Hello gents and ladies.
I've been lurking in the background - reading stories, listening to advice but with a gut feeling that I'm going to post here sooner or later. And here I am....
Some background - I am... or rather should I say I WAS married for 8 years. I currently live and work in UK (for the last 7 years).
To make long story short - my wife put quite a lot of weight after her pregnancy - and so did I. For the first 3 years after our son was born we were simply too tired to put a proper effort in loosing weight. Wife also had a scar after C-section (baby was large) which seriously upset her. Our sex life prety much died. I need to add that we've had no family or friends in UK and were living a rather solitary life together.
In 2010 we left our previous job (working together - both self employed professionals) and decided to have a break before starting working again. We've had a grand time, spend time with family, traveled in Europe and US.
Unfortunately this is the part when snake enters our little corner of eden. A guy that was head of maintenance in our building turned out to be a personal trainer/fitness instructor.
Very fit, energetic, also former military (claimed ex-para/special forces). He trained us very hard and also very effective - we both lost a lot of weight and improved significantly. The guy - lets call him John - was quite often around, fixing things in other apartments. As I got to know him better - he was separated with his wife, and was hooked up with a girl in one of the apartments in the building. Their relationship went sour at some point and John was in pieces. I did managed to help him, putting his life back together, reuniting him with his wife and daughter. Our relationship has becomed real friendship, I have felt like I've found a real friend, like a brother I've never had. John would still train us both, but he would visit much more often, to cook a meal, hang out, go to the movies or for a pint or two. A real bromance (no homo in any way). He has helped us a lot and I have to admit that I've becomed blindsided.
In March 2011 my gut was starting to tell me something was not right - John was in our house almost every day and his constant presence was becoming a nuisance. One day my wife has left her cell phone on the table - and I've read the recent text message. Then went throught the all the other texts in her phone but without finding anything suspicious. I've played it cool, waited until the whole family was asleep then copied everything from her phone onto the PC and went with fine comb through every file. I've found some deleted texts that John sent which could be interpreted in more then friendly way.
I've purchased and placed a tracking app on wife's phone - I was getting all her sent and recieved text, calls etc. I had no proof that it went into physical affair but it was certainly an emotional one.
I've confronted the wife, she had no idea I was onto them. Then I went to confront Jonh. First he tried to deny then he was not saying anything. I have warned him to stay away from me, my wife and my family. He disappeared for 2 years.
Since that day I was still living under one roof with my wife and son but it felt like it was llike living with a housemate. I've paid the rent, the bills etc, the wife cooked and took care of our son.
The new jobs were not spectacular - daily grind - but it paid quite well. We were quite distant - I've felt that I could not trust her again. My sex drive simply died when I looked at her. Looking at other women usually managed to bring it back to life quite quickly but I have never strayed and remained faithful.
Last couple of months things were getting better - I felt we were closer, there was sporadic sex from time to time, we were thinking about buying a business and becoming the boss instead of a cog in the machine.
Today I was coming from work a bit earlier (we both have to commute about 30 minutes) when I've noticed her car on the highway. When I was passing her I've slowed down to wave and I've noticed that there was someone else in the car. When she saw me she hit the brakes and stayed far behind. I was unable to see the face of the person in the car but it was a male. I've returned home and I've sent her a text saying if she's not home in 15 minutes she might not bother coming back, and another that I requested that she brought her passenger along.
She came back about an hour after. And the mystery passenger was no other but John. She said she's leaving and took a small bag from upstairs (and my laptop she's been using recently).
Our son is staying with her parents abroad - as kids have 3 weeks school holiday now.
On one side I feel the pain, the emptiness of the soul, the broken heart, the bitter taste of betrayal. On the other however I feel strange calmness and feeling of relief, like a great weight has fallen from my shoulders. It seems that my wife continued the relationship and took it deeply underground to avoid detection and by simple chance the ugly truth was revealed.
So here I stand. My marriage is over. There is no reconciliation as I will not take her back.
I've let her parents know, my mother and her sister as well.
She will need to find her own place and bring our son there.
I will pack all her things, clothes, books etc into bags and boxes and will give her 2 weeks to collect. Otherwise they'll go to charity or skip. She'll need to take furniture she bought and all things & toys for our son.
Our finances were always separate - so no chance for her to clean the accounts :)
I'll need to check if we have car insurance policy together and cancel hers. I will also replace all the locks in the morning.
I'm going to call the brooker, the banker and the owner of business we were going to buy and let them know that the situation has changed, I will no longer participate in the transaction. This might sabotage her chances of getting aproval for the loan to buy the business and she no longer might count of my income and support (rent + bills= 2000 USD monthly) and will have to pay it herself. Most likely I will try to find new place for myself while keeping current job.
No idea how this will affect our son - my own parents were divorced and I was pretty much raised by grandparents - she has no family/support here - and this is my main concern now.
