. He's come incredibly far in the last few years, and is a great dad. And loves the hell out of me and the kids. But he is still so irresponsible, and passive, and ****ing useless that I'm just miserable. He makes the same promises almost literally every day - to keep a to-do list, to be more proactive, to not make me be his ****ing mother. And it happens for like a week, and then he gets bored and forgets. I just. cannot. do. it. anymore.
However, our kids' adoption isn't final yet, so if we don't stick it out at least another year, we could lose them, which would be the worst thing in the world. I have to find a way to stick it out just a little longer. If we did separate, I think he would still fly back out for the relevant court hearings and do everything he could to make sure the adoption went through... but I don't know for sure. And these kids are my life, I can't lose them.
I honestly feel like I've just reached the limit in terms of the number of times I can forgive and trust that he'll do better, when I have never had any reason to do so. I know he is trying as hard as he can, but I honestly think he's too fundamentally damaged to be a real partner, and my life is hard enough already. I honestly feel like my life would be easier without him at this point, despite how insanely difficult it would be logistically, just to not be so angry and upset all the time!
Help???:confused::confused:
A little background: We got married just over a year ago, kind of under duress - I was moving to Africa to work full time for the nonprofit I founded, and to adopt two kids, who have now been home with us for a year. We had to make the decision to get married or break up, and we decided to take the plunge. Now we live in rural Africa, extremely far from all our friends and relatives, which makes things much more difficult! My husband came from a really abusive background and basically hadn't started his life until we met - 26, still lived at home, "freelancing" but not making any money, never had a girlfriend. He's come incredibly far in the last few years, and is a great dad. And loves the hell out of me and the kids. But he is still so irresponsible, and passive, and ****ing useless that I'm just miserable. He makes the same promises almost literally every day - to keep a to-do list, to be more proactive, to not make me be his ****ing mother. And it happens for like a week, and then he gets bored and forgets. I just. cannot. do. it. anymore.
However, our kids' adoption isn't final yet, so if we don't stick it out at least another year, we could lose them, which would be the worst thing in the world. I have to find a way to stick it out just a little longer. If we did separate, I think he would still fly back out for the relevant court hearings and do everything he could to make sure the adoption went through... but I don't know for sure. And these kids are my life, I can't lose them.
I honestly feel like I've just reached the limit in terms of the number of times I can forgive and trust that he'll do better, when I have never had any reason to do so. I know he is trying as hard as he can, but I honestly think he's too fundamentally damaged to be a real partner, and my life is hard enough already. I honestly feel like my life would be easier without him at this point, despite how insanely difficult it would be logistically, just to not be so angry and upset all the time!
Help???:confused::confused:
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