i had the worst night tonight with my husband, worse than it's been in a while... i am upset... as usual it started as something small that he got angry at, i said please have patience and talk this out with me, it's not worth a fight. It escalated into him doing the usual of bringing up irrelevant things that have nothing to do with the issue at hand, and those things are preying on my weaknesses, listing everyone. It's just bullying. It leaves me feeling completely dehumanized. Of course i start crying, but still tried to deflect by saying if you are just going to be nasty then please leave me alone because i just can't handle this anymore. To which he still ranted for another 10 minutes saying such hurtful things... then stormed out. I texted him and said please if you want to talk about the actual issue i will talk about it with you, please try for your marriage tonight. No response.
I cried for like an hour on my bed. The type of cry that comes from an immense pain rather than sadness. I am usually such a happy and positive person, someone who can be in the moment of something good and enjoy it even though other things could be wrong in my life. But he is somehow able to leave me weak and depressed in moments like these. I just don't know how to occupy my time when i plan on neutrally being with my husband for the day, and it always turns into this. Me alone again... waiting till i calm down so i can force myself to make dinner for one. Waiting until i am able to go to bed and sleep awhile, and looking forward to my boring job to distract me for a few measly hours.
Why is it that now that I've finally made the appointment for marriage counseling that the days are draggggggggggging on?! He made references again tonight about wanting me to pack up and leave... is this really worth it? Then he'll tell me after a few days of the silent treatment that he didn't really mean it, that he does really love me. It's confusing. I don't even know how to make it emotionally until our appointment... I wish counselors were the type of people that you could call and any time to discuss an active problem... I know I'm new here, and i appreciate a place where i can actually vent about things like this. Could i get some words of wisdom? Or even random conversation. I need some chatter to keep my mind off things for a while...
I cried for like an hour on my bed. The type of cry that comes from an immense pain rather than sadness. I am usually such a happy and positive person, someone who can be in the moment of something good and enjoy it even though other things could be wrong in my life. But he is somehow able to leave me weak and depressed in moments like these. I just don't know how to occupy my time when i plan on neutrally being with my husband for the day, and it always turns into this. Me alone again... waiting till i calm down so i can force myself to make dinner for one. Waiting until i am able to go to bed and sleep awhile, and looking forward to my boring job to distract me for a few measly hours.
Why is it that now that I've finally made the appointment for marriage counseling that the days are draggggggggggging on?! He made references again tonight about wanting me to pack up and leave... is this really worth it? Then he'll tell me after a few days of the silent treatment that he didn't really mean it, that he does really love me. It's confusing. I don't even know how to make it emotionally until our appointment... I wish counselors were the type of people that you could call and any time to discuss an active problem... I know I'm new here, and i appreciate a place where i can actually vent about things like this. Could i get some words of wisdom? Or even random conversation. I need some chatter to keep my mind off things for a while...
Put the internet to work for you.
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