I have a friend, well i will say hes a friend as the person i am talking about is very reserved, keeps himself to himself and likes to keep his life personal, and would not like me sharing his problems, when hes always confiding in me.
This friend has been married to his wife a year this February, but has been in a relationship for about 5 years. They have a little girl who is just over 4 months, they have a house, a mortgage.
Basically hes being treated really badly. I do not really know why i am posting as i know there is nothing nobody can do, I suppose i just want to let it all out so i can get a few opinions.
His wife is a school teacher, when i first met her i really liked her, she was very quiet, but also very polite, she met my friend dancing, I think it was ballroom, but not really sure about that.
He had just come out a relationship, he lived with someone, but it did not work out, but he left on good terms, and they're still friends, even tho they do not talk much.
Well, as soon as she found out my friend had broke up with his girlfriend she set her sights on him, and before long they became an item, we all really liked her.
The thing is, as time went on i started to realise things were not as the seemed, she was a bit moany, nothing really major, she just liked things her own way a bit, and she.... How can i put this, bit different from my friend, she a bit snobby...... where my friend liked a good drink, party, get together's etc she does not really like them, she does not drink, or smoke, does not swear etc, so in my opinion, she looks down her nose at people that do enjoy these things.
For example, on a Saturday night my husband and I have a bit of a get together at our house with friends, a few drinks a chat just a laugh, my friend used to come occasionally, and sometimes he would come with her, or alone.....
You could tell she used to hate my friend drinking having a laugh, she would just stand there, really quiet, to be honest i really do not think she likes me, or my friends, I can be a bit loud, and i am very outspoken......:rolleyes:.
I have asked my friend, but he just says that its not she does not like me, she just does not like drinking party's etc....
I mean its crazy really, as sometimes when we see them at my parents, she always seemed to be very affectionate they were hugging, holding hands.... but then when he was alone he said she was always moaning at him etc, and he could never do anything right, then say do not worry about it.
Well, they moved in together anyway, and as far as i know things were still the same, sometimes she was Okay, but she would still get my friend down, him never doing anything right, always wanting things her way..... It was no secret that she always wanted a baby, as when my children were around she would always tell me.
Well she did fall pregnant, then my friend told me that they were getting married, Obviously before the baby came, It was a great wedding she was full of emotion, crying, loving towards my friend, but things never changed, after they married he would come to our parties get drunk and tell us all how unhappy he is.
He never directly tells me everything that she is doing, but we have a mutual friend, he went to school with her, she did the flowers at the wedding, they have grown up together so they confide each other, I think he just needs somebody to tell and let it all out to.... so when he tells her things she messages me to tell me, I mean i know she gets him down, but some of the things i have been told really upsets me.
Here are a few things hes told me.
He did this 5 minute film for some convection thing, now she promised him that she would do a nice steak meal for him for when he was finished, as it was tiring, and filming would keep him there long hours (all day)...... when he got home there was nothing down for him, he had to make himself something, well he asked her, she just said sorry i did not have the time (this was before baby).
He mostly does the cooking for some reason.... and if she does cook...... WAIT for it, shes been known to throw things away, Instead of washing them up:mad:.
He works full-time, she used to work full-time as a school teacher, but shes on maternity leave, so shes got a year off.
He still sometimes does not finish till 8 at night, come home, and has to cook for both of them, I know she has a baby, but come on.
He does most of the housework, she gets him doing DIY of a weekend or otherwise she strops off, and does not talk to him for days.
I saw a status on facebook yesterday, him saying he had been Ill all day and was glad to be back in the warm and straight to bed, I then got a message from his old school friend who said that when he got in he said to his wife, I fancy fish and chips been feeling ill all day..... But she would not get him any, told him he would have to go himself.
A couple of months ago, he had flu, she would not even go to the pharmacy for him, it makes me want to cry hearing all this stuff.
My friend told me his wife said that things would change when they were married and had a baby, but nothing has changed its got worse.
After the baby was born, she could not cope, the baby cried a lot, and she was not sleeping much which made it worse, she was breastfeeding, so my friend could not get up, but he did all he can when he got in from work, still cooking, and doing all the housework.
In the end her mother had to move in because she could not cope, I think she stayed for a few months, shes gone now, but he told me, that even after her mother left she told my friend she could not cope, he told her SHE HAD TO COPE.... she wanted her mum to move back.
I know when she was growing up she pretty much got what she liked, and wanted, I know her father left when she was young, but i have met him he came to the wedding, and they're very close......
The baby has settled now, so she coping with the baby, but things are not getting better.
I felt bad at new year, my friend was going to come, but he said he couldn't, and instead of telling me, he told my husband, i had a go at him he replied by saying " please do not have a go at me i have enough of that at home" i felt sooo bad.
The other day she said to him, why do you not just move out.... but hes already told me he will NEVER leave that baby, and why would he go and lose his house he has paid for????.
I know hes living in misery tho, hes never allowed to do anything, everything has to be her way.
My question is.... Why did he marry her.????. He knew she was like this, I told him it would get worse, and why get her pregnant.
Now hes stuck, he cant leave because he loves his daughter, and its his house.
I just hate seeing him suffering, do everything, so are my parents. They tell me there is nothing i know that they do not.
I just do not know what to do. I know there will be a time, where i blow up and tell her at a family affair, but i know if i do that i will make it worst for him.
Every time we talk he speaks, then when i get angry, he just tells me its Okay, then he will change the subject.
I believe she just wanted a baby, and a house of her own, somebody with money to get her the things she wanted somebody nice and caring she could manipulate, the thought of what he has to go through, saddens and hurts me so much.