I've been lurking in the background - reading stories, listening to advice but with a gut feeling that I'm going to post here sooner or later. And here I am....
Some background - I am... or rather should I say I WAS married for 8 years. I currently live and work in UK (for the last 7 years).
To make long story short - my wife put quite a lot of weight after her pregnancy - and so did I. For the first 3 years after our son was born we were simply too tired to put a proper effort in loosing weight. Wife also had a scar after C-section (baby was large) which seriously upset her. Our sex life prety much died. I need to add that we've had no family or friends in UK and were living a rather solitary life together.
In 2010 we left our previous job (working together - both self employed professionals) and decided to have a break before starting working again. We've had a grand time, spend time with family, traveled in Europe and US.
Unfortunately this is the part when snake enters our little corner of eden. A guy that was head of maintenance in our building turned out to be a personal trainer/fitness instructor.
Very fit, energetic, also former military (claimed ex-para/special forces). He trained us very hard and also very effective - we both lost a lot of weight and improved significantly. The guy - lets call him John - was quite often around, fixing things in other apartments. As I got to know him better - he was separated with his wife, and was hooked up with a girl in one of the apartments in the building. Their relationship went sour at some point and John was in pieces. I did managed to help him, putting his life back together, reuniting him with his wife and daughter. Our relationship has becomed real friendship, I have felt like I've found a real friend, like a brother I've never had. John would still train us both, but he would visit much more often, to cook a meal, hang out, go to the movies or for a pint or two. A real bromance (no homo in any way). He has helped us a lot and I have to admit that I've becomed blindsided.
In March 2011 my gut was starting to tell me something was not right - John was in our house almost every day and his constant presence was becoming a nuisance. One day my wife has left her cell phone on the table - and I've read the recent text message. Then went throught the all the other texts in her phone but without finding anything suspicious. I've played it cool, waited until the whole family was asleep then copied everything from her phone onto the PC and went with fine comb through every file. I've found some deleted texts that John sent which could be interpreted in more then friendly way.
I've purchased and placed a tracking app on wife's phone - I was getting all her sent and recieved text, calls etc. I had no proof that it went into physical affair but it was certainly an emotional one.
I've confronted the wife, she had no idea I was onto them. Then I went to confront Jonh. First he tried to deny then he was not saying anything. I have warned him to stay away from me, my wife and my family. He disappeared for 2 years.
Since that day I was still living under one roof with my wife and son but it felt like it was llike living with a housemate. I've paid the rent, the bills etc, the wife cooked and took care of our son.
The new jobs were not spectacular - daily grind - but it paid quite well. We were quite distant - I've felt that I could not trust her again. My sex drive simply died when I looked at her. Looking at other women usually managed to bring it back to life quite quickly but I have never strayed and remained faithful.
Last couple of months things were getting better - I felt we were closer, there was sporadic sex from time to time, we were thinking about buying a business and becoming the boss instead of a cog in the machine.
Today I was coming from work a bit earlier (we both have to commute about 30 minutes) when I've noticed her car on the highway. When I was passing her I've slowed down to wave and I've noticed that there was someone else in the car. When she saw me she hit the brakes and stayed far behind. I was unable to see the face of the person in the car but it was a male. I've returned home and I've sent her a text saying if she's not home in 15 minutes she might not bother coming back, and another that I requested that she brought her passenger along.
She came back about an hour after. And the mystery passenger was no other but John. She said she's leaving and took a small bag from upstairs (and my laptop she's been using recently).
Our son is staying with her parents abroad - as kids have 3 weeks school holiday now.
On one side I feel the pain, the emptiness of the soul, the broken heart, the bitter taste of betrayal. On the other however I feel strange calmness and feeling of relief, like a great weight has fallen from my shoulders. It seems that my wife continued the relationship and took it deeply underground to avoid detection and by simple chance the ugly truth was revealed.
So here I stand. My marriage is over. There is no reconciliation as I will not take her back.
I've let her parents know, my mother and her sister as well.
She will need to find her own place and bring our son there.
I will pack all her things, clothes, books etc into bags and boxes and will give her 2 weeks to collect. Otherwise they'll go to charity or skip. She'll need to take furniture she bought and all things & toys for our son.
Our finances were always separate - so no chance for her to clean the accounts :)
I'll need to check if we have car insurance policy together and cancel hers. I will also replace all the locks in the morning.
I'm going to call the brooker, the banker and the owner of business we were going to buy and let them know that the situation has changed, I will no longer participate in the transaction. This might sabotage her chances of getting aproval for the loan to buy the business and she no longer might count of my income and support (rent + bills= 2000 USD monthly) and will have to pay it herself. Most likely I will try to find new place for myself while keeping current job.
No idea how this will affect our son - my own parents were divorced and I was pretty much raised by grandparents - she has no family/support here - and this is my main concern now.
Put the internet to work for you.
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