RE: New to Site

Hi everyone. I am new to the group. I really want this year to be one of getting to know myself and others better. I have found myself at times getting jealous and suspicious of my husband. We have been married 10 years and I can't say I have found anything founded to prove my fears true. I have come to realize that I really am carrying some issues from my past marriage where my husband did cheat on me. I thought I would have been over that. But once in awhile I get this creepy feeling and I will snoop and get awful thoughts in my head. It is just a terrible feeling. So this time I talked to my husband about it and I told him I want to reach out to others and feel more freedom. He told me to enjoy myself, that life is to be enjoyed. That I can look up things online, that is what he likes to do, research. And I can have passwords if I want. He changes his from time to time because he is always working on his computer and downloads new programs. He is a bit of a geek. I don't understand any of it. He said I can always know the password if I ask but I just feel passwords are to hide something. So I changed my passwords and he told me that is ok. That he trusts me and knows I have a good head on my shoulders. He said it is ok to have pen pals or whatever I want. I actually like this feeling because I can be trusted. I would never do anything to hurt him but what does this mean about him? Has anyone ever experienced this. He is very dependable, committed and trustworthy but I just get scared sometimes. But either way, it feels good to have the freedom to do what I want and to have his blessing. I never thought to even want to have the freedom. I thought to be married meant you only have each other, stay committed and never branch out. I am starting to feel that is not so healthy. I want this year to be a year of change and growth and to be free from all these fears that I have. But at the same time, at the end of it, I don't want my husband to come to me and say that he found someone else and is tired of me. I am starting to feel I am somewhat controlling and I don't want to control someone just to keep them loving me. He assures me that he loves me and would not do anything to hurt me. I suppose I just have to trust him to some degree. I do love him dearly and I know he loves me. He has been so good to me. We have a good relationship and he has almost always supported me on everything I have wanted to do. I want to be the same way but I also don't want to do anything that would support bad behavior.
Looking forward to learning more on this site and reading what you post.
Linia

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