I know its his own fault, but i cant help caring.... I know there is nothing i can do, I just need to rant.
This friend has been married to his wife a year this February, but has been in a relationship for about 5 years. They have a little girl who is just over 4 months, they have a house, a mortgage.
Basically hes being treated really badly. I do not really know why i am posting as i know there is nothing nobody can do, I suppose i just want to let it all out so i can get a few opinions.
His wife is a school teacher, when i first met her i really liked her, she was very quiet, but also very polite, she met my friend dancing, I think it was ballroom, but not really sure about that.
He had just come out a relationship, he lived with someone, but it did not work out, but he left on good terms, and they're still friends, even tho they do not talk much.
Well, as soon as she found out my friend had broke up with his girlfriend she set her sights on him, and before long they became an item, we all really liked her.
The thing is, as time went on i started to realise things were not as the seemed, she was a bit moany, nothing really major, she just liked things her own way a bit, and she.... How can i put this, bit different from my friend, she a bit snobby...... where my friend liked a good drink, party, get together's etc she does not really like them, she does not drink, or smoke, does not swear etc, so in my opinion, she looks down her nose at people that do enjoy these things.
For example, on a Saturday night my husband and I have a bit of a get together at our house with friends, a few drinks a chat just a laugh, my friend used to come occasionally, and sometimes he would come with her, or alone.....
You could tell she used to hate my friend drinking having a laugh, she would just stand there, really quiet, to be honest i really do not think she likes me, or my friends, I can be a bit loud, and i am very outspoken......:rolleyes:.
I have asked my friend, but he just says that its not she does not like me, she just does not like drinking party's etc....
I mean its crazy really, as sometimes when we see them at my parents, she always seemed to be very affectionate they were hugging, holding hands.... but then when he was alone he said she was always moaning at him etc, and he could never do anything right, then say do not worry about it.
Well, they moved in together anyway, and as far as i know things were still the same, sometimes she was Okay, but she would still get my friend down, him never doing anything right, always wanting things her way..... It was no secret that she always wanted a baby, as when my children were around she would always tell me.
Well she did fall pregnant, then my friend told me that they were getting married, Obviously before the baby came, It was a great wedding she was full of emotion, crying, loving towards my friend, but things never changed, after they married he would come to our parties get drunk and tell us all how unhappy he is.
He never directly tells me everything that she is doing, but we have a mutual friend, he went to school with her, she did the flowers at the wedding, they have grown up together so they confide each other, I think he just needs somebody to tell and let it all out to.... so when he tells her things she messages me to tell me, I mean i know she gets him down, but some of the things i have been told really upsets me.
Here are a few things hes told me.
He did this 5 minute film for some convection thing, now she promised him that she would do a nice steak meal for him for when he was finished, as it was tiring, and filming would keep him there long hours (all day)...... when he got home there was nothing down for him, he had to make himself something, well he asked her, she just said sorry i did not have the time (this was before baby).
He mostly does the cooking for some reason.... and if she does cook...... WAIT for it, shes been known to throw things away, Instead of washing them up:mad:.
He works full-time, she used to work full-time as a school teacher, but shes on maternity leave, so shes got a year off.
He still sometimes does not finish till 8 at night, come home, and has to cook for both of them, I know she has a baby, but come on.
He does most of the housework, she gets him doing DIY of a weekend or otherwise she strops off, and does not talk to him for days.
I saw a status on facebook yesterday, him saying he had been Ill all day and was glad to be back in the warm and straight to bed, I then got a message from his old school friend who said that when he got in he said to his wife, I fancy fish and chips been feeling ill all day..... But she would not get him any, told him he would have to go himself.
A couple of months ago, he had flu, she would not even go to the pharmacy for him, it makes me want to cry hearing all this stuff.
My friend told me his wife said that things would change when they were married and had a baby, but nothing has changed its got worse.
After the baby was born, she could not cope, the baby cried a lot, and she was not sleeping much which made it worse, she was breastfeeding, so my friend could not get up, but he did all he can when he got in from work, still cooking, and doing all the housework.
In the end her mother had to move in because she could not cope, I think she stayed for a few months, shes gone now, but he told me, that even after her mother left she told my friend she could not cope, he told her SHE HAD TO COPE.... she wanted her mum to move back.
I know when she was growing up she pretty much got what she liked, and wanted, I know her father left when she was young, but i have met him he came to the wedding, and they're very close......
The baby has settled now, so she coping with the baby, but things are not getting better.
I felt bad at new year, my friend was going to come, but he said he couldn't, and instead of telling me, he told my husband, i had a go at him he replied by saying " please do not have a go at me i have enough of that at home" i felt sooo bad.
The other day she said to him, why do you not just move out.... but hes already told me he will NEVER leave that baby, and why would he go and lose his house he has paid for????.
I know hes living in misery tho, hes never allowed to do anything, everything has to be her way.
My question is.... Why did he marry her.????. He knew she was like this, I told him it would get worse, and why get her pregnant.
Now hes stuck, he cant leave because he loves his daughter, and its his house.
I just hate seeing him suffering, do everything, so are my parents. They tell me there is nothing i know that they do not.
I just do not know what to do. I know there will be a time, where i blow up and tell her at a family affair, but i know if i do that i will make it worst for him.
Every time we talk he speaks, then when i get angry, he just tells me its Okay, then he will change the subject.
I believe she just wanted a baby, and a house of her own, somebody with money to get her the things she wanted somebody nice and caring she could manipulate, the thought of what he has to go through, saddens and hurts me so much.
I know its his own fault, but i cant help caring.... I know there is nothing i can do, I just need to rant.
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